People reports that after decades upon decades of hearing about Liam Payne and Cheryl (last name pending. I don’t know if she has one right now) being over, they have announced that their 3-ish year relationship is over.Sigh, it seems like just yesterday she was rebounding onto his One Direction penis (also named One Direction). And Liam had been doing such a good job assuring the press that they were fighting through their problems. Guess it didn’t work out. Who’d of thunk it? Oh yeah, everyone. Continue reading
There have been a lot of people saying Cheryl Tweedy was smart to not get hitched to Liam Payne of One Direction since she already has 90 last names and was heading for a split with him, but he says all is fine. Tension is normal, y’all! Continue reading
Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle had a very simple job to do during Commonwealth Day church services at Westminster Abbey yesterday. All they had to do was wear their little navy outfits, smile their little royal smiles and not embarrass THE QUEEN. But they failed to do that by disrespecting a citizen of England when they laughed at Liam Payne who crooned out John Mayer’s Waiting on the World to Change during service. But then again, THE QUEEN is probably a Harry Styles stan (I’m sure she’s got a shirtless poster of him hanging in her dressing chambers) and probably thinks John Mayer is piece of trash, so she may have been rolling her eyes along with her grandson.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “Um, you dumb fuck, that’s a beret,” then I want to welcome you, first-time reader, to Dlisted, where I tell “jokes” that would even make an 8-year-old Adam Sandler fan say, “Grow up, bitch!”
Meghan Markle continued her new job of wearing hats to events today by joining Prince Hot Ginge, Prince William, Duchess Kate, THE QUEEN, Prince Charles, possible future Queen Camilla, and Liam Payne (???) at Commonwealth Day church service at Westminster Abbey. It was supposedly Meghan’s highest-profile event because THE QUEEN was there. So THE QUEEN saw Meghan in action, and I’m sure that after church, she passed Meghan a report card that read: “F minus for wearing a giant white tit on your head. The only giant white tit I want to see at these things is my son Charles.”
People says that Meghan paired her Stephen Jones beret, which is her way of paying homage to her man’s mother Princess Diana, with a $1,200 Amanda Wakeley coat and some navy dress. But really, who cares about some boring clothes when Prince Hot Ginge was there and he did this (I cropped out the children because they were ruining the picture):
And Meghan and PHG weren’t the only members of the royal family who wore navy. They all did (Meghan and Duchess Kate even wore the same navy heels. There must’ve been a 2-for-1 special). Well, all of them except for THE QUEEN. I’d like to think that THE QUEEN told everyone that on Commonwealth Day they wear navy, and then she showed up in burgundy. That’s how a QUEEN reminds the lessers that she’s QUEEN.
Real estate by nature is just a barbaric, bloodthirsty industry. Just think about the average open house: some smiling middle-aged woman named Pam in a Talbots pantsuit hungry for a commission shows you around while describing the sounds of gunshots as “the charming soundtrack of an eclectic neighborhood” and a mildewed-to-death bathroom as “rustic chic.” Real estate moves of any kind are shady, and when you throw in celebrity real estate moves, that gives every tabloid editor a fever dream of a new home addition they’ll be able to afford with the breaking scoop. Rumors of Liam Payne and Cheryl doing some house plotting of their own is the reason du jour of why they most definitely are breaking up. Continue reading
Nothing sells tabloids in England like transcripts of a wire-tapped phone conversation of the Royal Family or Cheryl Cole breakup rumors (what will her next last name be?!), but the latest round of relationship-on-the-rocks reports may be false…or at least not ready to be announced until some financial settlement is made. Cheryl was rumored to be in “crisis talks” with the father of her baby Liam Payne, and it wasn’t just a crisis of some of the fug fashion he rocks on Instagram. While the word was they were oh-so-close to breaking up, they both arrived to the red carpet of the BRIT Awards tonight in London looking like their usual Mrs. Robinson-and-boytoy selves. Continue reading