Category: Kylie Minogue

Well, At Least Someone Came To Play

February 23, 2015 / Posted by:

As I said earlier, the Oscars were a boring dress parade and I’ve seen more exciting dresses at my mom’s office holiday party. Well, it looks like all the real glamour and demure sophistication was the Vanity Fair viewing and after-party. Not only was Joan Collins there with a wig hovering above her head like a glorious halo, but Crispo Ronaldo’s ex-piece Irina Shayk and the walking community theater production of RiRi’s life titled Rita Ora all wore hot outfits that let everyone know that they traded in their panties for a stick-on pussy patch.

Irina Shayk’s pantyhose dress thing is like the more modest and athletic cousin of that exquisitely classic, coochie-flashing gown that Jaimie Alexander wore in 2013. My only question besides “How many people were treated for elegance inhalation from being exposed to Irina?” is, “How did she piss?” Was there a discreet zipper involved? A snap-off thing? Or did the crotch area have a small hole where she could just stick in a Go Girl and handle it? Even if she couldn’t piss in that bodysuit gown thing and had to hold it all night, it’s worth it. Getting a bladder infection is worth bringing loads of ravishing glamour to the masses.

I bet across town at Denny’s Oscar viewing party, style icon Edy Williams raised a mug full of pink wine and soda water in the air and toasted to Irina Shayk and Rita Whora. Irina just needed more exposed nipple and a random dog, and her Edy Williams tribute would’ve been perfect.

And here’s at least 10 billion pictures from Vanity Fair’s party including pictures of Joan Collins and Monica Lewinsky (????).

Pics: Wenn.com

The Thirst In Her Eyes: The Kendall Jenner Edition

December 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Kendall Jenner usually has a dead look in her eyes that tells us that her soul was sucked out of her being, put in an envelope and sent to Lucifer in Hell as part of the pact her family has with him. But at last night’s British Fashion Awards in London, Kendull’s usually dead eyes lit up when she saw the Gymboree Mick Jagger, Harry Styles, at the top of the stairs. While looking like a hobo Beetlejuice, Harry got locked in an intense conversation with Cara DellaReese (Their “intense conversation” went like this: He asked her, “You got any of the bad shit?” To which she said, “I ain’t got the bloat for nothing, bitch!“) as Kendull threw him a parched look that said, “Please pay attention to me, please pay attention to me, please take a picture with me or my Satanic pimp of a mother will punish me for not meeting this month’s fame whore quota!” Harry treated Kendull the same way Kim Kartrashian treats North West when a camera isn’t around. He ignored her. Kendull is me at every party.

You probably can’t even see that picture, because it’s hard to see anything when your eyelashes are on fire. Blame the scorching flames shooting off of the dude in the background’s piping hot eyebrow situation:

thishotbitchwithbrowsgetit

That butch George Michael is obviously Cara DeliVeal’s personal brow tamer. But then again that “What have I done to deserve this kind of punishment?” look he’s making tells me that he could also be Kendull’s bodyguard.

Anyway, according to E!, Harry didn’t ignore Kendall the entire night. Even though the children on Twitter want Emma Watson and Harry Styles to be a thing, he flirted with Kendall, so says E!’s source (Hi, PMK!).

Meanwhile, the source adds that Styles caught up with his former flings, and “flirted with Kendall a bunch.” He also got up on the dance floor as well and “was the ladies man all night.”

Oh, PMK, I mean, “source,” stop being bi-phobic. Harry himself has said that he’s not only a ladies man. He’s a ladies man, a gentleman’s man, a whatever man.

And here’s more pictures of Harry Styles looking like a group of strung out guinea pigs got the meth sweats in a bad way before dying on top of his head. I also threw in pictures of others last night including RiRi, Emma Watson, Lana Del Rey, Courtney Love, Posh Beckham and Naomi Campbell. Yes, Lana, Courtney and Cara were at the same event in London last night. If you’re in London and bought coke sometime between late last night and today, you got ripped off. You bought crushed Rolaids. All of the coke in London was snorted up last night.

