Pimp Mama Kris finds a way to monetize everything, even her search for a new assistant. She’s doing press for her partnership with Bumble Bizz, which is a “networking” offshoot of the dating app, but I just think it’s another way to find someone to bone.
Kris talked to HuffPo about finding a new minion, and somehow in the puff piece about that, we found out something we already knew: Satan’s proudest creation isn’t afraid to drag your broke soul to court if you do something she doesn’t like. Continue reading
The Met Gala isn’t a human and isn’t even alive, and yet, that bitch is still getting more action than me.
The theme for the Met’s costume exhibit is Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and Catholic Imagination, but the dress code for the Gala was “Sunday best.” Now, my Sunday best is a faded black Dollywood t-shirt and some Fruit of the Loom sweat shorts covered with chicharron crumbs, wine splatters and lube drops from snacking, boozing and watching porn on my couch. But I guess “Sunday best” to famous rich hos is a crown that weighs more than their head and all of the fabric found in the “Perfect For Granny’s Living Room Curtains” section at Hobby Lobby.
Kourtney Kardashian is sometimes known as the Kardashian-Jenner sister who doesn’t do gluten/sugar/dairy/chemicals and the original partner of a messy baby daddy (that honor goes to Kim now). But she’s also sometimes billed as the one who went to college, aka the “smart” one.
Well, Kourtney tried to prove she’s more than at least semi-awake yesterday when she went to Capitol Hill in DC to speak about safe ingredients in skincare and cosmetics. Bad news for her, there was a snag when the topic of Kylie Cosmetics came up.
We have the Kardashian-Jenners to blame for the death of many things: natural looking makeup and bodies, the excuse that one needs talent to be successful in the entertainment industry But the latest casualty could be Snapchat, and if the game were Clue, the suspect cards pulled would be Kylie Jenner with her phone on Twitter.
Kris Jenner’s DNA must have some kind of co-dependent XX chromosome ladder chain that bonds all her daughters to each other. Because they all seem like they can’t take a shit without inviting the rest of their family into the bathroomfor a group selfie. The Jenner DNA, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have such a strong bond. When it came time to let everyone know that little Kylie Jenner was pregnant, not all of her biological siblings were notified, like her half-brother Brody Jenner.
TMZ ran into Brody at LAX yesterday and asked him if he’s met his eight-day-old new niece, Stormi Webster. Brody has not, and admitted that he didn’t know Kylie was pregnant and said he hasn’t spoken to her in “a couple” of years or “a year and a half.” Because Brody thinks Kylie has just been “busy.” Is that the official excuse provided by the Kardashian-Jenners when they officially decide to ice someone out for insubordination? Caitlyn, chime in here if you can.
Brody and the Kardashian-Jenners haven’t exactly been close in recent years. So it probably shouldn’t be that much of a shock that Kylie kept her older half-brother out of the loop. Still, Brody says he would like to meet his niece Stormi. That’s nice. But he probably shouldn’t just drop in unannounced. Kylie is going to want to alert Kris, who will in turn make sure that there’s at least a couple KUWTK cameras around to catch it. Like when Brody introduces himself to Stormi, then to Kylie before realizing he didn’t recognize her with her latest face. Completely unscripted awkwardness is reality TV paydirt.
Because we as humans always focus on things that are highly importantly in this world, many have been spending their time on trying to figure out what Kylie Jenner named her new daughter. Kylie and her man Travis Scott (government name: Jacques Webster) are really into butterflies (he’s got a song called Butterfly Effect and they’ve got matching butterfly tattoos), so some figured that they’d give their child a butterfly name. Like Butterfly or Monarch or Mariposa (Spanish for butterfly). But instead of going that route, Kylie and Travis gave their daughter the name of a stripper who’s got a butterfly tattoo on her lower back.