It’s been a month since Kim Cattrall emerged as the goddess and savior of cinema reason why there would no longer be a Sex And The City 3 movie. Kim said that Samantha Jones was put through some degrading shit in the last movie, and so she’s leaving the franchise before Sarah Jessica Parker and Michael Patrick King make her shoot a scene where she loses her dentures in the middle of an orgy. The cast seemed pissed – some more than others – but also accepted that it was time to move on. Except Kristin Davis. Continue reading
When the world heard that Sex And The City 3 wasn’t happening, mostly everyone loudly rejoiced, except for Kristin Davis, because bitch needs a check (same). Sarah Jessica Parker confirmed it was a no-go by vaguely saying it wasn’t happening while her eyes said, “IT’S ALL SAMANTHA’S FAULT!” Kim Cattrall has more to say about the situation, and let us know that she’s staying away because the only thing served at the brunch table when she filmed was toxic tea! Continue reading
Kristin Davis is probably not going to sign Kim Cattrall up for the Sex Toy of the Month club for Christmas like she planned (nothing says Warm Holiday Wishes like a new dildo every month). Brooke from Melrose Place says it’s “deeply frustrating” that Sex and the City 3 is deader than our political system. It turns out that Kim Cattrall realizes that no one wants to see Samantha Jones removing her dentures and putting them in a cup of Polident on the nightstand so she can blow the UPS guy on the big screen. Kim put the kibosh on the film by refusing to be in it. Speaking of sending people gifts to show your appreciation, are we all chipping in on an Edible Arrangement to send to Kim to thank her for sparing us that particular hardship?
Kim Cattrall just did the world a huge favor by single handedly putting the kibosh on Sex And The City 3. That’s right, you may never have to cringe your way through another SATC movie again! Daily Mail reports that Kim is totally being a Carrie by making it all about her.
“Here they are, y’all! Take a good look, cause you might not get to see ’em for another couple of hours!”
The amfAR Inspiration Los Angeles Gala honoring Tom Ford was held on Wednesday night, and guess who showed up with her tits out? That’s right, everyone’s favorite permanent marker-huffing chipmunk Miley Cyrus! But since the amfAR Gala is some fancy shit, she knew she it would be inappropriate to roll up in a high-cut thong and weed leaf pasties. So instead, she decided to bust open a Sheer Elegance L’eggs, wear them as a shirt, and wrap up her backwoods nipple bits in some black duct tape. Miley is nothing if not a klassy lassy, after all.
THIS is how you do tasteful black tie elegance. Why wear a boring-ass evening gown when you can look like the crazy hillbilly cousin of Leeloo Dallas? Or a slutty futuristic project manager from Blade Runner? Or a waitress at an adults-only murder mystery dinner theater? Or a rejected member of The Black Tape Project (NSFW)? Or a goth figure skater? I could literally go on for hours, but you get the picture. BITCH LOOKS HOT!
And adding to the already dangerously high levels of Appalachian sophistication, Miley brought her gorgeous mom Tish Cyrus as her date. Sadly, Tish didn’t also dress like a slutty BDSM mime; instead, she wore a satin tablecloth and did her hair in a fancy show pony braid. Oh well, next time!
Here’s more of Miley looking like a low-budget Pris Stratton (because you need that in your life), as well as Lea Michele who – SURPRISE SURPRISE – was serving up middle-aged horny cougar realness, Alessandra Ambrosia Salad wearing the Las Vegas showgirl version of Miley’s outfit, and a bunch of boring covered-up hos:
After Sex and the City Number Two was called out as a sequined dried turd by most critics and became a Razzie award winner, the show’s creator and the director of the movies Michael Patrick King said that they had one more
bowel movement movie in them and I took that to mean that he really wanted a bigger summer house in the Hamptons.
Even though the second SATC movie, which splattered onto screens in 2010, was a flop in the hearts of many fans and was offensive on every level, it still made almost $300 million worldwide. So of course those bitches have another story to tell. Jennifer Hudson says that story may be told soon, because someone recently talked to her about a third movie. During an interview with Dish Nation (via E!), JHud spilled this:
“I think it might be [happening]. Somebody just came to me talking about that. So if it’s in the talks, it might happen. So look out for your girl Louise from St. Louis.”
In the file folder labeled “Final SATC movie” in Michael Patrick King’s head, I hope there’s a plot summary in there that reads: “The SATC hos watch Rojo Caliente eat an orange for 2 hours straight.” Now THAT is the only SATC movie I want to see.
But really, we all know what the FINAL SATC story is. They all retire and move into a small, three bedroom tract home in Miami and when they’re not getting into hijinks, they’re laughing over
cosmos cheesecake in the kitchen. Carrie will be played by a Bea Arthur hologram, Samantha will be played by a Rue McClanahan hologram, Miranda will be played by an Estelle Getty hologram and Charlotte will be played by a Betty White hologram (the real Betty White doesn’t want any part of that shit).
And does Sarah Jessica Parker really need MORE money? Look at this trick in NYC the other day. She was out for a casual gallop and found a check for $4,700 on the sidewalk. Money just falls at her hooves!