Category: Lady GaGa

In The Words Of Michelle Visage: “Is This Your Best Drag?”

May 3, 2016 / Posted by:

When I heard that the theme for the 2016 Met Gala was technology in fashion, I naturally assumed an artsy ~fashion~ type like Lady Gaga would go all-out. I was expecting she’d show up looking like C-3PO’s art school sister in a full-body rhinestone-encrusted gold-plated mech suit that was so heavy and would make walking so impossible, it would take her almost an hour to walk up the red carpet. But then she showed up in…this? Did she forget the Met Gala was that night? I’m not saying it’s bad, but it’s basically one of Britney’s Piece of Me bras, a bedazzled waist trainer, a pair of pewter panties, fishnets, a bootleg pair of Naomi’s fall-down heels, and your nana’s favorite sparkly casino jacket. It’s all very “Uh…sorry, what was the assignment?

And that’s to say nothing of what’s happening on her facial area, which I think can best be described as “Paloma Faith YouTube makeup tutorial.” Gaga also did this at the Met Gala:

Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala: Manus x Machina: Fashion in the Age of Technology

Kate Hudson doesn’t seem to mind. In all likelihood, she was probably just asking Gaga to help her warm it up for her a little in case she decided to take a bare-assed butt selfie in the bathroom for her part-time boo Nick Jonas. Nobody wants a butt full of goosebumps, after all.

Here’s more of Gaga looking like a yard sale Spectra doll and Kate Hudson wearing what appears to be a dress from the David’s Bridal x Edward Scissorhands capsule collection. Also included is Kate Hudson “trying” not to flash her coochie while arriving at an afterparty. Someone get Kate a glass of water, she’s clearly very thirsty!

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

A Star Is Born Maybe Update: Lady Gaga And Bradley Cooper Had Dinner

April 30, 2016 / Posted by:

I spoke of cruelty earlier, the cruel possibility of people sullying Prince’s holy name by messing with and releasing music that was locked away. Just like the fear of pain at the sight of a doctor’s needle, it is the anticipation, the threat, that is the worst part. And now we’ve been threatened again. Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga were seen having dinner together last night in L.A.. Which can only mean one, horrific thing… not that I’m speculating or being unfounded…

The last time we checked in with Bradley Cooper’s sure to be definitely good and not a disaster remake of A Star Is Born, all of our silver screen dreams were shattered because Warner Bros. told Beyonce to go call Becky with good hair when they saw how much money she wanted to star in this mess. Knowing that, the only logical conclusion we can come to about why BCoop and Gaga dined together is because he’s now wooing her to be his leading lady. Right? What else could it be. Nothing.

A Star Is Born starring Beyonce and directed by BCoop would have probably been the most incredible thing to ever get nominated for a Razzie, but I’ll take Lady Gaga in it. It’s going to take it from Obsessed 2: Ali’s Revenge to an art school production of Auntie Mame starring a cruise ship drag queen. And here’s Mr Director and his maybe Actress arriving to dinner on a motorcycle:

Pics: Splash

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Like Lady Gaga Would Really Get Married On The Shush

March 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Lady Gaga’s birthday is today and she celebrated the anniversary of her 30th year alive this past weekend by throwing herself a big party in L.A. that brought out bright shining A-list stars like Lisa Vanderpump, Asslee Simpson, Evan Ross and Lisa Rinna and low-rent has-beens like Taylor Swift and Kate Hudson. While working a painted-up face that screamed Clown School Carol Channing, CaCa strolled into her birthday party with her man Taylor Kinney, and everybody should’ve been screaming for the police since she obviously stole a dress out of the closet of Bette Midler’s Big Business character. But people weren’t doing that, because they were too busy staring at what looked like a wedding band on her finger.

When that hot piece of panty cream-inducing hotness Taylor Kinney and CaCa got engaged two Februaries ago, he gave her a heart-shaped diamond engagement ring. On Saturday night, she switched out that Mariah Carey kidney stone-looking ass ring for a plain gold band. So some think that Taylor Kinney is now officially Lord CaCa, because they got secret married.

I don’t know…..

If Lady CaCa gets married in a ceremony that isn’t televised to this planet and others, and doesn’t feature a wedding dress made out of live white doves, vows done entirely in a language created just for them, a 15-hour-long performance art piece by Marina Abramović and a first dance where little people dressed up as cherubs barf glitter-infused metallic paint on them, did Lady CaCa really get married at all? I think not!

Pics: Splash

So, I Guess Lorde Didn’t Get Kicked Out Of Taylor Swift’s Squad For Hanging Out With Diplo

February 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Last week, it seemed like there was trouble in the squad (Side note: Hello, my name is Michael. I’m a grown up and I just wrote “trouble in the squad.“) when Lorde was seen with Taylor Swift enemy Diplo. Diplo once said that someone should start a Kickstarter to buy Taylor Swift an ass. I figured that Girl Squad Captain Taylor would immediately tell Lorde to shred her Hello Kitty membership card and then ask for the copy of the key to the treasure box where they keep the friendship bracelet supplies. But I don’t think that happened, because here’s Taylor Swift (giving you Dollar Tree Elvira Hancock) and Lorde (giving you constipated and stoned Emily the Strange in an Ice Capades show directed by Tim Burton) at Vanity Fair’s Oscar party last night.