Pics: Getty, Splash, Wenn.com

Boy George Served Up The Rough Trade Look At The BRIT Awards

February 19, 2014 / Posted by:

At the BRIT Awards at the O2 in London tonight, Boy George showed up with a busted face and I was going to say that he looks like he peeped at Chris Brown’s phone, but then I remembered that The Difficult Brown doesn’t punch guys. I figured that before the BRITs, Boy George’s daytime date with his Eastern European piece went a little too far and one thing led to another, which led to him getting repeatedly slapped in the face with a 12″ burrito-thick dildo and he decided to make a look out of it. It happens. Or maybe Boy George decided to get all political by making a statement about gays getting beat in Russia. But no, Boy George apparently told British Vogue that he took red lipstick to his eye to look like the “fashion victim” he is. The literary emporium of class and decorum The Daily Mail called Boy George’s busted-up make-up job “tasteless,” and that’s like the time I met my friend at a bar after a hook-up and he called me a nasty, low-class slut before finishing his Grindr chat with a dude whose username was FeedMe69.

And here’s a few more tricks and hos from the BRITs tonight. I wish I could offer you up A-list British royalty like Harvey Price, Jodie Marsh, Pete Doherty and Pete Burns, but unfortunately I can’t. I can only give you Jessie J looking like a bootleg She-Ra character and Lily Allen looking like Goth Rainbow Brite.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Kylie Minogue Debuts The Latest Version Of The Slut Dress!

May 25, 2012 / Posted by:

Gay bug zapper Kylie Min…wait. I was going to make a joke about how Kylie Minogue draws the homos in with her vivacious pop tracks and tiny beauty like a backyard bug zapper but then I realized that “gay bug zapper” sounds like she cures AIDS. Also, she doesn’t kill gays after she draws them in. That we know of. Bad analogy.

Kylie Minogue’s got a new track, a new pair of coochie cutters, and A NEW VERSION OF THE SLUT DRESS! Her stylist got out the exacto and sliced up a spandex tube dress from 1989, transforming it into an easy-access garment full of regality! Anja Rubik and Isabella Recke are all over this shit for their next red carpet affair.

This video for “Timebomb” is full of charisma, uniqueness (not really), nerve and talent (questionable)! Follow Kylie as she knocks over people’s shit and refuses to Rupaulogize for it; steals bitches’ camera phones and just throws them away; and visits several sex clubs (booty tooting against a wall and offering the cameraman anal in one). She gets so much done in a day.

I also noted Ms. Minogue knows her hanky code. Let’s see – red in the back right pocket. Total Muppet. Loves it up to the elbow. Video below:

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Facebook Hates Teddy Bear Porn

August 20, 2010 / Posted by:

Facebook banned this picture of Kylie Minogue giving a micjob while holding a giant teddy bear, because they explained that they “do not allow photos that contain nudity, drug use or violence.”

Where’s the violence? This is pure love. Where’s the drug use? That teddy bear is drunk not stoned, thankyouvermuch. What nudity? As far as I know teddy bears don’t have dicks that look like microphones. Facebook needs to get their brains out of the sucio pot, because it’s not like Kylie has her finger up that teddy bear’s stuffing hole. Wait, where’s her other hand?

via Tabloid Prodigy

Why So Glum?

May 26, 2010 / Posted by:

While sashaying through the red carpet at tonight’s National Movie Awards in London, Tommy Girl was suddenly hit with the little boy sads because he wanted to be the one wearing the stilettos instead of Stepford Katie. And it didn’t stroke his mood in a good way that his face was even closer to her areolas. AND the stripes kept directing his eyes towards her Scientolocooch. It so was not Tommy’s night. But maybe he perked up later in the men’s room when he didn’t have to stand on his tippity tippy toes to get a peek at DanRad’s peen when they were pissing next to each other.

Anyways, here’s more of Tommy and Katie along with Fishsticks Paltrow (who is getting shown up by her fan), Orlando Bloom, the Harry Potter kids, and Kylie Minogue.

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