When anybody with at least half a working brain cell thinks of a “powerhouse power couple,” they probably think of Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente, Oprah and bread, Dolly Parton’s chichis, Charlie Hunnam’s ass cheeks, a squirrel and a condom, an over-used butt plug and saliva, a broken hairdryer and a blown out electric socket, and nearly every pairing in the world not named Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott. But because Pimp Mama Kris probably kidnapped the children of GQ’s editors and threatened to feed those kids to Khlozilla if they didn’t print these false declarations, they have called Kylie and Travis the world’s most powerhouse power couple. And for the cover, they threw a half-naked Kylie onto a fully-clothed Travis. To quote Miranda Priestley: “Groundbreaking.”
When Forbes said that Kylie Jenner could potentially be the youngest self-made billionaire last week, a whole lot were made. “Self-made” would imply that Kylie hoisted herself up by the straps of her $1600 Balmain boots to start an almost-billion dollar cosmetics empire. The reality is that Kylie most likely had more help than her lips.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner would disagree. According to them, Kylie totally made it on her own and it had nothing to do with her famous last name or siblings.
After seeing how much publicity Kylie Jenner was getting for pretending her lips were now completely natural and filler-free, MTV fame whore Farrah Abraham thought to herself: “Hey! I have a shit-ton of filler! I could get my filler out too and stretch that 15 minutes of fame to at least a good hour due to volume alone!” Farrah is a real thinker. Continue reading
Whatever picture was hanging on the largest wall in Kris Jenner’s momager office (possibly a blown-up still from Kim’s porno) has surely been taken down today and replaced with a giant, framed picture of her youngest and most lucrative money maker on the cover of this month’s issue of Forbes. Last year it was reported that Kylie Jenner’s makeup company made $420 million in 18 months of retail sales. A year later, and Kylie Cosmetics has more than doubled their sales at $900 million. According to Forbes, 20-year-old Kylie is on her way to becoming the youngest self-made billionaire.
It’s Monday, so you know the Kardashian Klan are in the news for some stupid crap. And I’m the one here to tell you it. You’re welcome and I’m sorry. 20-year-old Kylie Jenner claimed in an Instagram comment that she’s a natural beauty now that she’s have all of her filler somehow removed. Take that, Keke Palmer! Continue reading
On Saturday, Brody Jenner went from the hot bro LC used to shed fake tears over on The Hills to husband to Kaitlynn Carter.
Back when it was first announced that 34-year-old Brody and 29-year-old Kaitlyn were getting hitched, I predicted their special day would be filmed for an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. But it wasn’t filmed for anything, because as expected, neither Kendall, Kylie, or Caitlyn Jenner were there. Kendall and Kylie’s empty seats weren’t much of a surprise. Brody told People last week that neither of them RSVP’d to their invitations. To be fair, maybe he didn’t know their current address; I mean, he didn’t even know Kylie was pregnant.
Caitlyn, on the other hand, refused to go, because if there was going to be a Kaitlynn Jenner at that wedding being given the center of attention, it would be the original, godddamn it! Caitlyn reportedly let Brody know she had a “work commitment” that she couldn’t get out of. Thankfully, Caitlyn and her daughters can see everything they missed by purchasing this week’s issue of People:
Brody and Kaitlynn got married in front of 50 family members at a resort on Suma Island, off the coast of Indonesia. It was the same resort in which Brody proposed back in 2016 (they met at a party in 2013). Thank god Brody doesn’t have a TMI sex talk show anymore. I’m sure none of those 50 guests wanted to spend any time during the reception trying not to make eye contact with Brody on the mic as he asks if anyone has any questions about what he was planning to do in the honeymoon suit that night.