Page Six reports that recent Beyhive favorite Madonna and her legal team were told to cut the shit regarding her recent efforts to obtain records from the neighbors in her Upper West Side co-op in NYC. From that post title, you probably assumed the neighbors were bitching in a courtroom about all of the bulldozer, jackhammer, and iceberg cracking sounds coming from Madge’s place during her morning beauty ritual. But no, it’s some legal stuff.
Hello, fellow Dlisted-ers! I’m Jovi, reporting from Seattle, WA. Where I spend most of my time staring at the mailbox waiting for a magical letter confirming that I am the dumpster lust baby conceived by Jerri Blank and Laird at the Flatpoint High “Make Out Dance.” The other 20 minutes of my day, I enjoy sitting on the front porch, critiquing the Grunge Revivalists that pass by, wiping away tears of nostalgia and sighing about how easy it is to buy pre-ripped jeans and flannel shirts now. We really had to thrift hard for that shit back in the day. Anyway, enough curmudgeonry, let the antics begin!
Poor Madonna has probably been feeling a bit “True Blue” lately, as she hasn’t had any viable press or felt “Cherished” since the Met Gala six weeks ago, so she decided to throw a little “Ray of Light” on herself (luckily, that’s all I’ve got). Well, Madge got the attention she craved this morning, but not entirely the kind she had in mind.
At last night’s Met Gala, the category was: Catholic High Drag. And Madonna was there. So knowing two these things….
- Madge has been an extra sharp thorn in the Catholic church’s side for decades.
- Madge gets ten years added to her life when she bares those 59-year-old nalgitas and chichis at the Met Gala.
…I figured and hoped that she’d really blow the tit hat off of the Pope’s head by showing up in nothing but a crucifix butt plug, a crown of thrones clit ring, and communion wafers barely covering her nips. Or I figured she’d just bring Sinead O’Connor who’d spray paint “filthy pedos” all over the exhibit. (Seriously, the Met Gala needed Sinead.) But Madge delivered a real PLOT TWIST when she hit the eyes of the people with “grown Heidi at the funeral of her rich Italian husband.” She should’ve went all the way by yodel-ay-hee-boo-hooing onto a casket.
As we know, Tupac Shakur and Madonna had a brief thing in the 90s, and he ended it because she’s white. Tupac wrote it all in a letter to her in 1995, a year before he was murdered. Well, that letter, and a few other personal items from Madge’s life were going to be auctioned. She tried to stop that auction, but a judge has struck down her motion, because nothing is sacred. Continue reading
Maybe I’m just starting some shit, but for two chicks who seem to have nothing in common, Madonna and Angelina Jolie sure know how to rip pages from the same playbook. Both quietly amassed their own child army, both have the posture of a Dementor, and both sure as hell like to make brutally depressing violent movies. Somehow Madonna cajoled a studio to let her get behind the camera again because she’s about to make her third movie. Sadly, it doesn’t involve running around looking for someone named Susan. Continue reading
Madonna recently posted a video of herself getting forked real good on Instagram. And for once, Madonna is doing something age appropriate! Like any other 59 year old, she’s just discovered the joys of Snapchat filters, five years after the kids have moved on to whatever it is the kids have moved on to.