The last movie Jack Nicholson appeared in was 2010’s How Do You Know. If I was 79 like Jack is, I’d also only leave the house for the odd Lakers game here and there. But I guess the right project came along, and it was enough to make him want to put on some pants and go to work.
Sources tell Variety that Jack has come out of semi-retirement to star in Paramount’s upcoming English-language remake of the 2016 German-Austrian film Toni Erdmann. The film, which has received a bunch of awards, including an Academy Award nomination for Best Foreign Language Film, is about a weirdo father trying to reconnect with his workaholic adult daughter. He invents a character named Toni Erdmann and poses as a life coach. Kristen Wiig is playing his daughter, and will also co-produce the film.
Variety says Paramount is still looking for a director and a writer. Jason Voorhees totally just emailed his contact at Paramount a folder of creative writing samples. “Hey, so I recently found myself out of work, and I heard a job opened up over there.”
English-language remakes have a reputation of being no where near as good as the original, so I hope they don’t do a really great movie like Toni Erdmann dirty. More importantly, I hope they remembered to break the news to Jack Nicholson very gently that his 43-year-old co-star would be playing his (deep breath) daughter and not his girlfriend. You don’t want to shock him into a coma.
When the all-lady reboot of Ghostbusters was released last month, it didn’t pull in Suicide Squad numbers, but it didn’t do Nine Lives numbers either. It brought in $46 million on its opening weekend, and has proceeded to make more than $180 million worldwide. Shortly after the opening weekend numbers were added up, Sony’s president of worldwide marketing and distribution announced that it was the “restart” of a brand relaunch. I was already bracing myself for Ghostbusters 2: Electric BOO-galoo and Ghosbusters 3: Freddy vs. Jason vs. Slimer. I can stop though, because The Hollywood Reporter says it won’t get a sequel.
When Leslie Jones threw a non-sample sized side-eye at the designers who refused to dress her for the Hollywood premiere of Ghostbusters, many tricks said some shit like, “Use that Ghostbusters money to buy your own damn dress!” To which I said, “FOR WHY?” First of all, unless Leslie bought something classic like The Slut Dress (Never 4Get), she might be able to wear her Ghostbusters premiere dress again. Second of all, the designer will get some press out of it. Third of all, if some trick from Vanderpump Rules can get her hands on a borrowed dress for an event, so should Leslie Jones. Fourth of all, even my cousin, who is a regular like us, gets big name designers to dress her for events. And yes, by “gets big name designers to dress her for events,” I mean she buys a dress from T.J. Maxx and returns it the next day.
Newly married Christian Siriano offered to dress Leslie and this is what they came up with. Allison mentioned the iconic Snobby Saleswoman #2 in her post about this, and Leslie is definitely serving up some “Big mistake. Big. HUGE.” glamour. It’s very “Vivian Ward going to the opera” and Leslie really should’ve gone all the way. Leslie should’ve worn long white gloves with it. You know, the gloves that Vivian only wore because she knew she’d have to pull gerbils out of Edward Lewis’ culo hole later that night.
In other Ghostbusters news, despite the trailer looking like a dried-up Slimer dingle, the critics say that it’s not awful. It’s gotten mixed to very positive reviews and many critics say that Kate McKinnon’s performance is worth the price of a ticket. I still don’t know if I’m going to see Ghostbusters this weekend for the sole fact that none of the reviews I read mentioned a scene where a naked Chris Hemsworth gets slimed in slow-motion for 10 minutes straight. What’s the point of casting Thor in a Ghostbusters movie if you’re not going to shoot a scene where he gets slimed while naked for 10 minutes straight? That’s like casting Alexander Skarsgard at Tarzan and not putting him a loin cloth. Boggled: The mind is.
Here’s many more pictures from the premiere including some of ANNIE POTTS and Todd Chrisley (hey, every premiere needs a seat filler) who looked like Slimer if Slimer got a skin graft from a wax figure.
