I was a full grown adult woman in 2000 so I’ve never seen Life-Size, the TV movie where Tyra Banks plays a Real Doll magically brought to life by Lindsay Lohan, and for that, I am truly, deeply sorry. How could I have missed it! Understandably, it’s become a bit of cult classic so it’s no surprise that Ty Ty has been trying to abracadabra a sequel to life since 2012! But for that kind of dark LiLo R’hllor shit to work, she knows she needs the help of The Red Priestess herself. And according to Entertainment Weekly, Ty Ty’s wish is Lilo’s command!
After years of failing to pony up the cash needed to keep the doors and windows on Lindsay Lohan’s childhood home from being boarded up by the bank, Dina Lohan’s Long Island house has gone into foreclosure.
In 2013 it was reported that Dina was $1 million in debt and took out a $1.3 million loan on her home. Obviously Dina is as good at paying loans back as she is at parenting, and the bank came calling. Lindsay swooped in to the rescue and gave her mom $40,000 to keep the bank away. It didn’t do much good. JP Morgan Chase filed a lawsuit to foreclose on her house. Dina and JP Morgan worked something out, and it allowed her to stay her house… until now. The Blast says a New York judge has ordered the home to be sold off.
According to documents, Dina is now homeless because she failed to respond to a recent foreclosure lawsuit. Not Dina’s fault. The only letters Dina probably opens are ones addressed to Nana Lohan that look like they might contain social security checks.
As of December 2017, Dina reportedly owed $1,492,784.21 on her home. When the matter went to court, Dina didn’t show up, and now some lucky Long Islander can purchase it. Who wouldn’t want a 4,119-square foot colonial with a two-car garage, a pool, and a basement that will immediately need to be decontaminated of the chemicals leaking from hundreds of expired Sevin Nyne self-tanner bottles. The new owner will just have to check the pool house when they move in, to make sure there aren’t any possums inside that look suspiciously like Dina Lohan in a mangy mink coat.
If this was 2010 Lindsay Lohan, debt collectors would be sharpening their knives as soon as the Lawyer.com direct deposit went through to her account since the likelihood of getting her to follow through on anything was pretty bleak. But this is 2018 Lindsay, and she’s here with a beyond-fitting endorsement deal from a website that promises to find a lawyer to take care of all of life’s speed bumps (like a DUI or two or 40), and she is here to WERK by offering Donald Trump the Lawyer.com team of legal professionals!
If anyone knows what it’s like to have a need for an armada of lawyers at your disposal, it’s Lindsay, which is why she might be able to give the president some advice as he is on the prowl for what seems like his 1800th lawyer in the Russia investigation, the Stormy Daniels case, and lord only knows what else. Lindsay seemed to agree and had some advice that also just happens to put some money in her pocket:
— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) April 4, 2018
Since that Mean Girls sequel isn’t exactly going the way Lindsay would like (aka it isn’t happening), she is resorting to some self-deprecating humor to make money as the spokeswoman for Lawyer.com. She revealed she was the new face of the company last month. Some people might poke fun at the idea of her giving logical legal advice to the President of the United States, and I say boo to those naysayers! He’s already dialed up all the lawyers in the back of the Yellow Pages, so it’s time for a new platform!
Lindsay Lohan decided to celebrate April Fools’ yesterday by surprising everyone with a series of Instagram stories in which she revealed the big news that Harvard Law School had personally invited her to give an upcoming commencement address. Despite the fact that Lindsay Lohan is barely qualified to give out the mailing address of Harvard Law, she really did go the extra mile to pull this one off.
Lindsay Lohan sued Rockstar Games a couple of years back for allegedly using her likeness in one of their hyper-popular Grand Theft Auto games. The court eventually asked the bailiff to escort Lindsay’s case out of the courtroom. That defeat didn’t cause the fresh face of the Dubai tourism board to just give up. She appealed the ruling, claiming that Rockstar (and their parent company Take-Two Interactive) invaded her privacy by modeling a character named “Lacey Jonas” on her freckled visage. Unfortunately, according to the BBC, six judges at New York state’s Court of Appeals unanimously stamped “NOPE!” on her appeal.
Mean Girls came out 13 years ago, and we’ve all kind of moved on. But thankfully it exists, if only to remind us of a better time before Lindsay Lohan’s career rolled down a trash-covered hill and got stuck in a damp puddle at the bottom. Lindsay really wants a Mean Girls sequel. But until that happens, she’s going to star in an all-female film from Saudi Arabia. And according to a new interview with W Magazine, apparently she was telling the truth last month when she said she was planning to launch her own beauty brand.
To accompany her W Magazine shoot, Lindsay re-created her 8 favorite Mean Girls quotes, but we’re playing pretty fast and loose with the term “re-creates” here. If she was really re-creating her favorite 8 lines, she wouldn’t have shaded Sears and she would have had 8 costume changes, pulled several multicolored LV bags from the archives, and thrown on a variety of wigs.
I’m glad they specified that Lindsay was re-creating her favorite lines from Mean Girls and not her favorite lines overheard during the filming of Mean Girls, otherwise that would be a very different list. Probably much shorter too. Just one line really. “Guys, we’re picking up some feedback on the mics. Sounds like snoring. Lindsay, is your mom sleeping off a hangover in your trailer again?”