The difference between goddesses and us peasants is that when peasants like myself wake up with a giant purple ruffled wart on our shoulder, we go down to the free clinic with a list of our past fuck partners while trying to remember which one of them rubbed their dirty dick on our shoulder. But when goddesses wake up with a giant purple ruffed wart on their shoulder, they work it to the core at an event and bring the people to their knees.
Iman put the glamour in Glamour’s Women of the Year Awards in NYC last night when she slid along the red carpet in a Christian Siriano gown that made her look like that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur if that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur got a fairy godmother to turn them into a human goddess. Iman also looks like the most gorgeous venus fly trap that ever sprouted from the earth, and if they ever do that Little Shop of Horrors remake, she can play Audrey II. But instead of eating humans, she causes them to pass out from the power of her pose skills.
Here’s more from last night’s Women of the Year Awards. Nobody can touch Iman and her ruffled fortune cookie, but I am into Nicole Kidman’s tits beneath my wings dress.
As if Madonna needed to physically show us how thirsty she is. We know, girl!
Every year, Madonna descends upon the Met Gala with more excitement than a clown who just snorted a line of crushed espresso beans. Last night was no different. Madonna showed up in Duck Dy-Nasty camo couture, swigging something from a canteen. Who cares what the theme was; Madonna wanted to do drunk Bass Pro Shops beauty pageant queen, and so that’s what Madonna is gonna do.
Of course, Madonna did disappoint a teeny tiny bit. I’m of course talking about the fact that her ass – arguably the Met Gala’s most frequent guest – was nowhere to be seen last night. Given the theme of her ensemble, she could have taken it further by letting her ass cheeks flop around behind her like two plucked mallards. Madonna’s look was done by Jeremy Scott for Moschino, so I blame him for that.
Carmelo and La La Anthony’s marriage recently bit the dust for several reasons including him allegedly getting one of his side pieces pregnant. Even though Carmelo is “taking care” of his pregnant side piece, who reportedly works in education and is not a stripper, TMZ says that he really doesn’t want to get divorced from La La. Carmelo is apparently doing everything he can to make sure that doesn’t happen. Carmelo is really trying to win La La back by going above and beyond. Brace your hearts for the following huge romantic gestures: He’s sending her texts and liking her social media posts.
Sources tell TMZ that Carmelo has been apologizing to La La and begging her to go on a date or a vacation via text, and also liking her Instagram posts. Carmelo never used to acknowledge anything she posted to social media, so sources say there’s a chance this could work and he legitimately wants to be with her. They’re currently on ok terms right now for the sake of their 10-year-old son Kiyan.
If Carmelo wants to win La La back, I think he’s going about it in the right way. La La is a friend of the Kardashians, which means she no doubt gets the vapors from Instagram attention. If Carmelo really wanted to prove he was serious about his La La loyalty, he would make the move from liking to commenting. I mean, there’s no way La La could resist once she saw Carmelo write the words “COME ON VACATION WITH ME, QUEEN!”
On Tuesday we learned that Carmelo and La La Anthony’s marriage of seven years was pretty much over for many reasons including La La discovering that Carmelo had allegedly knocked up a stripper. Neither have filed for divorce. TMZ seems to think that if and when it does happen, there’s a lot of money that they could be fighting over.
Sources say that Carmelo and La La signed a prenup when they got married seven years ago, and the person it benefits most is Carmelo. He has a $124 million contract with the Knicks and has earned more than $200 million during his career as a professional basketball player. He also has contracts with Nike Jordan and Foot Locker. La La, on the other hand, came into the marriage as an MTV VJ.
So here’s where it could get messy. TMZ brings up the fact that many prenups have cheating clauses. It’s not known if Carmelo and La La had one in theirs, but if they did, she could use his alleged baby with his side piece as a bargaining tool. They also have a 10-year-old son named Kiyan, which could also factor into a divorce battle.
TMZ thinks that if La La were to challenge their prenup (like bringing up his cheating), Carmelo might just cut her a huge settlement check. I know he’s got major money, but a cheater’s bank account is no match for an ex-wife scorned. I hope Carmelo has a good relationship with Foot Locker; he might need to get a part-time job there after this divorce is done.
Pimp Mama Kris added Carmelo Anthony’s name to the long, long list of possible suitors for her hos after it was reported that he and his wife of almost 7 years La La Anthony (who is also Kim Kartrashian’s friend) decided that they didn’t want to be together anymore. Carmelo, who currently plays with the New York Knicks, and one-time MTV VJ La La (born name: Alani Nicole Vázquez) are living in separate places, but trying to keep things nice and drama-free for the sake of their 10-year-old son Kiyan. TMZ’s sources said their marriage has been floating in the toilet for a while, and apparently one of the things that helped La La decide to finally hit the flusher was finding out that Carmelo knocked up his stripper side piece. The good news for all of us is that we gained 10 extra minutes in our day because that’s how long the earth stood still from the shock of a professional athlete cheating on his wife.