If y’all were hoping to see an Aretha Franklin tribute last night at the VMAs, erm, Madonna gave a long-ass speech in front of a photo of Aretha about her own career and how she once sang “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman.” People got ripshit because Madge was Madge and made it all about her and not really at all about Aretha, but now Madonna has clapped back. Madge said that she wasn’t doing an Aretha tribute – if you want a real tribute, she needs at least a half-hour of cultural appropriation and self-promotion to really do the memorial justice!
Here’s Madonna’s MTV VMAs Tribute To Madonna (Featuring An Aretha Franklin Album She Listened To Once, Or Something)
Anybody who took one look at Madonna’s “rich white lady who listened to Baduizm once” ensemble and said, “nope,” before changing the channel, made the right decision.
Queen Aretha Franklin died not that long ago and she wasn’t really known as a music video artiste, so I wasn’t expecting the MTV to do a tribute extravaganza to her at the VMAs tonight. But if they took an “Aretha Franklin look” wig from Wish, threw it on a stool, and played a warped copy of Respect on a Boombox, it would’ve been a more well thought out tribute than the one that was dry farted out onto the stage. It’s as if the producers of the VMAs said to Madge, “Will you honor the Queen?“, and she figured they were talking about her.
No, that’s not a photo your local funeral director lip-synching for her life in a Stevie Nicks lookalike contest down at the Hard Rock Café. It’s just Madge showing that, at nearly 60, she will never pass up an opportunity to channel Morticia Addams in a push-up bra to summon the youthful spirits of Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj, and whoever else is in her pop star harem to buoy her into top-40 radio. Like Santa, Madonna is always watching, but the gaze has been from afar as of late. Bitch up and moved to Portugal, but it’s not just because she had the hunger for piri piri peen and a new album. She’s a soccer mom and only wants the best for her kids! Continue reading
Page Six reports that recent Beyhive favorite Madonna and her legal team were told to cut the shit regarding her recent efforts to obtain records from the neighbors in her Upper West Side co-op in NYC. From that post title, you probably assumed the neighbors were bitching in a courtroom about all of the bulldozer, jackhammer, and iceberg cracking sounds coming from Madge’s place during her morning beauty ritual. But no, it’s some legal stuff.
Hello, fellow Dlisted-ers! I’m Jovi, reporting from Seattle, WA. Where I spend most of my time staring at the mailbox waiting for a magical letter confirming that I am the dumpster lust baby conceived by Jerri Blank and Laird at the Flatpoint High “Make Out Dance.” The other 20 minutes of my day, I enjoy sitting on the front porch, critiquing the Grunge Revivalists that pass by, wiping away tears of nostalgia and sighing about how easy it is to buy pre-ripped jeans and flannel shirts now. We really had to thrift hard for that shit back in the day. Anyway, enough curmudgeonry, let the antics begin!
Poor Madonna has probably been feeling a bit “True Blue” lately, as she hasn’t had any viable press or felt “Cherished” since the Met Gala six weeks ago, so she decided to throw a little “Ray of Light” on herself (luckily, that’s all I’ve got). Well, Madge got the attention she craved this morning, but not entirely the kind she had in mind.
At last night’s Met Gala, the category was: Catholic High Drag. And Madonna was there. So knowing two these things….
- Madge has been an extra sharp thorn in the Catholic church’s side for decades.
- Madge gets ten years added to her life when she bares those 59-year-old nalgitas and chichis at the Met Gala.
…I figured and hoped that she’d really blow the tit hat off of the Pope’s head by showing up in nothing but a crucifix butt plug, a crown of thrones clit ring, and communion wafers barely covering her nips. Or I figured she’d just bring Sinead O’Connor who’d spray paint “filthy pedos” all over the exhibit. (Seriously, the Met Gala needed Sinead.) But Madge delivered a real PLOT TWIST when she hit the eyes of the people with “grown Heidi at the funeral of her rich Italian husband.” She should’ve went all the way by yodel-ay-hee-boo-hooing onto a casket.