What In 1970s Prom Hell, Christina?

Christina Hendrix showed up to the 5th Annual Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic in Pacific Palisades, CA yesterday, and for some ungodly reason she chose the Napoleon Dynamite reject outfit above to wear to the event. NO. Awkward Family Photo 70s tux/doily combo Christina…really?? I can’t.

I know that the whole world yells at her to put her ridiculous pillowlicious chi chis away once in awhile but this is taking it way too far. That “ensemble” is tata jail. Illegal. FREE THE TATAS!!! And not only is it tata jail, it’s face/hair/shoes/body/all of it jail that sucks the life from everything else in a 5 mile radius into a vortex of fuckugly. We’re so sorry Christina!!! Please please PLEASE bring back the tatas. We’ll even seat them in the front row so they feel special.

Did Christina plan this outfit, or was she attacked by my Grandma’s window sheers and ridiculously long dresser runner before falling into a “vintage nobody wants” Goodwill box on her way to the red carpet? I don’t know. All I know is that the next time someone shades her for always having Tha Girls on display, she should show them this picture and they will immediately retract their statement and fluff her boobs for her. Everybody wins.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

It’s OVAH

So the speculation is true. Despite a denial an few hours ago that all was sunshine and rainbows and nobody was getting served walking papers, TMZ now says that cromagnon Russell Brand filed for divorce from Crayola titties Katy Perry today in LA, citing “irreconcilable differences”. Well they’re both pretty irreconcialably um, “different” so this is not much of a shock.

I hate to go on a right to gay marriage rant (no I don’t) but they were married in October of last year. Sinead and her hubby called it quits after just a couple of weeks. The divine Liz Taylor was married eight times. So what the fuck is this “sanctity” people scream about? People promise to stay together until death, but then won’t even honor the promise by hiring a hit-man. Lazy. Seriously, shit like this right here makes me wonder why the gays aren’t allowed to break contracts left and right like us straights.

That’s why I just live in sin, sleeping with anyone with a six pack and a couple of joints. It’s so much easier to just sneak out a window half dressed in the middle of the night than show up in court and divide my shit up. And yes, I do feel the burning shame of giving Russell and Katy so much time in the precious Dlisted spotlight. Or is that the burn in my no-no region from my last drunk hook-up? Whatever, it hurts.

Can’t Keep a Good Ho Down

So Hef teared in his shaken-not-stirred verrry dirty martini for a whole week and a half, straightened up his silk jammies, and got another trick to ride his Viagramobile. Bitch boom bye Crystal, it was nice knowing you. Okay, not really.

TMZ says the new toddler in Hef’s playpen is Miss January 2011 Anna Sophia Berglund. What a refreshing departure from his usual bleach blond bimbo with huge fake tittays lineup! And she’s an older woman, 24 days older than Crystal-what-was-her-name. Bravo on growing up, Hef!!

Speaking of side pieces, thanks so much for all the love today. MK makes this shit look as easy as me on a Saturday night but it’s not!! I didn’t expect so much support. You are the loving jock strap to our limp noodles, and thank you for putting up with this sub-par shit for a week. XOXOXO

Mary-Kate Olsen Changes Her Hair Again

*Images Removed by Request*

Just a few days ago, MK Olsen, had dyed her hair platinum to scare off as many young children as she could. Well, yesterday she shopped on Melrose with a darker and more orange shade. She still looks like the same sad, troll doll…but with different hair. She’s even wearing her skull scarf in a different shade. Ugh, she really needs a cookie. HO! You are rich and skinny, what more do you want? She probably just wants to be held by a beautiful, pink, unicorn friend. Don’t we all?

Ryder Got the Rachel!

Kate Hudson said she wasn’t cutting Ryder’s hair, because of some Jewish thing or whatever. Tradition, if you will. Anyway, she gave Ryder a little trim and debuted his new look at the airport. Much better I say.

Riddle me this, is it weird for a 3-year-old to still be on a pacifier? I’m the wrong person to ask, because I’m still on a pacifier. Except they’ve taken different shapes and sizes and colors…well you get it.

Image Source: ICYDK

Our New Home!

Welcome to Dlisted’s new home! We are finally off of blogger, it was giving me seizures! Hooray! We’re still working out the kinks and have yet to move over the archives, so bear with our asses. You can still view the old archives at our blogspot home.

Be sure to check out the forum and shit.

xoxoxoxMichael K