Note that I left out the word “mess,” as there’s no question that the messiest part of the red carpet was most likely the three square feet of space occupied by Ryan Seacrest.
If there was an award for red carpet fashion that makes you question a stylist’s sanity, Nicole Kidman would be that category’s Meryl Streep. Nicole arrived in an Armani Prive gown that does double duty. From the waist-up she’s very mascot of a sexy frozen fish company, and from the waist down I’m getting a reminder to please separate my plastic recyclables from my paper.
There was a lot of messy fashion at the SAG Awards last night (prepare yourself accordingly after that jump below!). But obviously any effort that was put in was immediately cancelled out the second Kate Hudson returned to the scene of last year’s fashion crime and fully outdid herself in a fluffy Valentino vision of countrified love. I say love because, duh, the hearts a’plenty, but also because I love this dress. What’s not to love? Black velvet (check), pink beauty pageant chiffon (check), a high-lace neckline with corresponding bib of ruffles (checking furiously). The only thing missing is a pink parasol. Kate probably left it in the limo for fear of being mistaken for Miley Cyrus in a knock-off production of My Fair Lady called Decent Lookin’ Gal.
Here’s who else showed up and sizzled eyeballs with style.
Angelina Jolie Decided To Fulfill Someone’s Feathered 60s Fantasy Last Night (And Other Looks From The Golden Globes)
Almost everyone who walked the Golden Globes red carpet this year wore black to protest Hollywood’s sexual misconduct problem. One thing that wasn’t being protested was good taste. There were a lot of black velvet outfits on that red carpet. Sure, it’s a bit of an obvious choice, but a choice I was absolutely here for, because anything that makes my brain start blasting “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles gets two thumbs up from me.
But some people went a little more experimental with their all-black interpretation. Like Angelina Jolie, who showed up to the Golden Globes in some goth Lawrence Welk Show realness by Atelier Versace. It’s a little Barbra Streisand at the 1969 Oscars, with a splash of 60s televangelist, all poured onto a fainting couch and garnished with, “But detective, I swear my husband was dead when I found him!”
I know what Laura Dern got for Christmas: a promise from Cupid that he’d keep hooking her up with more somewhat-random hot famous dudes. Last year, Laura Dern was seen on a couple dates with Common. UsWeekly says that 50-year-old Laura was seen kissing 38-year-old NBA free agent Baron Davis last week. Laura clearly subscribes to the Sally O’Malley school of being 50 and doing whatever the fuck you want, because she and Baron made their debut by sucking face for the paps.
Matt Damon’s promo tour for his latest film, Downsizing, has sort of snowballed into a disastrous hijacking of the #MeToo campaign. Matt has argued that there are “levels” to sexual harassment, and that men who haven’t sexually assaulted anyone deserve an enthusiastic pat on the back. Matt was supposed to attend the Downsizing premiere in Los Angeles on Monday night, but he didn’t go. I guess downsizing Matt Damon’s public appearances is one way to ensure more dumb thoughts about sexual harassment don’t come out of his mouth and into the microphone of a reporter.
Grab your penchant for white wine and cover-ups for MURDER because the ladies of Monterey are coming back. HBO officially picked up Big Little Lies for another season.
This should come as a shock to no one since every member of the cast, including Miss “I’d Rather Be Reading” Shailene Woodley, was on board to return. Rumors had been percolating for a while that the network was ready to greenlight a second season since they have to figure out how to stay ahead in the Emmy game once Game Of Thrones goes off the air. And since Reese Witherspoon would love nothing more than to have an Emmy of her own to pose with in her Crate and Barrel ads.