Attention enthusiasts know that the Emmys are a tasteful affair; you’ve got to balance out your ass with some class. Thankfully, Ariel Winter showed everyone last night how to do it. Ariel came in a dress by Steven Khalil featuring not one, but two crotch-high leg slits. Angelina, who? I’m sure her dress was very expensive, so for those of you hoping to find the look for less, I would probably suggest Craigslist the day after the next AVN awards.
Prepare to see the Beyhive don orange jumpsuits for the forseeable future. Vanity Fair is out with a report that Laverne Cox is partnering up with Beyoncé on a secret project. But the deets – like much of what Queen B does – are pretty scarce. Laverne did, however, confirm there was something coming when she was on Access Hollywood Tuesday.
We’ve all heard the news that Trump made like the Walmart smiley and rolled humanity back by banning transgender soldiers from the military. Since we’re talking Trump and transgender issues, of course it was only a matter of time before Trump’s only trans cheerleader Caitlyn Jenner piped up with her thoughts on the matter.
In case your brain tried to protect your soul by blocking out the memory of Fox’s remake of Rocky Horror Picture Show, let me remind you. Fox actually went through with taking that exquisitely perfect $2 back alley whore, Rocky Horror, and cleaning it up so it’d be presentable for families and children. Families and children always ruin everything!
Fox’s squeaky clean kindergarten theater production of Rocky Horror airs on Thursday, and last night was its premiere in L.A. While surrounded by Ben Vereen, a hot piece in a tux, Christina Milian and a bunch of other tricks, the king of the night Tim Curry held court.
When Anna Chlumsky came strolling up the red carpet of the Emmys last night in an ensemble Michael accurately described as looking very bed in a bag, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone in a set of deluxe full/queen sheets sashayed behind her. And that person was Kristen Bell. To be honest, I don’t know who hit the red carpet first, Kristen or Anna. It’s a real “Which came first, the sheets or the duvet” situation.
Regardless, Kristen is doing just as much for me as Anna’s look was. Maybe more, actually, because I’ve always loved a printed bed sheet. I don’t know if everyone did this, but when I was a kid, I used to make my bed with my sheets pattern-side-down. That way, when I made my bed and pulled back my comforter, you got a subtle hint of my elegant bed linens (ie. my Little Mermaid sheets). I felt so classy, like “I bet this is how Margo from Punky Brewster does her bed.” But while I love Kristen’s expensive floral sheet dress, I don’t know if many of us would want to sleep on it. I think I see beading, and I’m pretty sure none of us would want to roll over in the middle of the night and land cheek-first on a cluster of sharp glass beads.
Of course, the cherry on top of a formal bedding situation has got to be the useless satin runner that lives at the foot of the bed. Luckily, Sarah Hyland has got us covered.
Fox put out the newest trailer for their version of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which comes out this Halloween. They should’ve kept it. Or at least kept most of it. I’ll take the parts with Tim Curry and Rocky’s nipples.
Fox farted up a bunch of pictures of their take on Rocky Horror back in May, and it looked like they took the beloved cult classic, hosed that bitch down with ammonia, scrubbed the dumpster gravy and dried cum stains off it, plopped a fresh-out-of-the-package new wig on its head and sprayed it down with glitter-infused Febreze. Rocky Horror is an old dirty whore that didn’t need cleaning up, but that’s what Fox did. And the new trailer confirms it. They even added an audience…. It’s just a jump to the left and a step to the right to cry in the corner over what Fox did!
I get it. It’s primetime TV. Fox is in the business of making that money and they want to deliver a Rocky Horror the whole family can enjoy! I know Fox thought about the children, but did they think about us, the growns who love that beautiful piece of trash of a movie? What’s more damaging? A child seeing a broke down, messy Frank-N-Furter say, “A mental mind fuck can be nice.” Or a grown seeing a polished and clean Frank-N-Furter say, “A mental mind fudge can be nice.” Children can take the shock of hearing a shocking curse word, They’re young and their organs are new! We’re all old with raggedy organs. We can’t take the pain of seeing a sanitized Rocky Horror. THINK OF THE OLDS, FOX. THINK OF THE OLDS!