“The fuck kind of GD camp is this?! Fuck this, I’m going to go get my camp fix by watching Showgirls or seeing if my old lady neighbor is again watering the plastic flowers she planted in her front yard while telling her barking dog to shut up,” is what I’ve been screaming for the past 87 hours while watching the Met Gala arrivals.
This year’s Meth Gala theme is “camp,” and as Ben told us earlier, many of the celebrities were nervous they weren’t going to bring it, and they had every right to be nervous, because most didn’t. They wouldn’t know camp if it ate their ass and bought them a steak dinner. The night opened with one of the gala’s chairs, Lady Gaga, giving a long ass performance art piece that was pretty much just her busting out facial expressions like Carol Channing having a surprising orgasm on a loop as she stripped off one boring ensemble after the other. I watched this on E!, and honestly watching those kiss ass hosts declare Gaga the Queen of Camp was more campy than Gaga’s looks.
Us Weekly is reporting that this Lady Gaga/Jeremy Renner thing is turning into a thing. A very random thing. Okay then… any more strange couples want to slither out of the cracks? Paris Hilton and someone with intelligence? Khloé Kardashian and not a black guy? Who knows.
If someone ever saw me looking a little thick and asked if I was pregnant I would either, A- tell the truth and say, nah, it was just because of all eight Chick-fil-A combo meals I ate at lunch, or, B- give them a five-finger, open-palmed slap. Alas, Lady Gaga is now Academy Award winner Lady Gaga, so the emphasis is more on Lady than Gaga. There was a pregnancy rumor humming around Little Monster-ville, and Gaga had to step in and say, “Naw, just eatin’ good…kidding, it’s my next album.”
When I heard that Halle Berry might have gotten a “massive” (as Page Six called it) tattoo on her back, I said to myself Lord, Jesus someone please go perform a welfare check on her to make sure she’s not going the way of The Affleck. Like Ben, Halle’s had some ups and downs and does not have the greatest record when it comes to impulse control. But when I saw the picture Halle posted on Instagram of her new back art, I breathed a sigh of relief. It’s not so bad.
Nothing spooks the world like the Beyhive on Twitter, but their T.J. Maxx version, Lady Gaga’s Monsters, also really know how to wear a bitch down – just ask Ed Sheeran. Lady Gaga’s ex-fiancée – no, not THAT one…the other one – Taylor Kinney was on Instagram the other night, and when a fan said he got out just in time before Gaga became #Hollyweird, Tay liked the comment. Since Monsters are rational, they let him go along in peace. Oh, never mind. They lost their shit, so Taylor is now out with a mea culpa.
“A Star Is Born” Is Heading Back To Theaters And Lady Gaga Insists She’s Not Really In Love With Bradley Cooper
I saw on the news this morning that Bradley Cooper popped his furry rodent face out of the ground, saw his shadow, grumbled incoherently and dove back down. Which I guess means we can expect at least another 6 weeks of having A Star Is Born shoved down our throats. ASIB is getting a theatrical re-release, and this time it’s going to be even longer.
According to Huffington Post, 12 minutes of new footage has been added, probably at the end where *SPOILER ALERT* Sam Elliott’s mustache jumps off his face and runs to the garage to replace the rope Jackson has tied around his neck. Sam’s ‘stache gently unfurls, leaving Jackson disoriented but alive, so they can make a sequel. I’m already organizing a 2020 Oscar campaign: Mustache for Best Supporting Actor.