A friend of mine once dumped a girl he was dating for not ever having taken the time to see a Star Wars flick. This seemed ridic to me until recently. One of my gay friends quoted a line from a show (“I don’t want to see that!“) and the look on my face (think Trump when you try to explain global warming) clued him in that I had never seen said show.
Exasperated friend: You’ve never seen The Comeback? Aunt Sassy?
Me: No, I just…
Exasperated friend: Valerie Cherish? You know, Lisa Kudrow from Friends?
Me: I’ve seen bits of it here and there but…
Exasperated friend: How can you call yourself a gay TV junkie and never seen The Comeback?
It was then I realized there are people out there who will cut you for not having seen their favorites. You would think I hadn’t vaccinated my child. And I’ve never referred to myself as a “gay TV junkie,” thank you. Anyway, apparently The Comeback is the cult classic that I should see before I die. And Lindsay Lohan wants to participate in Season 3. Well, it’s not like she has any other plans now that the holidays are over. Continue reading
Lisa Kudrow was on Watch What Happens Live on Wednesday night to promote her new movie Table 19, and a caller asked her what was the worst behavior from a guest star on Friends. Lisa mentioned one guest star who was a straight-up sexist asshole to her. To Phoebe, of all people!
“The worst behavior, off the top of my head? I rehearsed without makeup most of the week, and then on show night, I’m in hair and makeup, and I was told, ‘Oh wow, now you’re fuckable.’ That’s bad behavior, I’d say.”
When asked by fellow guest Jennifer Beals if she retaliated in any way, Lisa said she went and told Matt LeBlanc, because “he’s like a big brother.” During the Watch What Happens Live aftershow, Andy Cohen asked Lisa if the guest star was Charlie Sheen. Lisa says it wasn’t. Okay, well that leaves about…oh my god, so many options. You know what? I’m not going to say out loud who I think the alleged asshole is, but I’m just going to leave this here.
Lisa didn’t say what happened after she told Matt LeBlanc. But I like to imagine he cornered said actor with the chick and the duck in the darkest corner of the Central Perk set and taught him a lesson in manners. “Now you go say your sorry, or else we’ll have no choice but to bring Marcel the Monkey into this.”
Ever since Friends ended in 2004, fans of Friends fans (Frans?) have been waiting for a reunion, because they really want to see more of Ross, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, the “Could I BE anymore…” guy and the one who always wants to know how you’re doing. Some of the cast has sort of gotten together a couple times, but never for an official reunion thing. Courteney Cox explained back in 2015 that even if they wanted to do a reunion, there was always one person (*cough* Schwimmer *cough*) who wasn’t into it. There’s another friend who isn’t feeling a reunion, and it’s Lisa Kudrow.
Goopy Paltrow was honored at Variety’s Power of Women luncheon (or as she calls it, “Variety’s Power of Gwyneth Paltrow…And Some Other Women Too, Whatever” luncheon) on Friday and while talking to reporters on the red carpet, she turned herself into distilled organic steam and blew herself up into Taylor Swift’s b-hole. According to People, Goopy said that her 11-year-old daughter Apple Martin is a big Taylor Swift fan and she approves, because Taylor of Sunnybrook Farm is a serious businesswoman, a songwriter and doesn’t show up to events nipples-out naked. Yes, Goopy hated on naked chicks on the red carpet at a female empowerment event.
“She loves Taylor Swift, and for me, that’s such a great sign. Taylor is a girl who’s incredibly talented. She writes her own music. She’s not naked on the red carpet. She’s an incredibly astute businesswoman, so with role models like that, [Apple] can’t go wrong.
I really think that that generation is going to do something very special. Those girls, they are so in their power. They are absolutely shameless in terms of their femininity, and I think we’re on the verge of something really exciting.”
Okay, but besides my idol Micaela Schaefer, who in the hell shows up to events completely naked? I wish many of those famous types showed up completely naked, because it would probably be more pleasing to the eyes than the ugly shit they wear. But seriously, Goopy self-shaded herself with that comment. I mean, we all got a good view of her nipple knobs when she showed up to the Oscars looking like a frumpy goth Heidi and a couple of years ago she told us she had to shave off her Goop fur to wear an elegant see-through gown. Oh, Goop, I see you sitting next to a pile of freshly polished marble stones imported from Italy in your 15,000 square foot Baccarat glass house.
Here’s a bunch of pictures from Variety’s luncheon thing including some of a lube-faced Goopy looking like a cocktail waitress at a Pope-themed club.
Two “Friends” Down, Four More To Go: Taylor Swift Performed “Smelly Cat” With Lisa Kudrow Last Night
“Random” got a new definition this past weekend when the long-lost twin sister of American Girl doll Kit brought out Joey Tribbiani during her first of five shows at the Staples Center in L.A. Last night was Taylor Swift’s final show in L.A. and she continued with the “Friends” theme by bringing out Lisa Kudrow to sing the song that Brandi Glanville has dedicated to Joanna Krupa’s twat.
When “Smelly Cat” first popped up in a “Friends” episode in November 1995, Taylor Swift was only a tiny 5-year-old being raised by woodland creatures and enchanted elves on a Christmas tree farm in Pennsylvania. But since “Smelly Cat” is a classic and Taylor is a diabolical demon who won’t stop until all of your favorites belong to her, she sang that song with Lisa Kudrow. As this happened, Taylor’s Girl Squad held Lisa’s family hostage while screaming at them, “Shut the fuck up, we’ll let your asses go when Lisa does what we told her to do!”
If the world was a perfect place where dreams really do come true, Taylor would’ve exited stage left and let Phoebe Buffay do the rest of the show by herself.
Of course, Phoebe Buffay wasn’t Tay Tay’s only special guest last night. Taylor is trying hard to make that “Please Welcome to the Stage” parody a reality, so she also brought out Selena Gomez and she sang “Mirrors” with Justin Timberlake, who was dressed like a member of an all-white Run DMC tribute group.
Whatever, I won’t be impressed until Taylor brings out Charo, the cast of Models Inc. and the real-life Tupac. (Actually, please don’t bring out Charo, Taylor. If you do, I’ll have to judge Charo’s life choices and I don’t want to know what that feels like.)
I can’t decide if John Stamos’ belly button looks like a mushroom-headed dick poking out of his stomach or a skin-colored clown nose or the button nose of a bearded old man with no eyes? Well, whatever it looks like, I’d still lube it up with Dannon Oikos yogurt and hit it.
On Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night, he presented the 8th edition of the segment where famous types read mean tweets written by either Jimmy Kimmel’s writing team or actual Twatterers. This one gave us Lela Durham (copyright: Valerie Cherish) and her dog tits, John Stamos’ bubble belly button, Lisa Kudrow (who gets an A+++ in reacting), crack head Jon Hamm, raper-faced Scott Foley, Bob Newhart, Ted Danson and his majestic silver cliff of hair and Brit Brit who wore a turkey oven bag and looked like she laughed to keep from melting into a puddle of tears and Frapps. Most of these are good, but out of the billions of mean tweets about Goopy Paltrow, that’s the one they chose?!
Big Bird should’ve read that first one, because nothing is meaner than being compared to Goopy.