That was fast. Before we could clean the panting hot breath marks and sticky palm prints off the inside of our car windows after hearing that Khloe Kardashian (in wax above) was “in contention” (AKA anywhere from completely fabricated to already inked), to be the next Bachelorette, the rumor has been shot down. According to Khloe’s Momager Kris Jenner and
protective moral compass big sister Kim Kardashian, Khloe as the Bachelorette is a no go, which is a shame, since she clearly can not be trusted to swipe right on her own.
Looks like Kris Jenner not only buys out her son, Rob Kardashian‘s, failing business, but also looks out for new storylines for him to participate in to make that thick and delicious Keeping Up The Demonic Energies Corrupting Society With The Kardashians-money. And she found one.
The gift that keeps on giving, Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian‘s child support fight, is swinging into phase three: bringing in the rest of the koven. After Blac Chyna’s “clapback” yesterday, I guess the Kardashian’s decided to tag in The Big Pimp into the media mess.
This is why it’s important to take selfie breaks every once in a while to read the damn news. Because if Kim Kardashian did that sort of thing, she might have read about Shaun White getting in trouble for his Simple Jack Halloween costume. And she might have said to herself, “So apparently we don’t use the r-word anymore? Good to know.” But a self-obsessed fame whore never takes a break, and so up until last night, Kim casually threw around the r-word. After getting called out by people who are familiar with the current protocol on such a word (aka don’t use it), Kim is apologizing.
What’s that Khloe? You got your mom a $14,000 Botox facial for her birthday? Kourtney, you ordered a gift basket filled with imported Italian greyhound puppies? All very kind gestures, but the best child came through and outdid you all on Kris Jenner’s 63rd birthday with a brand-new Ferrari. Rob, toss that handmade macaroni necklace behind the couch where it belongs, it just can’t compete with mama’s fancy new ride.
I know that we all thought Kim Kardashian was a portrait of body positivity, especially after she reminded us how extremely happy, elated and thoroughly tickled pink she was to be a minuscule 120 pounds. Well slap on your surprised face because you are in for a turnaround!