Let’s Cancel Christmas, Santa Got Shot With A Pellet Gun!

“This is why we can’t have nice things” has been said a billion times before and it’ll be said a billion times after this, but it is meaningless unless you’re saying it about this tragic holiday story from ABC 7 in Washington, DC.

At the Berry Farms gift giveaway in Southeast DC this morning, Santy Claus was strolling around, spreading some Christmas cheer and saying ho ho ho to all the little kids when some evil, holiday-hating heathen cunt really declared war on Christmas by shooting him in the back with a pellet gun. If for you, seeing a video of Santa getting shot in the back with a pellet is like guzzling down a cup of eggnog with a giant turd in it, then don’t watch the video above. Seeing Santa get shot puts a thick layer of sadness on your Christmas spirit.

The ABC 7 reporter who was there at the time says that the pellet got stuck in Santa’s shoulder and he had to be taken to the hospital. Police believe that the evil whore shot at Santa from a second story window. Santa later told ABC 7 that he’s glad he’s the only one who got shot and he’s going to be fine. The Grinch stepped in at the last minute and continued handing out toys to the kids.

The police don’t have a suspect yet. You already know what I’m going to say about that, so I’m just going to leave this here: