Lena Dunham has said 9.6 billion times that she’s proud of her body and doesn’t care what people think of it. What she does care about is when someone tries to mess with a picture of her body in post-production. Lena has slapped at magazines in the past when she thinks they’ve pulled a cut-and-paste fast one on her body. This time she’s clapping long and loud for Glamour magazine for choosing to not Photoshop out her cellulite.
Glamour’s annual Women of the Year award happened last night in Hollywood and the dress code must’ve been: MESS! Because most of them were.
Gwen Stefani (in the gallery) looked like an off-brand quinceañera Barbie and Zendaya (also in the gallery) wore some floral glove things that made it look like she just double fisted a flower fairy. And then there was Amber Heard whose dress looks like it was made out of the dusty curtains, crib skirt and pillow trim from an old-timey rich baby girl’s nursery. That dress is what Miss Havisham would wear if she was finally evicted from Satis House and had to make coins by selling ass at a brothel.
Amber hasn’t worked many red carpets ever since she settled her divorce from the angry scarf rack, so maybe she purposefully wore something busted. That way reporters wouldn’t ask her about Johnny Depp, because they’d be too busy wondering who and what the hell she’s wearing. Well played!
And here’s a zillion more pictures from last night including Lena Dunham who worked baby bangs and a constipated face.
It felt like every celebrity and their semi-famous dog had let everyone know what side they were on during this election. You had people dressing up as their favorite candidate for Halloween and gingers fighting on Twitter for candidate supremacy and Malcolm’s Dad threatening to move to Canada if Trump wins and Third Eye Blind trolling the RNC. Lots of people had feelings. One person who kept their lips sealed was Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift never said if she was “with her.” She also never endorsed Donald Trump, and I’m sure that really hurt his feelings, because she looks like what he would choose if he could replace Tiffany.
To my surprise, Lena Dunham didn’t do her hipster duty by dressing up for Halloween as Eleven from Stranger Things (the bodega closest to her house must have run out of Eggos). Instead, she went topical and unloaded this election-themed ensemble onto us. We’ve already seen Katy Perry as a Primus Hillary Clinton and Orlando Bloom as Donald Trump. Lena has been campaigning hard for Hillary Clinton, so it’s not a surprise she would trick-or-treat as something election-themed. I was surprised that Lena’s election-themed Halloween costume didn’t have a strong nudity element. But maybe that’s because she realized that Katy Perry already did Naked Voter and didn’t want to steal her thunder. So she went as a “grabbed pussy.” I can already hear the “Takes one to know one!” jokes.
Lena posted a picture on Instagram of herself dressed as a punny version of Donald Trump’s favorite fame perk. She added the caption: “Happy Halloween! With love from a Grabbed Pussy #imanasshole.” I can already picture Donald Trump’s angry 2am Twitter response to Lena’s costume. “I would never grab Lena Dunham’s pussy or her asshole. Not my first choice, ever. If I were to grab anyone from the cast of Girls, it would be the blonde with the accent. What’s her name, Janina something? Terrific ass. DM me for a Tic Tac hookup, honey.”
I didn’t need to see Lena Dunham getting felt up by disembodied hands, which are waaaaay too big to be Trump’s, while she poses in a discounted Daiso cat ensemble. On the bright side, at least she didn’t go as “Billy’s Bush.”
If you’ve been spreading BenGay’s eye-safe formula on your eyeballs to soothe them from the excessive rolling they did last week, then you most likely read Lena Dunham’s conversation with Amy Schumer for her newsletter. That conversation was filled with many bitter ass dingles, but the bitter ass dingle that got the most attention was the one that Lena spit out about this year’s Met Gala. Lena sat next to New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. at the Met Gala and when he didn’t talk to her or give her one drop of attention, she assumed that he was disgusted by her body, didn’t want to fuck her and was trying to figure out if she was “a marshmallow,” “a child” or “a dog.” Lena seemed to think that if a stranger dude doesn’t talk to her or make eye contact with her, he’s obviously a misogynistic gutter pig who doesn’t want to suffer through the pain of trying to keep the wet heaves down while looking at her gross body as they talk.
Lena later put out an apology where she said that she was projecting her own insecurities. Odell didn’t ever release a statement or put anything on his Instagram about it, but reporters asked him about it the past couple of days. The recipe for Odell’s answer had a dash of Mariah Carey’s “I don’t know her” and a cup of “Who Cares? So What?”
It can’t be easy being sushi activist Lena Dunham. Ever since someone told her that she was the voice of feminism because she created a show about four sociopaths with vaginas, she’s had everything that comes out of her mouth analyzed to death. Sure, one solution for Lena would be to stop putting every thought that comes into her overly verbose head online (I type that hoping none of my Facebook friends or Twitter followers are here to pot-kettle-black my self-involved ass). But that’s hard to do when you’re a famous writer/showbiz person. So, sometimes, you’re going to say something stupid and people are going to go in on you for it. However, you can practice effective damage control by not practicing the type of damage control marked “eye roll-inducing.” We get it, you’re sorry. I’m sure HBO will still air the final season and your male friends of color are still going to speak to you.