Forbes has released yet another list that will inevitably make you want to send a sympathy card to your bank account. This time Forbes has compiled a list of the world’s highest-paid women in music for 2017. Beyonce is already the kind of wealthy that has me scratching my head and wondering if she uses regular people toilet paper, or if one of her minions cuts up white cashmere sweaters into little squares for her each morning. She’s also insanely successful. And so, unsurprisingly, she pulled in some serious Beyonce-levels of money this year.
Lindsay Lohan managed to get herself a little attention recently and it looks like she’s going to milk it for all it’s worth. Last month Lindsay did an interview where she sounded like the Lysol lady’s English-speaking half-sister and it made the internet collectively freak out over her accent of questionable origin. Lindsay decided to name her European-ish intonation “Lilohan.” Now she’s trying to cash in on the accent craze by selling branded Lilohan merch and giving the money to charity. The charity is not The Lindsay Lohan’s Wallet Fund.
Not content to simply be a very rich Hollywood actress or a wannabe singer, Scarlett Johansson has decided to diversify the ScarJo brand by opening a gourmet popcorn shop in Paris. I guess Scarlett Johansson and her French husband Romain Dauriac were tired of jerking off a tinfoil pan of Jiffy Pop like the rest of us. A press release went out earlier today announcing the opening of a fancy popcorn shop this Saturday called – wait for it – Yummy Pop. Congratulations on coming up with a name in less time than it takes to salt pop corn.
Less than a week after Lady Gaga confirmed the rumor that she’s headlining the Super Bowl halftime show next year, AT&T has made like a reverse-Zeus and yanked away her thunder by announcing that an even BIGGER star will be performing in Houston, TX on Super Bowl weekend. Sorry Gaga, but it’s the Taylor Swift Bowl now.
Forbes has published yet another list of rich people and the money they made this year. This time they’re talking about the world’s highest-paid comedians. We already know that The Rock is 2016’s highest-paid actor, that Jennifer Lawrence is 2016’s highest-paid actress, and that Gisele Bundchen is 2016’s highest-paid model. Out of those three, The Rock made the most with $64.5 million. I thought that was a huge amount of money. As it turns out, The Rock can take his measly $64.5 million and have a seat, because Kevin Hart has him beat by a long shot.
Now that she’s tied to the Kardashian family forever (you’re not officially in until Kris Jenner leaks private news about you), it’s time to start making some kash off that name! Blac Chyna will soon be Mrs. Rob Kardashian and Baby Kardashian’s mommy, and so she’s gone ahead and filed papers to trademark her name. But not her fake name, Blac Chyna. Oh no, she already did that last month. I’m talking about her soon-to-be legal married name.
TMZ says that Blac Chyna recently submitted an application to trademark the name Angela Renee Kardashian. According to the documents filed, Blac Chyna wants the exclusive legal rights to the name Angela Kardashian for “entertainment services, namely live television and movie appearances” as well as “living as a social media celebrity, model, actress, and performer.” I don’t know if Chyna also thought hyphenating her real last name (White) with Rob’s last name. But I doubt that would have gotten the approval from her future mother-in-law, since White-Kardashian isn’t exactly on brand (years of self-tanner abuse technically classify the Kardashians as more of a radioactive orange).
I guess this means that there’s a chance Blac Chyna won’t be going by Blac Chyna anymore. Soon she’ll be plain ol’ Angie Kardashian. What’s next? Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend Tyga filing a petition to legally change his name to Michael Ray Jenner? Actually, I wouldn’t put that past him. Whatever helps him secure financing on a luxury car that will eventually get repossessed.
Blac Chyna is clearly a good businesswoman. I mean, she’s trademarking a name she doesn’t actually have yet. That’s smart. Of course, if she was really smart, she’d go ahead and trademark a couple more names. You know, for when the Kardashian Kurse kicks in, she splits with Rob, and becomes the koven’s #1 enemy once again. Maybe start by trademarking the name That Cash-Draining Bitch™. That way she can make a couple extra bucks every time Kris Jenner sees how much she has to pay for Rob’s child support every month and screams “Oooh I hate that cash-draining bitch so much!”