But maybe something is up. Lorde does look like she was sedated and is only posing with Taylor because Taylor threatened to expose secrets that could ruin her career. You know, secrets like she really hates the color black, she loves the color pink, Nicholas Sparks is her favorite author, she really feels whole when she smiles and nothing brightens up her day like sunshine. But then again, Lorde always looks like a goth ghost who took too much Ambien, so everything’s probably fine. However, nothing is fine with the blood explosion messiness that Gwen Stefani wore.

While Blake Shelton looked like the most dressed up dude at a hillbilly wedding, Gwen Stefani looked like she was about to star in Carrie On Ice!

gwenvanityfair2016

It looks like her belly button is barfing blood. She looks like a slutty blood clot. We get it, Gwen. You’re hot. You still got it, bitch. I’m all for a trick trying to get attention by showing her granny panties in a sheer dress, but Gwen could’ve done it without wearing an ensemble that makes me want to throw tampons, Band-Aids and cotton balls at her.

And here’s more pictures from last night’s VF party including some of Justin Timberlake being annoying and Anne Hathaway wearing Mrs. Roper’s favorite disco freakum muumuu.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Every One Of The Abuse Survivors From Lady Gaga’s Performance Got A Hug From Brie Larson

February 29, 2016 / Posted by:

During Lady Gaga’s GIMME THAT OSCAR!! performance of “Til It Happens To You“, a song about college campus abuse that she may or may not have written with Diane Warren, a large group of sexual assault survivors joined her on stage. It was a pretty powerful moment. Even those annoying-ass minions were like “This moment is making me feel things.

One person who was definitely feeling it was Best Actress winner Brie Larson, who felt it so hard she gave them all hugs as they exited the stage.

It sort of made sense that she would be the one to start a receiving line of hugs; Brie was nominated for portraying a sexual abuse survivor in Room. Or maybe Brie is just that kind of nice? It wouldn’t surprise me; anyone named after such a delicious cheese can’t be that bad.

Here’s more of Brie and Gaga from last night. Gaga, you tried it, but nobody does formal peek-a-boo pants better than Demi Moore.

Pics: Wenn.com

Lorde >>> Lady Gaga, So Thinks David Bowie’s Son

February 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Don’t let that screen shot fool you. That’s not a still from Kylie Jenner’s performance art video about being trapped in Pimp Mama Kris’ Satanic womb. It’s just Lorde performing in a sea of darkroom safe lights at the BRIT Awards last night. It also kind of looks like she’s a prisoner in a Pizza Hut red cup. But I digress…

After Lady CaCa splattered up her weird “Intel commercial on acid” meets “something you’d see at a Burning Man talent show” David Bowie tribute at the Grammys, his son, Duncan Jones, tweeted his review of her homage to herself. Duncan Jones tweeted the exact Google definition of “gaga.” Dude pretty much hated it:

Surprisingly, Duncan Jones’ eyeballs didn’t melt into his sockets while reading the tweets from crazed Little Monsters who wished ass AIDS on his dog. Duncan Jones is still able to see, because he watched the BRIT Awards tribute to his father done by David Bowie’s former touring band and the Hot Topic chanteuse we call Lorde. At last night’s BRITs, Annie Lennox and Panty Creamer Gary Oldman told a funny story about David Bowie before introducing Bowie’s former touring band and the Tim Burton Kewpie doll who yodeled out “Life On Mars” while dressed like a theater usher.

Duncan Jones tweeted this after that performance:

I co-sign that, but with that being said, we’re going to forget about Gaga’s and Lorde’s tributes on Sunday night. At the Oscars, Tilda Swinton is going to sashay onto the stage and reveal herself as a David Bowie clone by ripping off her face mask. Then she’s going to beam herself up to their home planet of Mars to join her overlord, the Goblin King. That’s probably going to happen.

And here’s Lorde “canoodling” with Taylor Swift hater Diplo while going to Justin Bieber’s BRIT Awards after-party.

Pics: Wenn.com

And Now Please Welcome To The Stage…. Reno’s Third Most Popular David Bowie Tribute Act!

February 15, 2016 / Posted by:

Lady Gaga’s Intel commercial/Tribute to Lady Gaga/David Bowie impersonation act at the Grammys tonight started out good for me and I’m not even stoned. I was into Intel showing us brand new technology by projecting an emo kid’s screensaver from the early aughts onto her face and then it went off the rails and turned into a glitter-covered jumbled manic mess.

