Category: Mariah Carey

Open Post: Hosted By Mimi Magically Sitting On An Invisible Chair 

December 4, 2017 / Posted by:

If FitBit made a solid gold one that’s covered in diamonds, and one of Mimi’s benefactors gave one to her, it would get about as much action as I do. Us peons were given legs so that we could walk or whatever, but Mimi was given legs so that pureed diamonds and pink dolphin jizz could be slathered on them by shirtless boy toys on a yacht in the middle of the Mediterranean somewhere. And it looks like Mimi sits so much (case in point: Mimi being pushed on her rolling throne) and is so used to being in the sitting position that she can sit on air. Mimi IS Magic. She can sing without opening her mouth, and she can sit without the help of a chair. Chairs are officially over!

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Mariah Carey Has Cancelled More Dates On Her Christmas Tour

November 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is Booze You Tour was supposed to begin on November 17. That date and several others were canceled due to an “upper respiratory infection.” Mariah wasn’t kidding last week when she said that “Queen of Christmas” is NOT her appellation, lambs. At least not this year. Perhaps she already knew that her holiday tour might not be happening. Continue reading

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Mariah Carey Doesn’t Like Being Called The Queen Of Christmas

November 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Then perhaps she shouldn’t have trademarked “Mariah Carey Queen of Christmas” (in my mind she did that). Or chosen to live in a gigantic, glimmering pink and white Swarovski Christmas tree from Nov 1 to Dec 31 (right before she ruins NYE) every year! Or stuffed her overly spray-tanned bosoms into red velvet-with-white fur trim push-up bra seemingly every day in December! The Hollywood Reporter claims that Mariah Carey says that she doesn’t appreciate the “Queen of Christmas” label. This advent calendar is missing a date because Mariah Carey IS Christmas. To some middle-aged gay in New Jersey, but still – know your role, Mimi! Continue reading

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Mariah Carey Canceled Christmas Tour Dates

November 16, 2017 / Posted by:

The Grinch is working overtime this year and is trying to ruin Christmas already even though it’s still only November. Instead of crawling on his belly like a snake and stealing gifts, this year he’s trying to hit us where it really hurts: by working us over with a decidedly UN-festive gut punch. The Grinch gave Mariah Carey the vocal clap!

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Mariah Carey’s Boyfriend Appears To Be Running The Show Now

November 11, 2017 / Posted by:

Alleged creepster Mariah Carey and her controversial manager Stella Bulochnikov recently said “Прощай” to each other. There was a rumor that Stella exited the pink diamond deluxe apartment in the NYC sky because Mariah’s gentleman friend, Bryan Tanaka, forced her ass out. Page Six is reporting that, not only is the story true about Bryan wanting Stella gone, but he’s added “Mariah Carey’s manager” to his resume. (That’s right under “Mariah Carey’s personal Spanx adjuster.“) In fact, Mariah’s former backup dancer is supposedly “running her life.” That can’t be that hard a job. Just make sure there’s some bubbly on ice at all hours of the day and night and that her many shaping briefs aren’t squeezing the life out of her. Easy! Continue reading

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