Angelina Jolie Decided To Fulfill Someone’s Feathered 60s Fantasy Last Night (And Other Looks From The Golden Globes)
Almost everyone who walked the Golden Globes red carpet this year wore black to protest Hollywood’s sexual misconduct problem. One thing that wasn’t being protested was good taste. There were a lot of black velvet outfits on that red carpet. Sure, it’s a bit of an obvious choice, but a choice I was absolutely here for, because anything that makes my brain start blasting “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles gets two thumbs up from me.
But some people went a little more experimental with their all-black interpretation. Like Angelina Jolie, who showed up to the Golden Globes in some goth Lawrence Welk Show realness by Atelier Versace. It’s a little Barbra Streisand at the 1969 Oscars, with a splash of 60s televangelist, all poured onto a fainting couch and garnished with, “But detective, I swear my husband was dead when I found him!”
“Ahahahahaha, I’m still laughing over this homely hag playing me in a movie. Hollywood is so weird!” – Tonya Harding in that picture.
About 23 years ago, Tonya Harding was down in out after she lost her figure skating career over her ex-husband and bodyguard hiring some goon to bust out her rival’s kneecap. But look at Tonya now! She’s happy and healthy-looking and standing next to a movie star at the big Hollywood premiere of a movie that would’ve never happened if she stopped her ex-husband and bodyguard from hiring some goon to bust out her rival’s kneecap. Tonya and the movie version of her, Margot Robbie, posed together at last night’s Hollywood premiere of I, Tonya at The Egyptian Theater. Tonya wore a dress from Cabela’s black label collection and Margot wore an off-brand Elvira Hancock from Scarface costume from Big Lots.
I, Tonya is getting a lot of Oscar talk, including some for Margot Robbie, which I don’t know why since Julie Brown gave the only Tonya Harding performance we need. But Allison Janney, who was there last night serving pure glah-moor in a gold-dipped caftan, is getting the most Oscar talk. As of now, it looks like the Best Supporting Actress Oscar race is down to her for playing Tonya’s abusive monster of a mom and Laurie Metcalf for Lady Bird. I hope that Allison picked up her caftan and ran off when Tonya whispered in her ear last night, “So, Al, I hear the Oscur is down to you and your rival Aunt Jackie. You know I know I guy….”
After months of getting just the sequin-and-chiffon tip of what kind of beautiful depiction or trainwreck attempt Margot Robie would do to the Tonya Harding empire, the official trailer for “I, Tonya” has dropped, and it is GLORIOUS Academy Award material. If you’re Allison Janney. Continue reading
Because the voting fingers of Oscar voters get a hard-on for gorgeous actresses who homely themselves up for a role, Margot Robbie has been getting Best Actress buzz (yes, I too hate myself for typing “Best Actress buzz”) for playing Oregon rose Tonya Harding in I, Tonya. And the first teaser trailer was released today. On a scale of YES!!!! to WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!, the trailer is a little closer to the former for me.
Margot Robbie stars as disgraced Olympic ice-skater and crispy bangs legend Tonya Harding in the upcoming I, Tonya, which apparently isn’t a mess and is getting good reviews. She told Vanity Fair that she was four years old when Harding’s ex-husband sent a dude with a lead pipe after her chief Olympic opponent Nancy Kerrigan’s leg. This means she’d never even heard of Tonya Harding and thought the script was fictional at first. Did she not ever read a textbook on important historical events? This was a seminal moment in world history – sequins, trashy people, nude photos, double axels, victimized ice queens, and a Ukrainian girl in a swan costume coming from behind to beat both of them. Open a book, Margot! Continue reading
Did somebody say “MORE MOVIES ABOUT THE JOKER AND HARLEY QUINN“? No really, I want to have a word with whoever was putting that kind of energy out into the universe, because we’re starting to have too many damn movies about the Joker and his wacky codependent girlfriend. The superhero genre is all full-up, and so far I count zero movies about Squirrel Girl in production. (I’m in it for the nut puns!).