If this was 2010 Lindsay Lohan, debt collectors would be sharpening their knives as soon as the Lawyer.com direct deposit went through to her account since the likelihood of getting her to follow through on anything was pretty bleak. But this is 2018 Lindsay, and she’s here with a beyond-fitting endorsement deal from a website that promises to find a lawyer to take care of all of life’s speed bumps (like a DUI or two or 40), and she is here to WERK by offering Donald Trump the Lawyer.com team of legal professionals!
If anyone knows what it’s like to have a need for an armada of lawyers at your disposal, it’s Lindsay, which is why she might be able to give the president some advice as he is on the prowl for what seems like his 1800th lawyer in the Russia investigation, the Stormy Daniels case, and lord only knows what else. Lindsay seemed to agree and had some advice that also just happens to put some money in her pocket:
— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) April 4, 2018
Since that Mean Girls sequel isn’t exactly going the way Lindsay would like (aka it isn’t happening), she is resorting to some self-deprecating humor to make money as the spokeswoman for Lawyer.com. She revealed she was the new face of the company last month. Some people might poke fun at the idea of her giving logical legal advice to the President of the United States, and I say boo to those naysayers! He’s already dialed up all the lawyers in the back of the Yellow Pages, so it’s time for a new platform!
Lindsay Lohan decided to celebrate April Fools’ yesterday by surprising everyone with a series of Instagram stories in which she revealed the big news that Harvard Law School had personally invited her to give an upcoming commencement address. Despite the fact that Lindsay Lohan is barely qualified to give out the mailing address of Harvard Law, she really did go the extra mile to pull this one off.
Lindsay Lohan sued Rockstar Games a couple of years back for allegedly using her likeness in one of their hyper-popular Grand Theft Auto games. The court eventually asked the bailiff to escort Lindsay’s case out of the courtroom. That defeat didn’t cause the fresh face of the Dubai tourism board to just give up. She appealed the ruling, claiming that Rockstar (and their parent company Take-Two Interactive) invaded her privacy by modeling a character named “Lacey Jonas” on her freckled visage. Unfortunately, according to the BBC, six judges at New York state’s Court of Appeals unanimously stamped “NOPE!” on her appeal.
Mean Girls came out 13 years ago, and we’ve all kind of moved on. But thankfully it exists, if only to remind us of a better time before Lindsay Lohan’s career rolled down a trash-covered hill and got stuck in a damp puddle at the bottom. Lindsay really wants a Mean Girls sequel. But until that happens, she’s going to star in an all-female film from Saudi Arabia. And according to a new interview with W Magazine, apparently she was telling the truth last month when she said she was planning to launch her own beauty brand.
To accompany her W Magazine shoot, Lindsay re-created her 8 favorite Mean Girls quotes, but we’re playing pretty fast and loose with the term “re-creates” here. If she was really re-creating her favorite 8 lines, she wouldn’t have shaded Sears and she would have had 8 costume changes, pulled several multicolored LV bags from the archives, and thrown on a variety of wigs.
I’m glad they specified that Lindsay was re-creating her favorite lines from Mean Girls and not her favorite lines overheard during the filming of Mean Girls, otherwise that would be a very different list. Probably much shorter too. Just one line really. “Guys, we’re picking up some feedback on the mics. Sounds like snoring. Lindsay, is your mom sleeping off a hangover in your trailer again?”
At least temporarily while she’s in the United States talking to other Americans.
I’m sure the busted Euro-purr Lindsay Lohan puts on when she’s out of the country will return the second her plane crosses the 30th meridian west. “Hello, flight attendant? May I bother you for some (crosses line) of zee…how you say, wah-toor? Wahtoor wiss…uh…how you say, slice of ze lemon?”
A friend of mine once dumped a girl he was dating for not ever having taken the time to see a Star Wars flick. This seemed ridic to me until recently. One of my gay friends quoted a line from a show (“I don’t want to see that!“) and the look on my face (think Trump when you try to explain global warming) clued him in that I had never seen said show.
Exasperated friend: You’ve never seen The Comeback? Aunt Sassy?
Me: No, I just…
Exasperated friend: Valerie Cherish? You know, Lisa Kudrow from Friends?
Me: I’ve seen bits of it here and there but…
Exasperated friend: How can you call yourself a gay TV junkie and never seen The Comeback?
It was then I realized there are people out there who will cut you for not having seen their favorites. You would think I hadn’t vaccinated my child. And I’ve never referred to myself as a “gay TV junkie,” thank you. Anyway, apparently The Comeback is the cult classic that I should see before I die. And Lindsay Lohan wants to participate in Season 3. Well, it’s not like she has any other plans now that the holidays are over. Continue reading