Who Worked It Better?

On the left is Southern California used car salesman ICON Cal Worthington and on the right is Madge at the Grammys tonight. Do I even need to ask? Cal Worthington won this battle without knowing it. May God bless his pussy cow-loving soul.

As expected, at the Grammys tonight, the grown-up Phil DeVille we all know as Macklemore yodeled out “Same Love” with Ryan Lewis and Mary Lambert before 33 couples got married by Queen Latifah. Sadly, Queen Latifah didn’t come out in a big way by scissoring with her girlfriend while getting married too. But after she declared all those couples as married, Madge, who was dressed like Boss Hog, wobbled out on a cane and looked like something straight out of Death Becomes Her. Bitch can’t move her rubber face and the way she moved… She looked like Misty Day just brought her back to life. Your nana was like, “That was me a day after hip surgery!” Madge sang “Open Your Heart” before singing with Mary Lambert and the whole entire thing was a major mess. Getting married live on the Grammys in front of all those wrecks sounds like a complete nightmare from Hell to me, but hey, it’s their wedding.

And I can’t wait for the Grammys next year when the ghost of Tammy Wynette sings D-I-V-O-R-C-E in a mass divorce ceremony starring all those couples who were married tonight.