A Mississippi Anchor Was Removed From Air After Using One Of Snoop Dogg’s Most Popular Catchphrases

Sometimes it’s better to just remain silent if you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. And this tried, and true lesson of thinking before you speak may have come to claim the employment of WLBT-TV’s meteorologist Barbie Bassett. Recently, during a conversation about marijuana leaf-turned-rapper Snoop Dogg, she and her co-workers were on air discussing the latest addition to his wine collection. When one of the anchors suggested this latest flavor would ensure boozy Barbie’s devotion to Snoop, she agreed by saying, “Fo shizzle, my nizzle” (“nizzle” is slang for the N-word). But what she didn’t know is that her poor choice of words lead to her ultimate firing because this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this.

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A German Reporter Was Fired After Smearing Mud On Her Face To Look Like She Helped Clean Up A Flooded Town

Last week Europe was hit with torrential floods which killed at least 196 people in Germany and Belgium. Bad Münstereifel, a small town in Western Germany, was completely devastated, and soon TV presenter Susanna Ohlen showed up to report on the destruction. But before Susanna went live, she did something really dirty; she smeared mud on her face and clothes so it would look like she was in the middle of helping with the clean-up. Unfortunately for Susanna, her trick was caught on film by a curious onlooker who posted it on Twitter. She was suspended and then fired because that shit’s basically the opposite of “journalistic integrity” (or “journalistische integrität”).

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Open Post: Hosted By A Reporter Getting Attacked By A Sprinkler

Canadian field reporter Shelley Steeves was literally reporting from a field, when, out of nowhere, she was brutally attacked! Nope, it wasn’t the usual gropey, wasted sports fan angling for a celebration smooch. It was a high-powered oscillating sprinkler system! Global News released the raw footage on Facebook, with the caption: “A reminder from Global News New Brunswick’s Shelley Steeves that reporters should always be aware of their surroundings.” Ooo, drag her, Global News! Continue reading

Nothing Like A Cameo From A Peen During A Breaking News Report

I have always said that what every morning show needs is more dick and someone in Denver heard my prayers. While reporting on the tragic helicopter crash in Seattle today, the morning crew at Denver’s Fox affiliate KDVR were scrolling through some pictures on Twitter together when they came across Edward Scissorhands and a semi-excited peen just hanging out of a pair of pants. It was like a scene straight out of the Good Morning, Thetans show on SCCN (Scientology Celebrity Centre Network). Three out of four of the anchors made an open-mouthed Oh face (Side note: I too open my mouth wide whenever I see a peen) and the dude scrolling through the pictures tried the “If I don’t acknowledge it, it didn’t happen” tactic. I really have dick on the brain all the time, because I thought that wart-covered peen was pretty damn thick until I realized I was looking at an omelette stuffed with spaghetti, or something. That’s what happens when you constantly look at life through dick-colored glasses.

Since YouTube is prejudiced against peen, they’ve been yanking down the clip left and right, but thanks to Buzzfeed, there’s a NSFW Vine of this priceless moment and it’s after the jump. WARNING: Dick and a hairless man crotch ahead.  Continue reading

Somebody Is Pissed That Her Invitation To The WHCD Got Lost In The Mail

Tom Brokaw and Sarah Palin actually have something in common. They both hate-watched the hell out of the White House Correspondents’ Dinner last night. As the hos from DC and the hos from Hollywood roasted (although, it was more like a light searing followed by a soothing burn-cooling blow) each other, the White Rain crust on Sarah Palin’s hair strands melted off as she clenched her ass cheeks and fisted the TV in disgust. Those ass clowns in DC were drunkenly laughing with each other while hard-working American Sarah Palin was working hard. Drunk tweeting the WHCD in between finishing up your application for the next season of Splash is hard work, thankyouverymuch!

If you’re one of those hard-working Americans who was too busy working hard to watch that mess last night, here’s President Obama’s act which features cameos by Steven Spielberg, Moe Howard’s bangs and Tracy Morgan.

Here’s Conan’s act and if you ain’t got time for it, his best line was, “President Obama and John Boehner are kind of like a blind date between Anderson Cooper and Rachel Maddow. In theory, they understand each other’s positions, but deep down you know nothing is ever going to happen.”

I don’t know which image takes me higher: the image of Sarah Palin throwing her Bump-It at the TV screen, because she wasn’t invited to the party or the Silver Fox and Rachel Maddow awkwardly scissoring with their clothes on.

President Obama Can’t Be Bothered With Beyonce And Jay-Z’s Stupid Trip To Cuba

Beyonce and Jay-Z want us all to think that President Obama makes them friendship bracelets in their spare time and when he’s feeling lonely, he clutches half of the Friends Forever necklace they gave him and thinks of them. Jay-Z bragged in his song “Open Letter” about getting White House clearance to go to Cuba, but Obama said otherwise and put those name-dropping hos in their place.

Because she’s a serious journalist, Today’s Savannah Guthrie asked Obama the question that’s on everyone’s mind: What does he think about Jay-Z’s song and is it true he gave them permission to go to Cuba? (Ann Curry would NEVER. Actually, Ann Curry probably would.) Obama told Savannah that Bey-Z’s trip to Cuba is bronchitis to his Sweet Brown. He ain’t got time for that.

“I wasn’t familiar that they were taking the trip. My understanding is I think they went through a group that organizes these educational trips down to Cuba….. You know, this is not something the White House was involved with. We’ve got better things to do.”

He told them. How I wish that right after he said that last line, he popped open a fan and fanned himself Kenya Moore-style.

In possibly related news, a letter sent to Obama tested positive for the poison ricin. They better check to see if that letter was postmarked from the basement, because I don’t even want to know what Basement Baby had to do to earn a day pass to go to Coachella this past weekend.