I didn’t think that Lady CaCa’s tribute to David Bowie would be so damn literal. She went all drag king by trying to impersonate him. But Gaga’s Bowie looked more like a ginger Liberace impersonator doing Elvis on acid or Angie Bowie as Jim Carrey as The Riddler. If the Grammys wanted someone to do an impeccable David Bowie impersonation, they should’ve gotten Jessica Lange to do the A+++ she one did in American Horror Story: Freak Show.

They shoved way too may songs in there that it was like a spastic CliffNotes version of David Bowie’s greatest hits. If you gave Liza Minnelli a whole bunch of meth and played a bunch of sped-up David Bowie songs and asked her to dance to them, she would look like Gaga at the Grammys tonight.

You know, it was such a chaotic mess that David Bowie may have loved every messy second of it. His son however….

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash, Getty

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Lady Gaga Got A Pre-Grammys Tattoo Of David Bowie

February 14, 2016 / Posted by:

Fashion Cuisinart Lady Gaga got the dearly departed David Bowie’s face etched on her torso in advance of tomorrow night’s Grammys tribute. Stefani opted for the Aladdin Sane-version Bowie. You can watch her receive her ink in the vid below. I’ve never gotten a tattoo. But it can’t be a pleasant angel kiss. She seems really sedate. Stefani is way tougher than me. Repeatedly stab me in the ribs with a needle and I’m leaving.

Although whatever the hell she took before this event might still be assisting her with pain management.

Gaga announced her latest body art on Snapchat (via People), noting that “this was the image that changed my life,” and rightly proclaiming “Hail Mary full of grace Saint Bowie.” It’s hard for me to bag on her because Bowie is still dead and it’s just not right.

For an up-close look at Bowie’s face on Gaga’s bod, click below.

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On The Next Episode Of American Horror Story: Meth Lab…..

February 11, 2016 / Posted by:

Saint Laurent’s show at The Hollywood Palladium in L.A. was last night and I guess the invitation read: Come dressed as a strung-out performer in Florida’s Meth Circus. I’m also guessing that Justin Bieber and Lady CaCa were the only ones who followed that dress code because DAMN. Gaga looks like a drunk, clingy auntie who is trying to relive her glory days by wearing one of her favorite outfits from the 80s and Justin Bieber looks like her messy teen nephew who is impatiently waiting for her to pass out into a drunken coma so he can go into her purse and steal enough money to buy a baggy of the bad shit.

If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if Nancy Spungen played Susan in Desperately Seeking Susan, wonder no more. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Hmmm, I wonder what it would look like if Harpo Marx played Riff Raff, Columbia AND Magenta in a community theater production of Rocky Horror Picture Show?“, you don’t have to ask yourself that question anymore. Lady Gaga answered both of those questions at the Saint Laurent show last night when she showed up in a sequined blazer that screamed, “affordable Michael Jackson impersonator,” makeup that screamed, “cracked out Casper the Friendly Ghost,” and a wig that looked like a pile of uncooked curly fries.

Gaga, Justin Bieber and his struggle stache managed to achieve the impossible, though. They managed to be the messiest messes at an event that Courtney Love was at. Because when Courtney Love showed up looking clean and hot, I doubt the door person said to her, “Um, no loitering! No loitering,” like they did with the Biebs and Gaga.

courtneylovesaintlaurent

So Gaga and Justin Bieber should give themselves a slow clap for that.

And here’s a million more pictures from last night’s show including some of the hotness personified that is the Kravitz family and American-Canadian fresh drew drop Pamela Anderson with her son Brandon Lee who used an entire jar of hair grease to give you “Young Elvis.”

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

And Here’s Lady Gaga Singing The National Anthem While Looking Like A Disco Predator

February 7, 2016 / Posted by:

Every Super Bowl is pretty damn gay, but Super Bowl 50 is super, super gay. Like always, we’ve got muscle queens in satin leggings playing with balls and pounding each other’s asses hard, and this year we’ve also got Lady Gaga opening this shit up and Beyonce doing the halftime show. They should’ve went all the way by bringing Richard Simmons out of retirement to be one of the team’s head cheerleader.

Anyway, Lady CaCa yodeled out “The National Anthem” at the beginning of the Super Smoke A Bowl today and nearly half of the hos on my Twitter timeline were screaming, “Bitch can sing her face off!” Well, I do think she sang her face off in rehearsals, because she was wearing a totally different one during the actual performance. I didn’t mind, though, because she looked like a mash-up of  Effie Trinket as a 70s pimp and a Thundercat going to a Fourth of July party at Studio 54.

And as for her performance, she laid it on thick and brought all the extras. Kanye West’s ass was probably stuck to the screen the whole time because Lady Gaga kept waving her finger around.

I was aaaaaaaaalmost with CaCa until that chest bump. Celine Dion’s husband and brother just died and Gaga does her wrong by stealing her trademark move on a Sunday? Jail Gaga for that!

Pic: Getty

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