Kristin Cavallari recently revealed that her husband Jay Cutler unclogged her milk ducts by “sucking harder than he’s ever sucked.” Great, so now I have the image of 35-year-old Jay acting like an angry man-baby breastfeeding on one of Kristin’s boobs. For fuck’s sake, Kristin! If this is her way of trying to get us to beg her to talk about anything else, even vaccines, then it’s working.
Because a check is a check and Mischa Barton really needs a check, she’s doing what anyone in her position would do: “reality” TV. Heidi and Spencer Pratt and the rest of the people on The Hills whose names you can never remember showed up to the MTV VMAs this year and promised a reboot was in the works. Brody Jenner and Whitney Port somehow signed up for this, but news dropped today that one Marissa Cooper…aka Mischa…will be jumping from fiction to, uh, fiction-that-is-called-real-life and be (presumably) the Lauren Conrad/Kristin Cavallari role.
Last night at the MTV VMAs, the drips and bowls of bland oatmeal from The Hills came back together to announce that MTV is bringing back the series that launched the careers of all the people not in attendance for the reunion.
Kristin Cavallari, the former reality TV person-turned-professional famous mom and noted anti-vaxxer, recently found herself on the shit end of some internet hate. For once it wasn’t because of something dumb that came out of her mouth.
Now In “Things You Didn’t Need To Know” News: Kristin Cavallari Says Her Husband Is Getting A Vasectomy
In a move that is no doubt making pediatric professionals everywhere let out a giant sigh of relief, Kristin Cavallari recently admitted that she won’t be having any more kids. Well, at least not with her football-playing Dillard’s department store mannequin husband Jay Cutler.
During an interview on SiriusXM’s Conversations with Maria Menounos (via UsWeekly), Kristin sort-of hinted that she and Jay were taking “permanent measures” to prevent another Mayson or Henlee from joining their three children, Camden, Jaxon, and Saylor. When asked if they were thinking of a vasectomy (aka the ball-snip one) or a hysterectomy (aka the “Sayonara, uterus” one), Kristin said the end of their baby-making days would probably come courtesy of the first one. Kristin’s logic is that since she was the one who pushed three of his giant-headed babies out of her body, Jay could pay it forward by letting a doctor cut-ler his vas deferens.
I don’t blame Kristin for not wanting to get a hysterectomy. You’ve got to protect that investment! What if she and Jay get divorced, and a few months later Kristin meets a billionaire with a thing for knocking-up bland blonde anti-vaxxers? That would truly be a gold-digging shame.
No word on how Jay feels about a trip to the snip-snip room. But it sounds like Kristin is pretty set on getting him in there. And it wouldn’t be that hard to trick him into it. According to Kristin, Jay doesn’t eat chemical-filled toxic garbage food anymore. So don’t be surprised if you see Kristin scribbling the words “Free Oreos and Doritos, This Way” on a piece of paper and taping it to the door of a vasectomy clinic.
Last week, while hustling the future Barnes & Noble clearance table hit Balancing in Heels, we learned that MTV employee-turned-chemical truther Kristin Cavallari chose to skip the typical baby formula and feed her babies a homemade formula made from goat’s milk. The reason she chose to do that was because her kids couldn’t handle cow milk, and soy milk is – according to Kristin – “usually genetically modified.” People.com was so excited about Kristin’s discovery, that they decided to post the recipe for her homemade goat milk baby slurry on their website. Unfortunately, promoting dubious diet advice from a reality TV star anti-vaxxer came back to bite them in the ass. Whoever would have guessed that would happen?
According to a blog called Friendly Atheist on Patheos (via Today), People deleted Kristin’s recipe from their site because several doctors came forward and slapped at them for publishing it. Professional medical sources, like the American Academy of Pediatrics and the US Department of Agriculture, don’t recommend that children under 12 months drink goat milk (or cow milk or soy milk) because it doesn’t provide enough nutrients.
Dr. Ruth Lawrence, a professor of pediatrics, obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Rochester Medical Center, told the Today show that she seconds what the AAP said. She adds that giving your kid a homemade formula like Kristin’s goat’s milk could result in nutritional deficiencies and “all sorts of problems“, like anemia, kidney problems, and something called metabolic acidosis. When asked for comment, Kristin replied: “Metabolic acidosis? Never heard of that one. Is that a type of GMO?”
I’m sure there’s many people screaming “DUH!” at the news that Kristin Cavallari doesn’t know what she’s talking about. But it’s still probably a good thing that a couple of people who went to medical school for this sort of thing called her out. And don’t say there’s no one dumb enough to believe what Kristin Cavallari says. I once believed a friend who told me I could get a full day’s worth of vitamins and nutrients from a McDonald’s 6-piece nugget combo. So yeah, they’re out there.
Here’s more of Kristin signing copies of Balancing in Heels at a Barnes & Noble yesterday with what I’m sure is a totally organic non-toxic chemical-free vegetable ink-based marker.