Category: Manos: The Hands Of Fate

Cuba Gooding Jr. Pleaded Not Guilty To Tao Nightclub Groping Charges

November 1, 2019 / Posted by:

As we now know, and have just felt in our bones for some time now, Cuba Gooding Jr. is handsier than a haywire Mickey Mouse clock. At this point, trying to keep track of all the accusations of sexual assault against him, specifically of serial drunken groping, would require the use of a murder board and an entire Michael’s Craft store worth of string. According to TMZ, Cuba has pleaded not guilty to charges of “sexual abuse in the third degree and forcible touching” relating to an incident at Tao nightclub in October of last year. That’s the green string for those of you keeping track.

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Cuba Gooding Jr. Pleaded Not Guilty In His Groping Case But The Video Evidence Suggests Otherwise

June 14, 2019 / Posted by:

Cuba Gooding Jr. was all smiles as he did his perp walk after turning himself over to police. He was booked and charged with “one count of forcible touching and one count of sexual abuse in the third degree” over a groping incident that occurred on Sunday at the Magic Hour Rooftop Lounge in Manhattan, according to Vulture. This morning he pleaded not guilty to both charges. And now, TMZ now has the video surveillance footage that Cuba and his attorney both indicated would exonerate him of any wrongdoing. Unfortunately for Cuba, instead of proving he didn’t grope his accuser’s thigh and breast, it pretty much proves that Cuba groped his accuser’s thigh and breast. Oops!

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Your Loss Ladies: Joe Biden Vows To Keep His Hands To Himself

April 4, 2019 / Posted by:

Well, you’ve done it now, ladies! Joe Biden was just trying to be friendly and you’ve ruined everything with your complaints. Uncle Joe has responded to accusations that his handsy ways have made a number of people uncomfortable, and has vowed to stop showing people how much he cares by being the #1 spokesperson for Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific shampoo. Joe may have a lot to learn about the new “social norms” regarding personal space, but he’s a whiz at new fangled technology as evidenced by his issuing a folksy video apology via Twitter.

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