Nothing sells tabloids in England like transcripts of a wire-tapped phone conversation of the Royal Family or Cheryl Cole breakup rumors (what will her next last name be?!), but the latest round of relationship-on-the-rocks reports may be false…or at least not ready to be announced until some financial settlement is made. Cheryl was rumored to be in “crisis talks” with the father of her baby Liam Payne, and it wasn’t just a crisis of some of the fug fashion he rocks on Instagram. While the word was they were oh-so-close to breaking up, they both arrived to the red carpet of the BRIT Awards tonight in London looking like their usual Mrs. Robinson-and-boytoy selves. Continue reading
Answer: Diddy gives a fuck, like a lot of fucks.
red beige and blue carpet posing portion of last night’s Met Gala, Diddy worked the cameras with his on-and-off-and-on-and-off-and-on-again piece Cassie, and at one point he lounged on the steps like a man casually lounging on a display at Forever 21 while his girlfriend gets in a long line to try on a pair of jeans. That little smooth move brought out a dozen “Diddy Don’t Give A Fuck” headlines. Au contraire, bitch. Diddy does give a fuck and that shameless spotlight-shifting whore knew what he was doing.
Cassie stood there in a field of humongous ass sea urchins, working for those camera clicks, as Diddly easily got the cameras to move his way by casually strolling to the stairs for a little lounging time. Cassie’s dress is covered with giant plastic caterpillars (or are those giant Groucho Marx brows?) and Diddy gets all the attention by simply lounging like an evil vampire lounging on a velvet settee while eyeing his prey from across the room. Diddy wants us to think he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about her,” but we all know he’s saying, “Oh, this moment is all about moi.”
With that being said, I’d probably do the same thing, because standing is hard. And also, that dramatic lying down pose really does show off Diddy’s “Steven Seagal spending a casual afternoon at home” outfit.
And now we end our never-ending Mess Gala 2017 coverage with several dollops of hotness provided by the dudes of the night including ASkars, Riz Ahmed, Rami Malek and Luke Evans.
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty
Russia, the place with the church that looks like if pride week was a building, has a really big problem with the “exclusively gay moment” in the live action Beauty and the Beast. But unlike the Alabama drive-in theater, they’re not trying to prevent everyone from seeing it, which is a different than what was previously reported. Russia just doesn’t want anyone under 16 to see Josh Gad’s LeFou get mildy horny for Luke Evans’ Gaston.
The Russian Culture Ministry gave a statement about the situation to the Associated Press (via NBC), explaining that they received a petition from an ultraconservative lawmaker asking for BatB to be banned due to the film’s “overt and shameless propaganda of sin and sexual perversion under the guise of a fairy tale.” The Ministry isn’t banning the movie, but they have decided to slap it with a 16-plus rating. So in Russia, the only people allowed into a theater showing a Disney Princess movie will be older teenagers and adults. Yeah, that’s not completely weird.
Oh Russia – LeFou isn’t even the gayest part about the movie. LeFou could be replaced with an aggressively hetero sidekick named LeHank who spends the whole movie trying to bang the Bimbettes. But you’d still have the talking closet, the clock with the John Waters mustache, the song about entertaining with flair, and that part where a ripped hunk gets into a rassling match with a furry ripped hunk.
Honestly, if there’s anything in BatB that qualifies as propaganda, it’s Chip’s dead eyes. I refuse to let Disney brainwash me into thinking that’s not 100% creepy.
As a gay man, I can tell you this – a “gay part” can NEVER be “overblown.” Read into that what you will. Pervs. Homophobic Alabama drive-in owners, press pause! There’s a possibility you can show the live-action Beauty and the Beast at your Jesus-certified-and-approved parking lot with pretensions after all! Apparently, the homosessuality might be low-key enough to pass muster.
The owners of a North Alabama drive-in posted on their business’ Facebook page that motorists looking to see that live-action Beauty and the Beast mess at their establishment can keep right on driving. They won’t be showing the film due to the promised “exclusively gay moment” in which LeFou, played by Josh Gad, realizes he wants to hump on Gaston, coincidentally enough played by openly gay Luke Evans. Oh, no. Not at their trash-strewn parking lot with audio-visual capabilities!
Nearly every Disney fairy tale movie is one long “exclusively gay moment” and that’s why I love many of them, but what I mean by that headline is that the live-action Beauty and the Beast movie has a gay character in it. And that gay character gets the swoons over another character. Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t end with the curse not being broken because Belle is really a lesbian objectophile who runs off with the hot feather duster instead of getting with The Beast. A different character is gay. (Side note – When I die, please make sure my tombstone reads: He lived every exclusively gay moment like it was exclusively his last)