The Sun says that Lindsay Lohan finally made her Russian television talk show debut last night. Sadly, it didn’t end with a 1-year Russian visa and a horseback riding date with Vladimir Putin. At least I don’t think it did. We’ll only know for sure if late in 2017, Vladimir Putin reports a bunch of fur coats missing.
International (alleged) courtesan and Donald Trump’s chief rival for Vladimir Putin’s “#1 Groupie” Lindsay Lohan was in Mykonos this week. She was snapped sporting a ring with a good-sized yellow gem on her left
paparazzi ring finger (you can see it below). TMZ thinks she might be engaged again, but to a different dude. “Is it ok if I just like, switch out the groom’s name, um, on my registry?” – Lohan on the horn with Yachtstore.
She’s reportedly been hanging in Greece with restaurant owner Dennis Papageorgiou … fueling rumors she’s moving on from Egor after their blowout fight.
Just a few months ago, the 30-year-old with the pose power hot enough to dry up the oceans, was doing everything but fisting the paparazzi with the emerald ring that her ex-fiance Egor Tarabasov had supposedly given her. That situation degenerated into an evening of messy Instagram posts, a pregnancy hoax, and an attempted murder accusation. Which I’m going to go out on a limb and assume was a typical weekend at Lindsay’s house while she was growing up.
In 2013, a court threw out Lindsay Lohan’s lawsuit against Pitbull for causing her “emotional distress” by spitting out the lyric “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan” in his song Give Me Everything. Last year, a court threw out LiLo and White Oprah’s lawsuit against Fox News for saying that they do coke together. And yesterday, the New York state appeals court partook in the justice system’s favorite sport of throwing out a Lindsay Lohan lawsuit by throwing out the lawsuit she filed against the makers of Grand Theft Auto V. This may be the first time in a long time when Lindsay Lohan hasn’t been tied up in the legal system in some way. The courts must be so confused. But they shouldn’t worry, they may see her name on a lawsuit again when her lawyers sue her after she tries to pay their bill with a necklace and a coat with the security tag still attached to it.
Seen above giving you “washed-up and dried out, crab infested red seaweed” hotness, Lindsay Lohan has been asked to talk about her messy wreck of a relationship with Egor Tarabasov on a talk show in Russia, and since she lives in a wet fart bubble of delusion where she thinks she’s a gigantic star, she’s asking for a whole lot. LiLo is a monkey funeral away from becoming the Norma Desmond of our time.
On the current cover of Star Magazine is a picture of Lindsay Lohan’s come-to-life V for Vendetta mask of a fiancé Egor Tarabasov grabbing her arms during a fight on a beach in Mykonos. The picture came from a video that was taken by someone who watched LiLo and Egor fight in a Jeep before she threw his cellphone onto the sand and he twisted her arm while trying to pry it out of her hand. It was yet another messy situation in LiLo and Egor’s messy Lifetime movie of a relationship. Over the weekend, The Daily Mail published an interview they did with LiLo about that video and the night he allegedly choked her out in London. LiLo also says that her barbecued turtle turd of a father Michael Lohan uses her for press and attention. I know, you better freebase Xanax right away, because learning that Michael Lohan is a low-down dirty attention whore is just too much of a shock to your nerves on a Monday.
Oh, to be a fly on the wall at InTouch Weekly’s offices when the editors got the e-mail confirming that Lindsay Lohan is not pregnant just as they were about to hand Michael Lohan a money order in exchange for exclusive and real ultrasound scans of his knocked up daughter’s fetus.
Proving once again that Michael Lohan spews enough bullshit to keep Home Depot’s manure section fully stocked for decades, Dina Lohan confirms to TMZ that LiLo is not going to pussy burp out a giant freckle with a Russian accent in a few months, because she was never pregnant. LiLo was the first to start the pregnancy rumors by tweeting (and then deleting) about how she was knocked up. Michael Lohan later claimed that LiLo told him in a text that he’s going to be somebody’s grandpappy , but her friend Hofit Golan basically said to not listen to him. Well, Hofit was right, because it turns out that LiLo’s pregnancy was all just a regular Lohan-brand lie.