E! has been showing a zillion previews and milking every last drop from future episodes of Keeping Up the Kartrashians where Kim Kartrashian tells the tale of getting robbed at gunpoint in Paris as The Slow One sits there blank-faced dreaming about salad and Khlozilla also sits there blank-faced dreaming about the wild boar she’s going to catch in the woods later that night. Well, it’s Kendall Jenner’s turn to sit in front of the cameras and tell the tale of getting robbed, because someone reportedly snatched $200,000 in jewels from her house last night. Only this is probably not a Bling Ring 2.0 type of thing and it doesn’t look like thieves broke into her house like they did to Alanis Morrissette. It looks like someone who was partying at Kendall’s house last night did it. DUN DUN DUN (not really).
Back in 2015, when Kylie Jenner was first beginning to step out of the giant shadow cast by her sister’s ass, she filed an application to trademark the name “Kylie.” The problem for Kylie Jenner was that there was already a famous Kylie: Kylie Minogue. About a year ago, The original (and best) Kylie got her lawyers involved and asked them to put a stop to The Lesser Kylie’s attempt at cornering the market on the name Kylie. According to Kylie Minogue, Kylie Jenner – or as Kylie Minogue called her, a “secondary reality television personality” – doesn’t get to call dibs on “Kylie” because she already has a trademark on the name.
The US Patent and Trademark Office agrees. The Daily Mail says that last week, the PTO sided with Kylie Minogue and rejected Kylie Jenner’s application. Kylie Minogue is the official Kylie. Kylie’s trademark fight isn’t over yet. The Daily Mail says that Kylie Jenner has already filed an appeal on the decision.
The Kardashians and the Jenners have been programmed by Kris Jenner to want to monetize every possible aspect of their lives. And one of the ways they like to ensure that every last dollar gets tucked into their wallets is to trademark their names. It’s practically a rite of passage for them. So of course Kylie would appeal. And she’ll keep fighting until she gets her trademark. The last thing Kylie Jenner wants is to receive a letter from her mother warning her that she’s at risk of being ex-kommunicated from the family for failing to uphold their fame whore values. I’m sorry Kylie Minogue, this rash just isn’t going to go away.
Variety interviewed a bunch of Hollywood and media types about Donald Trump’s win and one of them was Chelsea Handler. Surprisingly, Chelsea didn’t say that crazy bitch Angelina Jolie is solely to blame for President-elect Trump becoming an actual thing. Instead of doing that, Chelsea directed everyone to point their blaming fingers at Calabasas, CA.
Many last-minute attention whore dreams came true for Kris Jenner this year, all thanks to her annual Khristmas party. She got tons of attention by keeping Blac Chyna’s name off the guest list, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West temporarily killed those divorce rumors by taking an awkward family picture together and now this little crusty nugget. Paris Hilton went to Kris’ party and posed for a picture with her fame whore spin-off.
And by “this,” I mean two things: extremely sophisticated portraits and a new kind of brain gonorrhea you’ll get while thinking about Terry Richardson slobbering from every orifice as he takes pictures of 19-year-old Kylie Jenner.
Since Kim Kartrashian is mostly sitting on the fame whore bench, it’s Kim Kartrashian 2.0’s job to keep her family’s signature brand of ho shit coming. So Kylie plumped up her balloon ass cheeks with helium, turned the dial that operates her eyes to DEAD and delivered all kinds of Instagram THOT poses. That mother/daughter picture above is truly touching. Kudos to humanized chloroform rag Uncle Terry for capturing Pimp Mama Krisssss in her true form. She’s never looked better.
If you’ve been looking for the perfect holiday gift for the fame whore-in-training in your life, Kylie Jenner’s 2017 calendar is already out. The pictures have leaked all over Instagram, and most of them look like backpage escort ads taken in a garage in front of a white bed sheet background. And I’m sure that’s exactly what Kylie and Uncle Terry were going for. I’ve burped up a few pics after the cut and you may want to look at them while listening to a song of your choice, because you’ll need something loud to drown out the sound of PMK screaming, “Work it, spread it, make it rain, bitch!”
A little over a week after Kanye West was released from the hospital, where he was being treated for an alleged mental breakdown, he appeared in b-hole-hugging jeggings and a dome full of blond hair at a furniture exhibit.
Page Six says that Kanye showed up to Rick Owens: Furniture at the Museum of Contemporary Art’s Pacific Design Center space in West Hollywood in last night. It doesn’t seem like there were any professional photographers there last night, which is why Kim Kartrashian didn’t go with Kanye. But someone managed to take a picture of Kanye sitting on what looks like a $35,000 outhouse stool made of sunstone crystals from Superman’s fortress. The picture was posted on Kanye West Daily, and also shows that Kanye went blond, and I wonder why….