Category: Liam Neeson
After Sharing His Racist Revenge Fantasy With The World, Liam Neeson Says He’s Not Racist
Black History Month got off to a great start yesterday when we all heard the racist tale of yore of how Liam Neeson once reacted to the rape of a close friend by walking the streets hoping that some random black man would mess with him so he could kill that random black man as an act of revenge against his friend’s rapist (who she said was black). The W,T, and F keys on thousands of keyboards are probably broken today because that’s what everyone pounded in response to Liam’s story. Liam was on Good Morning America today to promote his newest revenge movie Cold Pursuit, and says that he’s not racist and that the racist revenge thoughts that ran through his brain back then were healed through power walking!
Liam Neeson Thought It’d Be A Great Idea To Admit He Once Wanted To Murder A Random Black Man In Revenge
If you go out for a stroll today and spot someone furiously digging a hole, don’t worry, it’s just Liam Neeson’s publicist trying to dig to a place far, far away where there’s no cell phone reception and so their iPhone won’t blow up with calls asking about the stream of fuckery that came out of his mouth during an interview.
Liam Neeson To Play A Revenge-Seeking Snowplow Operator
Imagine the trailer? Liam’s in the middle of a snowstorm on his phone warning someone that “I’m a plow driver with a very particular set of skills. And I’m coming for your car that you just dug out. I’m coming to plow it back into a snowbank. And to ding it. Once.” Although this sounds like Taken 4: Snowplow Operator, it’s going to be a whole new movie. Deadline reports that sexy 66-year-old Liam Neeson is set to star as a snowplow driver seeking revenge in Hard Powder. It could be worse. It could be a reboot of something.
Liam Neeson Isn’t Dating An “Incredibly Famous” Woman, Or So He Wants Us To Think
“You see this rolled-up magazine? My dick game trumps this bitch.” – Liam Neeson in that picture, obviously.
During an interview with The Irish Independent, Liam Neeson was asked he’s dating anyone and he casually said that he’s seeing an incredibly famous woman. Liam said he was too embarrassed to name her incredibly famous name. The guessing game started! Jezebel even joked that Liam was eating Kristen Stewart’s box in the back of a MINI Cooper because they were both papped leaving the same restaurant on the same night. The Mirror picked up Jezebel’s joke and put it out there as a serious question. Gossip Cop later shocked everyone by saying that Kristen Stewart’s puss is not sucking on Liam’s Evian bottle dick. But well, now UsWeekly is trying to kill the fun by saying that Liam was just telling jokes.
An insider tells Us Weekly exclusively that the Taken 3 star, 63, “was just joking.”
Uh huh, that’s what a dude who accidentally let it slip that he’s dating an incredibly famous woman would say. I bet that the incredibly famous woman he’s regularly fucking called him from the hospital (where she’s recovering from getting her cervix smashed to smithereens by his typhoon-class peen) and told him to make the story go away, because an incredibly famous woman like her wants to keep things private. That’s totally something an incredibly famous woman would do too.
And here’s pictures of my guess for Liam’s incredibly famous piece, Chicken Cutlets, posing with chicken cutlets in a highly artistic grocery store photo shoot. Ginger hotness can be found in your grocer’s refrigerator section.
Blind Item: Which Incredibly Famous Woman Is Liam Neeson Dating?
Tall piece of Irish hotness Liam Neeson did an interview with The Irish Independent to promote a TV documentary he narrates and the subject of whose sugar walls are getting mashed by his long banger came up. It’s been 6 years since Liam Neeson lost his wife Natasha Richardson and he understandably says that it’s still a really sore subject and the grief will always be there. But Liam got happier while talking about Valentine’s Day and his new piece. No, the interviewer didn’t ask Liam about Valentine’s Day right after talking about him losing his wife. They had tact and talked about other stuff in between. I think.
But anyway, Liam was asked about his Valentine’s Day plans and also asked if he’s regularly blowing out the same coochie with his Irish ham sub sandwich peen. Liam said that he’s dating an incredibly famous woman.
“I’ll send out a few bunches of flowers to various people and I usually just say ‘from an Irish admirer’.” Is he involved with anyone? “Yes, but I’d embarrass her if I said her name, she’s incredibly famous. I’ll have to do my best for her. It’s amazing how far a simple bunch of freshly picked flowers will go in a lady’s life, I find.”
There’s not many people I’d call “incredibly famous,” so that easily narrows it down to these 10 women who are more famous than famous.
Betty White
Joan Collins
The Snapple Lady
Shauna Sand
Charo
Angelyne
Grace Jones
Bai Ling
La Toya Jackson
The Roses Lady of West Hollywood
But seriously, there is an easy way to figure out who Liam Neeson’s incredibly famous girlfriend is. All we have to do is keep our eyes open for a famous lady who walks bow-legged, has to constantly hold onto her crotch to keep her vagina from falling out and has a hunchback because a big Irish dick broke her spine. I mean, we all have that GIF of Liam’s swinging crotch vine saved onto our desktops forever. Since it is a NSFW classic and never gets old I’ve thrown it up after the cut.
Lindsay Lohan Might Be Doing Liam Neeson’s Teenage Son
Seen here after murdering whatever was left of her career and dignity (or maybe it was one of those heavy, heavy flow days), Lindsay Lohan is supposedly scooting her freckled labia jerky all over the 18-year-old son of Liam Neeson and the late Natasha Richardson. In a semi-dark room somewhere, a light bulb flickers as Liam Neeson ties up his 18-year-old son and tells him that it’s either this or sell him off to the human traffickers he saved Maggie Grace from in Taken.
Page Six says that 27-year-old LiLo has taken a break tainting 19-year-old twink model Liam Dean and is now getting with Michael Neeson. Michael and LiLo partied together at a party last week and last Friday night, they were seen going into the ladies bathroom together at a club called Finale in Manhattan. Some source dribbled this out:
“Lindsay seems to have this thing for younger men at the moment. They were together at a house party of one of Lindsay’s stylist friends before Thanksgiving, and were together at Finale on Friday. Lindsay was seen leading him into the women’s bathroom, hand-in-hand. The odd thing was that Dean was with them all night, even though Lindsay had been seeing him, too.”
Liam’s rep denied it and LiLo’s rep (yes, she still has one of those) says that they’re just friends. Of course Liam’s rep denied it. The rep probably called Liam up, told him about the story and took Liam’s crying, bawling, screaming about where did he go wrong as a parent and wall punching as a denial.
When an 18-year-old dude goes into a club bathroom with Lindsay Lohan, one of three things is going down:
1. They’re going to snort lines off of a toilet seat.
2. They’re going to snort lines off of a toilet seat and then bone until the dude’s will to survive overrides the burning sensation on his dick tip.
3. They’re going to read to each other from The Poetry of Emily Dickinson while sipping from a flask full of lukewarm chamomile tea. Hey, bitch has shocked us before, she can shock us again.
It’s probably the first or second one, which is why parents really need to talk to their white teenage sons about the dangers of Lindsay Lohan. Doing one harmless line with LiLo in a club bathroom could lead to doing several lines with LiLo in a club bathroom, which could lead to always doing lines with LiLo in a club bathroom, which could lead to spending time at her house on the holidays, which could lead to White Oprah barfing on his face while giving him a drunken lap dance to “Santa Baby” on Christmas morning. That sounds terrifying enough to be the plot for Taken 3.
(Pic via Tyler Shields)