Well what do you know. It turns out Madonna was actually snooping around Malawi for a new set of kids to bring into her life.
Reuters reports that this morning, Malawi’s high court approved Madonna’s request to adopt four-year-old twin girls, Esther and Stella Mwalea. A spokesperson for Malawi’s judiciary says that Madonna was in the courtroom Tuesday when the decision was made. Esther and Stella have reportedly been living together in a Malawi orphanage for two years. The Daily Mail seems to think Madonna and Esther and Stella will all leave for New York within the next 24 hours on a private jet.
If Madge is telling the truth, then another child won’t have to deal with cringing inside out when their mom drops the n-word on Instagram, and they won’t have to dress up in a Balboa Bay Window-like matching outfit to pose with her at an awards show. Everyone reported that Madge was in a court room in Malawi today to file an application to adopt two more children, but she denies it. I don’t know if I believe her. She may be putting together her own child army, because she’ll need a bunch of kids to be lookouts outside the White House.
Yesterday was the day sisters ALL over the world put on on their pink pussy ears hats and stood together for the Women’s March. They were protesting everything awful that the new ruler of the free world (and don’t think Donald Trump’s not taking that title literally) represents. The Washington D.C. march featured several celebrity speakers, and among them was Madonna. Madge took advantage of the historic event to indulge in one of her favorite activities – dropping fuck bombs in public!
CNN was providing live coverage of the march, and whomever was manning the beep button over there was either asleep or firmly on Team Pussy Grabs Back, because the viewing audience was treated to the uncensored version of Madonna’s speech.
Piers Morgan’s restless troll syndrome acted up again recently when he decided to start shit with Lady Gaga and Madonna. Piers probably thought he was safe from any retaliation, since Lady Gaga and Madonna are automatically programmed to come for each other in the event they’re both dragged into something. But that didn’t happen.
Piers ended up on Lady Gaga’s shit list over tweets he made about her and Madonna’s rape accusations and also her PTSD claims. And Lady Gaga’s talons are firmly aimed at Piers.
They’ve barely completed construction of the urn at Paisley Park holding Prince’s cremains, and Madonna is already sort of smirking aloud at outliving him and Michael Jackson.
Schadenfreude is legit, Madge, but usually you keep it to yourself so as not to appear bitter and evil. Billboard gave our oldest living pop harpy their Woman of the Year Award on Friday night and she took the opportunity to gloat over the dead.
Madonna’s Carpool Karaoke segment aired last night as promised on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Thanks to a promo clip, we already knew she was going to attempt to twerk in James Corden’s karaoke room on wheels while cruising around NYC.
Madonna and James sang Madonna classics like Vogue, Papa Don’t Preach, Express Yourself, and and they also sang Bitch I’m Madonna. James also got deep and asked her if she’d get married again (she just wants someone who understands her sense of humor) and grilled her about her friendship with Michael Jackson. Here’s what we learn about Madonna and MJ: she once got Michael loose with a glass of chardonnay and kissed him. She doesn’t elaborate on what happened after that kiss. Thank you Madonna! That was very kind of you.
At least she stayed in her seat somewhat. It would be too dangerous if she was allowed to move around the cabin. Nobody wants to watch A Very Special Carpool Karaoke that opens with Madge pretending to jerk off the parking break while singing Who’s That Girl and ends with a terrified James Corden squealing “Oi oi oi stop trying to hump the steering wheel!”
It’s a well-known fact that Madonna doesn’t care for NYC’s laws, and last night’s carpool karaoke proved that. Twerking, crotch-flexing, and hanging her business out of the car window? That’s two blatant traffic infractions right there: riding without a seat belt and distracting other drivers with your horny mom moves.