Many times when Hollywood does a big-screen biopic about someone, they wait until that someone has died. But Madonna is very much alive and since she has her internal organs regularly switched out with the pristine organs of the virgin teens she hunts, she’s going to live forever. Hollywood is going ahead with a Madge biopic anyway and this one will start in the early days of her career and take us up to her performance at the first MTV Video Music Awards in 1984. Madge is probably not going to be involved in it in any way, because she made it clear that she’d rather deep throat a hydrangea than give that shit her stamp of approval.
A court in Malawi recently gave the ok for Madonna to adopt 4-year-old twin girls, who will join her other children in shaking their heads and putting their palms on their faces whenever their mom posts some embarrassing shit on Instagram. But well, since no Madge adoption is complete without a layer of messiness covering it, here comes that layer of messiness.
Well what do you know. It turns out Madonna was actually snooping around Malawi for a new set of kids to bring into her life.
Reuters reports that this morning, Malawi’s high court approved Madonna’s request to adopt four-year-old twin girls, Esther and Stella Mwalea. A spokesperson for Malawi’s judiciary says that Madonna was in the courtroom Tuesday when the decision was made. Esther and Stella have reportedly been living together in a Malawi orphanage for two years. The Daily Mail seems to think Madonna and Esther and Stella will all leave for New York within the next 24 hours on a private jet.
If Madge is telling the truth, then another child won’t have to deal with cringing inside out when their mom drops the n-word on Instagram, and they won’t have to dress up in a Balboa Bay Window-like matching outfit to pose with her at an awards show. Everyone reported that Madge was in a court room in Malawi today to file an application to adopt two more children, but she denies it. I don’t know if I believe her. She may be putting together her own child army, because she’ll need a bunch of kids to be lookouts outside the White House.
Yesterday was the day sisters ALL over the world put on on their pink pussy ears hats and stood together for the Women’s March. They were protesting everything awful that the new ruler of the free world (and don’t think Donald Trump’s not taking that title literally) represents. The Washington D.C. march featured several celebrity speakers, and among them was Madonna. Madge took advantage of the historic event to indulge in one of her favorite activities – dropping fuck bombs in public!
CNN was providing live coverage of the march, and whomever was manning the beep button over there was either asleep or firmly on Team Pussy Grabs Back, because the viewing audience was treated to the uncensored version of Madonna’s speech.
Piers Morgan’s restless troll syndrome acted up again recently when he decided to start shit with Lady Gaga and Madonna. Piers probably thought he was safe from any retaliation, since Lady Gaga and Madonna are automatically programmed to come for each other in the event they’re both dragged into something. But that didn’t happen.
Piers ended up on Lady Gaga’s shit list over tweets he made about her and Madonna’s rape accusations and also her PTSD claims. And Lady Gaga’s talons are firmly aimed at Piers.