It’s still dark times in the aftermath of the world losing its purple angel, Prince. In the words of Burt Bacharach, what the world needs now, is love. What the world doesn’t need is people slinging hateful words at the gems we have left! Prince’s long legacy gave us some of the most precious jewels of glamour, elegance and musical talent. One went up home earlier this year, before Prince, Vanity. But we’ve still got some left. Like Sheila E. Sheila can knock the hell out of the drums and can sing like no one’s business. But that’s not enough for some hateful hos. In this case, we’re talking about Linda Perry. Don’t mess with the Prince family, Linda. Just don’t.
Pharrell’s hat twin Linda Perry became Little Monster enemy #1 last night when she accused Lady CaCa of using one of Beyonce’s signature tricks to get a writing credit on a song. Linda Perry is the one who exposed Beyonce’s writing credit trick and now she’s yanking at Gaga’s wig. Diane Warren and Gaga were nominated for a Best Song Oscar for the song Til It Happens To You from the documentary The Hunting Ground. Linda went “hmmm…” on Twitter last night over how Diane Warren’s demo of the song was pretty much identical to the version that Lady CaCa released. The hipster cholita scarecrow says that only one little line was re-worked in Til It Happens To You, and she thinks Diane let Gaga make that tiny change so that Gaga would get a writing credit and the song would get more promotion.
If Linda Perry asked the question “What’s going on?” anytime last Saturday, the answer shouted back at her was probably “Your wife’s cervix is 4 centimeters dilated.” According to The Daily Mail, Sara Gilbert spent her Saturday birthing out the baby boy that was chilling out inside her for the past 9 months. This is Sara and Linda’s first baby together, and they’ve named him Rhodes Emilio Gilbert Perry. Sara also has two kids from a previous relationship, a 10-year-old son named Levi and a 7-year-old daughter named Sawyer.
I don’t know if Linda and Sara will refer to their baby as Rhodes or Rhodes Emilio, but I hope they go formal and refer to him as Rhodes Gilbert Perry. Rhodes Gilbert Perry sounds like the name of an old money character from a movie about a messy party slob son who inherits his father’s snobby country club. Rhodes Gilbert Perry’s best friend is Franklin Franklinton III, and they don’t understand what pizza is.
Then again, I’m sure he’s nothing like this Rhodes Gilbert Perry character I’ve invented. Baby Rhodes no doubt spent his 9 months on the inside absorbing as much cool from Mommy Linda as possible. I wouldn’t doubt you if you told me slid out of Sara’s womb wearing an infant-sized necklace out of a set of vintage bronze keys and a knit beanie while riffing on a tiny Les Paul guitar. I don’t know how he got it up there, but leave it to a cool baby to find a way.
And if you want to see what it would look like if Darlene from Roseanne tried to steal a basketball for David, here’s Sara a couple weeks ago before she gave birth:
The good thing about being with someone with letters tattooed on their fingers is that you can easily tell them which finger you want during finger fuck times. Give me just the A! Now slowly bring in that N! Okay, shove the whole ANT in me. It just makes things easier and kind of educational. Now on to Sara Gilbert and Linda Perry’s BABY!!! news…..
Sara Gilbert casually announced on her show The Talk today that she’s got a womb full of her first kid with her wife Linda Perry. People says that during the show’s “Facing Your Fears” segment, Sara said that she couldn’t do her dare of lying on a bed of nails with a cinder block on her stomach, because doing so would be an act of fetus abuse since she’s pregnant.
“I actually can’t do it, because I’m pregnant,” she revealed, tearing up. “I feel good, I feel really good … at first I was really tired.”
This kid will be Sara’s third and Linda Perry’s first.
Sara didn’t say who jacked off into a donor cup for her and the cholita Steven Tyler. I’m guessing that Johnny Galecki did the honors. It has to be Johnny Galecki. I mean, Sara Gilbert wouldn’t be with Linda Perry if Johnny didn’t “turn her into a lesbian” by putting his mouth on hers a million years ago, so it’s only fitting.
Some pop stars will take a song they didn’t write at all and change one tiny lyric so they can get the songwriting credit, because: 1) The throbbing, pus-filled ego monster that lives inside of them tells them that the song is nothing without them and; 2) The throbbing, pus-filled greed monster that also lives inside of them wants that royalty money. Beyonce is known for pulling that trick. So during a Reddit AMA (via Vulture) to promote her new Vh1 show Make or Break, songwriter and 4 Non-Blonder Linda Perry was asked what she thinks about hos pulling that shit. As the BumbleBeys of the Beehive prepared their stingers for attack, she spit this out.
Linda, how do you feel about Beyonce changing one word on a song and getting writing credit. Does that bother you as a songwriter?
well hahaha um thats not songwriting but some of these artists believe if it wasnt for them your song would never get out there so they take a cut just because they are who they are. but everyone knows the real truth even Beyonce. She is talented but in a completely different way
That statement is dripping with pure, potent, sickening jealousy! The chola Erykah Badu is obviously just jealous of Beyonce’s impeccable writing skills, because she wishes she wrote the classic Christmas song Silent Night, the haunting Ave Maria and the disco masterpiece Emotion like Beyonce did! How dare Linda Perry come for little, old songwriting artist Beyonce. I mean, Beyonce obviously writes her own songs. We all saw her scribble in her notebook in that insufferable propaganda piece masquerading as an HBO documentary!
People says that somewhere in California yesterday, 40-year-old Sara Gilbert (Side note: Yes, a single white hair grows out of your ass lips when you read the words “39-year-old Sara Gilbert.” It’s a natural reaction) started on the road to wedded misery with the chick from 4 Non Blondes. All together now: And I say haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay-yaaaay-yaaay-yay-yay-haaaaaay-yaaay-yaaay, I say, hay, congrats, bitches!
Darlene Conner and 49-year-old Linda Perry starting bumpin’ ‘ginas full-time around 3 years ago after Darlene got out of a really long relationship. Linda proposed to Darlene last year. UsWeekly says that Juliette Lewis was at their wedding, but other than that, there’s no other details and I know that’s making you prop up your eyelids with toothpicks, because you can’t close them without knowing every detail about Darlene Conner’s wedding. So let’s just assume that Becky #1 and #2 were her bridesmaids, her something borrowed was a tuxedo made out of Roseanne’s chicken shirt, Dan walked her down the aisle while wearing his baby blue bathrobe and DJ watched it all from the children’s table where he belongs. Afterward, Sara Gilbert gave a special toast to Johnny Galecki for making her wedding possible by turning her into a lesbian with his gayelle-turning lips a million years ago.
And here’s Sara and Linda a couple of weeks ago at an event for L.A.’s Gay and Lesbian Center. Sara did good, because Linda Perry looks like the spawn of Freddy Krueger and a cholo Gelfling and that IS the look.