When the trailer for the all-lady Ghostbusters reboot was released two months ago, it made people feel a lot of feelings. For example, joy (seeing Kate McKinnon dressed up like Tank Girl), melancholy (remembering that we’re still waiting on the re-release of Hi-C Ecto Cooler) or horniness (all that sexy slime). But for the most part, it made people really angry. According to YouTube numbers, the Ghostbusters trailer is now the most-disliked movie trailer of all time, as well as one of the 25 most-hated videos in YouTube history. As of this afternoon, 700,560 people have clicked the thumbs-down button on the Ghostbusters trailer. Well, Ghostbusters star Melissa McCarthy has something to say about that, and…yeah, she pretty much agrees that it’s not a great trailer.
Melissa spoke to Johnjay and Rich of iHeart Radio (via Entertainment Weekly) on Monday, and she admitted that she had some questions about that trailer too. Melissa was asked to explain why the trailer opens with the words “30 years ago four scientists saved New York” if this new movie takes place in a world where the original Ghostbusters don’t exist. Melissa doesn’t know, you guys.
“It’s a reboot. I know, it’s weird that they said the ’30 years ago’ because in this movie, the first one didn’t happen…it’s the same thing of four unlikely heroes, it’s in New York City, ghosts are taking over. It’s that same classic story, but it’s not a ’30 years later.’ The trailer says 30 years later, which I didn’t quite get myself. Believe me, the question was asked. I was like, ‘I think that’s very confusing’, but then everyone said ‘We don’t care what you think’ (laughs).”
Oh no, this is how bad movies get made. One person raises their hand and nervously mumbles something about not making sense or being a disaster, and someone in charge hisses “Quiet, you” before going back to their happy place and mentally counting the millions they think they’ll make. Would it be better if it came from Slimer maybe? Slimer, stop eating trash for a second and raise your goddamn green hand. It’s not too late! They’re not done shooting yet. See? Here’s Melissa and Kristen Wiig filming Ghostbusters earlier this week.
There are many things that are perfectly okay to swat away. Those things include annoying mosquitos, annoying mosquitos’ human cousin Taylor Swift, a relative asking you for a loan, your hungry child asking you for food while you’re trying to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, etc… There are also things that are not okay to swat away no matter what and one of those things is your 80s-90s TV daddy John Goodman. Kristen Wiig apparently broke that rule and I demand that she pay the price for that by spending the rest of her days on Death Row!
No, you’re not looking at the money shot from a food play porno sponsored by Key Lime Slime Twinkies. But I’m sure that exists somewhere if that’s the kind of thing that does it for your down-lows. The day that Ghostbusters fans have been waiting for/dreading (depending on what side of the Ghostbusters all-lady reboot argument you’re on) is finally here. Sony released the first official trailer for the new Ghostbusters movie starring Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, and Leslie Jones earlier today, and it truly has everything. Ghosts. Slime. Wigs. Chris Hemsworth kicking down a door in nerd glasses. A melancholy CGI Victorian ghost that I’m pretty sure is actually Rooney Mara trying her hand at some Andy Serkis-style motion capture.
Overall, I’m into it (Kate McKinnon dressed in Forever 21 Tank Girl drag sold it for me). But I do have two notes:
1. Where’s the ghost blowjob scene?!? Ghostbusters is nothing without a sexy ghost going down on a horny buster.
2. They updated a lot, but for some reason Slimer is still the same old Slimer? This is 2016 New York, not 1984 New York. There’s no way Slimer can still afford to live downtown. Unless Slimer found a way to get rich by injecting himself into the lips of Manhattan socialites, he’s definitely living with 18 strangers in Brooklyn.
I’m also a little shocked they didn’t extend the whole gender-reversal thing to the the surprised ghost in the Ghostbusters logo. Or maybe they did try it, but it ended up looking too much like the undead version of KFC’s sexy chicken nugget from Japan and they didn’t want to get sued.