Lena Dunham has written a 1,300 word apology to Aurora Perrineau which was published by The Hollywood Reporter, and approximately 1,000 of those words are about what a brave survivor she is, and you already know the “she” I am referring to is Lena. If you’re into extreme self-care and somehow missed it (blessings unto you), Lena feels bad because last year she (and her ex-partner Jenni Konner, who I hope doesnt think we forgot about her ass) publicly defended her friend and Girls writer Murray Miller against rape allegations made by Aurora who filed a police report and claimed that Murray sexually assaulted her in his home in 2012 when she was 17-years-old. For this, Lena is sorry.
You guys are so lucky. A journalist had to spend at least a month receiving very personal text messages from Lena Dunham, then had to visit her at both her California bungalow and her parents’ “stately residence” and interview her for what probably amounted to hours upon hours of solipsistic tedium. Then I had to read the resulting profile which gave me a migraine and mild indigestion. Now you get to sit there wherever you are and reap the benefits of our suffering. Think about that when you tell your friend later that you read somewhere that Lena is thinking about adopting a “hairless black puppy” that she wants to name Rosa but was worried people would be mad at her “bc of Rosa Parks bc” she has to “consider those things”. So, consider that!
As of tomorrow, the world will have one less platform on which to receive the blessed teachings of Lena Dunham. Digiday reports that Lena’s newsletter cum blogsite, Lenny Letter, will be going off into 404 Page Not Found heaven after today. But rest assured, those thirsting for more Lena than is reasonable, will always have Instagram.
I figured the first rule of Taylor Swift friendship was you don’t talk about Taylor Swift friendship, but Lena Dunham doesn’t play by rules. When she was on Andy Cohen’s shit-stirring show known as Watch What Happens Live, she was asked to play “Plead The Fifth” with fellow guest Maggie Gyllenhaal. While her answer for who was the most misogynistic in Hollywood (Daniel Tosh for body shaming her), even I let out an anxious squeak when Andy asked Lena to say who was her least-favorite Taylor ex…while she sat next to the sister of one of Taylor’s exes!
Anyone who was looking forward to rushing out on opening night to watch Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio in vintage Sears catalogue models realness in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood just realized that everything good comes at a price. And this price of admission now includes Lena Dunham. You wish on a haunted monkey’s paw for Brad Pitt to look hot again, and this is what you get.
The Hollywood Reporter has some new casting news regarding Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming Manson Family film, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Lena has been cast in an unknown role, and this will be her fist big studio appearance on film (she’s been in movies before, but mostly indies). It will also be her first onscreen role since her show Girls ended in 2017.
Also added to the cast list along side Brad, Leo, Al Pacino, Dakota Fanning, Damian Lewis, James Marsden, Luke Perry, and Margot Robbie as Sharon Tate is Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman’s daughter Maya Hawke (huh, I wonder how she landed that gig). Also former wife of Eli Roth, Lorenza Izzo, and Vanessa Hudgens’ boyfriend Austin Butler.
The movie is still a bit of a secret, so we don’t really know who is playing what, besides Brad, Leo, and Margot. But my guess is Lena might play the only Manson Family member who is specifically asked to leave for talking too damn much and having less of a filter than Charlie.
I’ll just go on ahead and tell you, Lena Dunham’s uterus was named Judy. Judy used to room in Lena’s womb. Hell, Judy WAS Lena’s womb. That is until Judy was evicted back in November for throwing all kinds of parties up in Lena’s insides and generally making a huge mess of things. It’s now been 9 months since the cop docs (that’s doctors dressed up like cops, or, cops dressed up like doctors. Picture your preference) had to drag Judy, kicking and screaming, out of the house. I’ll just go on ahead and tell you, Lena celebrated the anniversary of Judy’s demise (can you even call it an anniversary if you are counting in months?) by posing naked on Instagram. As one does. Oh, and she got a tattoo on her ribs that reads “RIP Judy”. As one does.