Category: Kristen Stewart

Open Post: Hosted By Kristen Stewart In A Sexy David S. Pumpkins Costume

October 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Just like Jennifer Lawrence and Reese Witherspoon, Kristen Stewart spoke about sexual harassment in Hollywood at last night’s Elle Women in Hollywood event and hocked a loogie at that “motherfuckerHarvey Weinstein without naming his name. And as she did that, she worked a stunning outfit straight from the Haus of What The Fuck. I know, you can always count on me to focus on what’s really important from an event.

KStew gave us the answer to the question: What do you get when you smoke a joint laced with Adderall before making an outfit from a church lady’s old white pantyhose, a Southern dandy’s Halloween suit, a lace bra and the black guts of a cassette? Vanity Fair tells me that KStew’s suit was made by designer Antonio Berardi. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen an Antonio Berardi outfit before, but I’ll still say that he outdid himself here. Antonio gave us a W when he put those shoulders cutouts in that blazer. He gave us a T when he covered those shoulder cutouts with old pantyhose. And he gave us an F when he rolled up those pants.

KStew’s outfit may look like an off-brand “sexy David S. Pumpkins” Halloween costume from Ricky’s, but it’s perfect for many other holidays too. If you’re sick of spending your Thanksgiving dinner listening to your relatives yell at each other, just wear this. They’ll be too busy wondering what the fuck you’re wearing to fight. It’ll bring the whole family together!

Pics: Wenn.com

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We May Soon Live In A World Where Kristen Stewart Is One Of Charlie’s Angels 

September 29, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s really, really time for Candy Finnigan of Intervention to gather all of Hollywood’s loved ones in the room of an economy hotel, and lead them in begging Hollywood to finally put down the crack pipe and get some help! Because they’ve gone too far when they start thinking about making Kristen Stewart a fucking Charlie’s Angel!

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Tiger Woods Is Threatening To Sue Whoever Leaked His Nudes

August 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Sometime in the past few days, nude photos of Tiger Woods, Lindsey Vonn, Katharine McPhee, Miley Cyrus, Kristen Stewart, and Stella Maxwell hit the internet. I’m not going to link any of the pics here (I’ll let you make that journey on your own if you’re so inclined). But here’s what you need to know: it was sort of like The Fappening, but this time with sports penis. That penis belongs to Tiger Woods, and TMZ says he’s beyond pissed that someone leaked a picture of his trouser iron onto the internet.

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Kristen Stewart Is Giving You “Stop The Insanity” Moodiness

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

Last month when Kristen Stewart officially came out as a gayelle on Saturday Night Live, her hair was very “Hollywood power lesbian.” Well, sometime before the L.A. premiere of that arty ghost texting movie, Personal Shopper, she Legend of Billie Jean’d herself by taking clippers to her hair and also Clorox’ing that bitch. Kristen Stewart gave herself a buzzcut for either that underwater movie she’s doing, or because she wanted to, or because she couldn’t handle the mutant lice anymore and tried to shave them out of her life. (SPOILER ALERT: That doesn’t work.)

Many are saying that Kristen Stewart is giving them Dollar Tree Annie Lennox vibes. And sure, KStew does look like a grouchy Annie Lennox impersonator who has a record low rating on Yelp because she screams at party guests who asks for a selfie and really just wants to smoke a joint in the corner. But I’m also getting fetus-aged Justin Bieber mixed with the greatest fitness queen of the 90s Susan Powter!

justinbiebersusanpowter

KStew seems to really be feeling it, because usually when she’s in front of a camera, she looks about as happy as Howie Mandel at a bareback scat orgy. But her face actually produced a smile or two last night. The power of a Susan Powter makeover knows no bounds! And I think KStew was feeling her new look so much that she forgot to put on clothes over that weird shapewear shit she’s wearing.

Pics: Wenn.com, Pinterest, Globe and Mail

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