Category: Make That Money

Scarlett Johansson Is Now A Parisian Popcorn Mogul

October 20, 2016 / Posted by:

Not content to simply be a very rich Hollywood actress or a wannabe singer, Scarlett Johansson has decided to diversify the ScarJo brand by opening a gourmet popcorn shop in Paris. I guess Scarlett Johansson and her French husband Romain Dauriac were tired of jerking off a tinfoil pan of Jiffy Pop like the rest of us. A press release went out earlier today announcing the opening of a fancy popcorn shop this Saturday called – wait for it – Yummy Pop. Congratulations on coming up with a name in less time than it takes to salt pop corn.

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Taylor Swift Is Headlining DirecTV’s Pre-Super Bowl Party

October 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Less than a week after Lady Gaga confirmed the rumor that she’s headlining the Super Bowl halftime show next year, AT&T has made like a reverse-Zeus and yanked away her thunder by announcing that an even BIGGER star will be performing in Houston, TX on Super Bowl weekend. Sorry Gaga, but it’s the Taylor Swift Bowl now.

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Kevin Hart Is The Highest-Paid Comedian Of The Year

September 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Forbes has published yet another list of rich people and the money they made this year. This time they’re talking about the world’s highest-paid comedians. We already know that The Rock is 2016’s highest-paid actor, that Jennifer Lawrence is 2016’s highest-paid actress, and that Gisele Bundchen is 2016’s highest-paid model. Out of those three, The Rock made the most with $64.5 million. I thought that was a huge amount of money. As it turns out, The Rock can take his measly $64.5 million and have a seat, because Kevin Hart has him beat by a long shot.

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Blac Chyna Is Trying To Make Angela Renee Kardashian™ Happen

May 9, 2016 / Posted by:

Now that she’s tied to the Kardashian family forever (you’re not officially in until Kris Jenner leaks private news about you), it’s time to start making some kash off that name! Blac Chyna will soon be Mrs. Rob Kardashian and Baby Kardashian’s mommy, and so she’s gone ahead and filed papers to trademark her name. But not her fake name, Blac Chyna. Oh no, she already did that last month. I’m talking about her soon-to-be legal married name.

TMZ says that Blac Chyna recently submitted an application to trademark the name Angela Renee Kardashian. According to the documents filed, Blac Chyna wants the exclusive legal rights to the name Angela Kardashian for “entertainment services, namely live television and movie appearances” as well as “living as a social media celebrity, model, actress, and performer.” I don’t know if Chyna also thought hyphenating her real last name (White) with Rob’s last name. But I doubt that would have gotten the approval from her future mother-in-law, since White-Kardashian isn’t exactly on brand (years of self-tanner abuse technically classify the Kardashians as more of a radioactive orange).

I guess this means that there’s a chance Blac Chyna won’t be going by Blac Chyna anymore. Soon she’ll be plain ol’ Angie Kardashian. What’s next? Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend Tyga filing a petition to legally change his name to Michael Ray Jenner? Actually, I wouldn’t put that past him. Whatever helps him secure financing on a luxury car that will eventually get repossessed.

Blac Chyna is clearly a good businesswoman. I mean, she’s trademarking a name she doesn’t actually have yet. That’s smart. Of course, if she was really smart, she’d go ahead and trademark a couple more names. You know, for when the Kardashian Kurse kicks in, she splits with Rob, and becomes the koven’s #1 enemy once again. Maybe start by trademarking the name That Cash-Draining Bitch™. That way she can make a couple extra bucks every time Kris Jenner sees how much she has to pay for Rob’s child support every month and screams “Oooh I hate that cash-draining bitch so much!

Pic: Wenn.com

That’s “Multi-Million-Dollar Emoji Mogul Amber Rose” To You

April 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Excuse me while I curse out my high school guidance counselor for not being able to predict that “sexy emoji designer” would be such a lucrative career option in the future. TMZ says that Amber Rose, seen above holding a cutout of Susan from Guess Who?‘s less-hot sister, is $4 million richer thanks to her emoji app, MuvaMoji by Amber Rose.

Sources tell TMZ that Amber got a pretty large check stuffed into her g-string when she first signed on to help create Amber Rose-themed emojis. Emojis that she totally didn’t rip-off of Kim Kardashian, okay? It was launched on Wednesday and ended up making $2 million on the first day. That isn’t exactly surprising; Amber’s app only costs $1.99, which is a pretty good deal for more than 900 emojis of asses, stripper poles, more asses, and tubes of lube. Obviously Amber doesn’t get to pocket that whole $2 million, but she does get a percentage of it. According to TMZ, all those percentages add up to $4 million. Get that emoji money, bitch!

Even though I would totally pay $1.99 for a whole bunch of nasty ho emojis, it still seems crazy to me that it made $2 million on its first day. That’s more than 1 million people who were desperate to get their hands on emoji of Amber Rose slipping on a rubber glove of Bill Cosby holding a sign that says “I DID IT“.

Well, 1 million people, or 1 dumb Kanye West with 1 million iPhones thinking he could maintain the innocence of Bill Cosby and his booty hole by hoarding dowloads of MuvaMoji. “Kim, go to the Apple store and buy more iPhones! I can’t let anyone see this shit!

Here’s more of Amber Rose at the launch of MuvaMoji on Wednesday night. At least I think it’s Amber Rose? Maybe all her slutty glamazon couture was at the cleaners.

Pic: Splash, Wenn.com

Fans In Las Vegas Who Paid $2,000 To Meet Justin Bieber Got A Cardboard Cutout Instead

March 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Which makes this the first time in recent memory that the words “hard-working” and “upstanding” were used to describe Justin Bieber. Last week, Justin Bieber dramatically collapsed onto his Marshmallow flip-open sofa and declared that he’d no longer be doing VIP meet-and-greets with fans during his Purpose tour because it was too emotionally draining. Unfortunately, people who paid $2,000 for a meet-and-greet were told they would not be getting a refund on unless they also gave up their ticket. So they came to a compromise; for $2,000, they could all stand in the same room as Justin.

As it turns out, standing in a room was also too much work for Justin. According to The Mirror (via NME), fans who paid $2,000 to meet-and-greet Justin at his shows in Las Vegas last weekend got to meet-and-greet a life-sized cardboard cutout instead. However, Justin did manage to get in one in-person VIP meet-and-greet last weekend, with Wayne Gretzky and his wife Janet.

WayneJustin

However did a lucky fan like Wayne Gretzky manage to score a meet-and-greet with the elusive Justin “No More Pictures” Bieber? TMZ says that unless you’re one of Justin’s friends or a famous person, your chance of meeting-and-greeting Justin Bieber are about as thin as the teen ‘stache on his upper lip. So basically, if you paid $2,000 to meet Bieber, you’re probably going to get the 100% recyclable equivalent. But if it makes you feel any better, meeting a vacant, unresponsive cutout of Justin Bieber is pretty damn close to meeting the real thing.

Speaking of hanging out with famous people. Here’s Justin Bieber hanging out at a club in Las Vegas with DJ David Guetta after one of Bieber’s shows last weekend, as well as Justin looking like meth-warmed-over while leaving a club in Hollywood last night.

Pics: Twitter, Instagram, Splash/D.Mahoney

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