Seen above dressed like a child beauty pageant queen about to do a dance performance of the Dixie Chicks’ White Trash Wedding, Madonna has queefed out Medellin, the first single off her new album Madame X. Madge has taken a much-needed break from terrorizing the corneas of her Instagram followers with beyond filtered selfies from creepy HELL and has been using her social media pages to tease her new album and new song with Colombian singer Maluma.
The look for Madge’s new album is like something out of a knock-off Quentin Tarantino movie, so I was into it, but the first song sounds like a Selena Gomez bonus track on the Japanese edition of one of her albums from 2013. No offense to Selena Gomez, bonus tracks, Japanese editions, or 2013.
It was just the other day that Madonna revealed to us that she has a new album coming out called Madame X. The concept album surrounding the character she created known as Madame X has the gays wondering just what we’re going to get from this new persona Madonna is introducing us to. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be unnecessarily slutty. Well we won’t have to wait for long to find out, as she announced on Instagram that her new single Medellin featuring Maluma will be out on Wednesday.
It’s the weekend of cryptic teasers! In the time-honored tradition of pop divas ripping each other off (like Gaga and Madge, Beyonce and everybody’s choreography, Billie Eilish and that scary girl in high school who beat you up behind the gym for looking at her boyfriend), Madonna looked over at Taylor Swift’s pastel dreamland countdown tease and screamed, “But I’m still relevant, too, you young hussy!” And promptly teased something of her own.
For the past twelve years, Madonna and her manager Guy Oseary have thrown an ULTRA EXCLUSIVO Oscars after-party at his mansion, and the guest list is supposedly tighter than her face and guests aren’t allowed to take pictures. Because you want to be able to snort a line off of your Oscar statue’s ass crack in peace without worrying about some trick taking a picture of it and tagging you on Instagram. Guests aren’t allowed to post pics from the party on their social media, but you better believe Madonna made sure that we all saw a pic of her arm around her one-time nemesis Lady Gaga, and no, she’s not choking that reductive bitch out. Not in the pic that was posted anyway.
I guess Madonna is done getting attention by terrorizing eulogies at major awards shows and has to come up with a new gimmick, so why not remind people of the Erotica years?! Madge has been a blonde for most of her career, named a tour after ‘dem blonde locks, and hell, she’s probably known for her hair color as much as she is for sucking the life out of rising pop princesses.
I knew we hadn’t seen nor heard the last of Madonna after she brought in the new year with a booty so ridiculously big it would make the cast of any Love and Hip Hop show say, “Ewww.” Everyone knows that Madge is controversy personified and never bites her tongue, so now she has a message for those of us who have something to say about her new ass: we can all pucker up and kiss those pads now!