Apparently, the collection plate we were passing around a few years ago in the Church Of Fallen Divas was highly lucrative during the Lindsay Lohan mass because she’s kept to living abroad – admittedly making poor social media decisions – and trying to show Paris Hilton she can also make a career out of catering to club queens. Lindsay showed Dancing With The Stars what they’re missing out on with her Carlton Banks-in-a-silver-jumpsuit dancing at Mykonos’ Lohan Beach House…and somehow managed to avoid conjuring the dementor of Madonna by singing “Vogue” in an “I smoked 10 packs of Parliaments this morning” voice. Mykonos may just be the beginning for the Lohan club circuit because she could be expanding her “empire” to the home of many of her alleged “clients” known as Dubai. Continue reading
I’m sorry everyone, the world’s most relevant and inspiring couple, Michael Lohan and Kate Major Lohan, have broken up. Tragic! Does true love even exist anymore? First Lil Xan and Noah Cyrus and now this? My heart just can’t take it.
The Blast is reporting that Kate filed papers in Florida yesterday to legally make her a divorcee, claiming that the four-year marriage was “irretrievably broken”. I think Michael Lohan has a few relationships in his life which can be described as “irretrievably broken”.
Lindsay Lohan is currently living the life in Mykonos, because she’s getting paid to party and dance and is also getting paid to party and dance in front of reality TV cameras. And her partying and dancing recently helped her go viral (“That isn’t the first time she’s gone viral.” – LiLo’s shady free clinic doctor) thanks to some cavity-inducing sweet moves she threw down on stage at Lohan Beach House in Mykonos. If somebody’s osteoporosis-having grandma got drunk on four white wine spritzers before her dance audition for the role of Velma Kelly in Shady Pines’ production of Chicago, she would serve up the same kind of old lady hotness that LiLo served up in Greece. And yes, she’d get the role thanks to that Boniva leg shuffle.
Looks like Lindsay Lohan really is back y’all. And by “back” I don’t mean she was cast in any new movies or anything like that–nobody except MTV (who works with hot messes annually and is used to it) wants to work with her still–but she is back in the sense that she’s saying stupid shit she needs to apologize for. Which is honestly, like, 73% of what fame whores do anyway, right?
Because Parasite Hilton got a lot of attention (read: posts from TMZ and this damn site) for spitting out Lindsay Lohan’s name again and again, she’s back at it. While walking through LAX (which is one of Paris Hilton’s few professional skills. alongside speaking in fake falsetto and achieving success with only four combined brain cells) TMZ asked her and fiancé Chris Zylka more about what they thought about Lindsay’s reality show. First they laughed off the question about watching the show, saying they were “too busy…we’re working!” Yeah, Chris you better work hard if you want to pay back your Sugar Mama for that ring she bought herself. Once pressed for any advice which they could give Lindsay before her big show, Chris gave this actually-useful piece of wisdom: “Stop.”
Today in Broke Celebrity News, Charlie Sheen is claiming he is too poor to handle paying child support to both his exes, Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller. The Blast reports that Charlie filed some requests with the court system to adjust his child support payments, saying his finances are no longer insanely stuffed to the brim and he can no longer afford his children. This is why we need Sex Ed; too many washed up stars end up broke paying for child support. Who’s looking after these people? There oughta be some kind of program to help these men out.