Lena Dunham used to have a rescue dog named Lamby, and for a while he was the star of her Instagram. He was always getting into some kind of panty-chewing trouble and general canine urine mischief. Then Lamby got into some real trouble a couple years ago when he bit Lena in the ass and drew blood. Lamby wasn’t on Lena’s Instagram that much after that. That was over three years ago, and Lena came clean about where Lamby went. She claims Lamby was a very abused puppy and she just couldn’t handle his special needs. Except according to the Brooklyn dog rescue where she got Lamby, she’s lying.
No, the stress of pretending she wanted to be there didn’t finally get to her.
Lena Dunham has regularly suffered from symptoms of endometriosis and last month, she admitted at an endometriosis event that she had recently undergone excision surgery and was feeling good. According to People magazine, Lena’s endometriosis symptoms messed with her during the Met Gala on Monday night, and she ended up trading in her ballgown for a hospital gown.
A source tells People that Lena experienced endometriosis complications not long after arriving to the Met Gala. The source claims she was rushed to the ER for some medical attention. She was released after a series of tests, and she’s currently resting at home. Neither Lena nor a rep has said anything about her condition.
Having to leave a party because your body decided to hate you is never fun. But as much as I’m sure Lena was happy to get away from the obnoxiousness of the Met Gala and go home, I do feel a little bad. The only reason to go to the Met Gala in the first place is to watch people in ridiculous costumes attempt to do stuff while getting progressively drunker. Shame on you, endometriosis. You robbed Lena of the opportunity to see a hammered Instagram model stand in front of a toilet and wonder how they’re going to piss in a beaded body stocking.
Just like Gwyneth Paltrow before them, Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham haven’t been too subtle when it comes to letting people know what they think of the Met Gala. Last year, Amy Schumer crapped all over the Met Gala when she claimed to have told Beyonce that 2016 would be her first and last time going. She also said it felt like punishment, and described everyone as being dressed up like “a bunch of fucking assholes.” Lena Dunham also claimed to have had a crappy time last year because Odell Beckham Jr. failed to hit on her (she later apologized for that).
On Wednesday night, Lena Dunham showed up at the launch of Tracy Anderson’s flagship studio in NYC looking a little lean-a (oh lord, show me the door for that one). She explained to People that working with Tracy is the reason for why she no longer looks as much like she did at the Girls premiere in 2014. She claims it wasn’t about changing her body. It was more about getting healthy and easing the symptoms of endometriosis.
Goopy Paltrow has been bumping her freshly steamed organiqué oystéré against Glee and American Horror Story co-creator, Brad Falchuk, since August 2014 and she’s apparently ready to make him her second husband. The inside of Brad’s body must look like a scene out of AHS right now. The thought of being legally tied to Goopy is probably making Brad’s bowels scream because they know she’ll make him do a raw goat milk cleanse every year. And Brad’s ass walls are probably shivering with fear over thinking about how Goopy is going to make him shoot mugwort steam up in there before getting an activated charcoal and cactus water enema.
Last week’s episode of Girls ended with (semi-spoiler alert?) Rihanna’s Desperado, which told me that Lena Dunham must be a big fan on Rihanna’s. As it turns out, I grossly underestimated just how much of a RiRi stan she is. Lena Dunham posted a picture on Instagram of her latest tattoo. It’s no accident that Lena’s new tattoo might be giving you a flashback to Rihanna at the Grammys. Lena admits that she totally copied Rihanna’s homework on this one. Rihanna, just a heads up: maybe don’t post any personal ads looking for a roommate any time soon.
“Thank you @trinegrimm for my warrior’s chest plate/tit chandelier. This is my first original piece by a female tattoo artist and it felt sacred and cool and she didn’t chide me for copying @badgalriri’s placement.”
Lena Dunham is now one step closer to officially being ex-communicated from Taylor Swift’s friend squad. It specifically states in the squad charter that no member shall pledge their allegiance in any way, shape, or form to a popular female singer not named Taylor Swift.
Lena’s tattoo is an homage to Rihanna in more than just where it was placed. The top part of that tattoo kind of looks like a women’s college bathroom stall Sharpie drawing of a cooch. Which, in turn, makes the whole tattoo feel like a chandelier that might hang in the foyer of a fancy French strip club called Château du Vagin. I’d say Rihanna would approve. Although I think she would have approved more if Lena had gotten a portrait of Rihanna riding one of Lena’s nipples. Oh well, next time.