The news reported yesterday that thousands of people who were in a coma miraculously woke up and doctors can’t explain it. There’s now an explanation: Kim Kartrashian hit the ho stroll AND she took her first selfie of 2017. We all have a reason to live in this world again!
Of course my first question was: “Was he there being treated for konstant fame whore exposure?” Nope, not yet. Sadly there’s no cure for that. Rob Kardashian was actually in the hospital because he had a health scare after his diabetes started acting up. TMZ says that on Wednesday evening, Rob Kardashian was admitted to the hospital around 9:45 for “medical distress.”
Kris Jenner throws a tacky-ass Christmas party every year, and this year she had a really tough decision when it came to making out the guest list. No, not whether Satan gets a plus-one (he never does – Kris would get too jealous). Kris didn’t know whether to invite her son’s baby mother Blac Chyna. Angela Kardashi-in-her-dreams and Rob Kardashian spent the weekend laying the plot-line groundwork for Rob & Chyna Season 2 on social media, and things got messy. If Kris invited Blac Chyna, she could orchestrate several awkward Chyna-Rob reunion selfies and get tons of attention. If Kris didn’t invite Chyna, it would trigger more drama and she’d get even more attention. Obviously Kris chose Option #2.
Phew! Now Blac Chyna can get back to more important things, like negotiating the details of her contracts with E! for Rob & Chyna Get Married and Chyna Takes Rob To Buy Sweatpants.
Earlier this week we learned that Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian awoke from their Botoxed slumber to sic their lawyers on Blac Chyna’s application to trademark the name “Angela Renee Kardashian.” It was claimed that trademarking the name Angela Kardashian™ was a blatant cash grab and that it would tarnish Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe’s “goodwill and popularity.” Clearly Kris Jenner saw everyone laughing hard at how HOpocritical that sounded, because TMZ says the lawyers have been called off.
TMZ has been told that Kris Jenner personally told Chyna that there’s no hard feelings and blamed the drama on the lawyers. Sources close to Blac Chyna say that Kim & Ko. also reached out to her and claimed their lawyers were just following protocol. Their lawyers have been instructed to block anyone trying to trademark the Kardashian name, thus leading to Chyna’s application getting flagged.
Blac Chyna’s trademark application is still pending, which means there’s a chance it could end up getting approved. And once it’s approved, it’s only a matter of seconds before you see a line of Get Paid with Angela Kardashian™ instructional DVDs (Vol. 1: Put Your Uteru$$ To Work) and Angela Kardashian™ No-Flip Silicone Butt Implants at a discount store near you.
When the news broke on Monday night that shit had gotten all kinds of real for Kanye West’s mental health situation, there were a lot of details to process. TMZ said that Kanye was being held at the UCLA Medical Center for a psychiatric evaluation regarding his latest series of mid-concert meltdowns and exhaustion-triggered Saint Pablo tour cancellation. Then TMZ said Kanye’s doctor, Dr. Michael Farzam, had put Kanye on a 5150 hold, aka the universal hospital code for “This is serious.” People claimed Kanye was fine and he was just chilling out in the hospital for “sleep deprivation.” People now claims to have more information, and they’re still shaking their head in a “nope, nothing to see here!” way.
This week marked the one-year anniversary of former Kardashian husband Lamar Odom’s overdose kontretemps at a Nevada whorehouse. As you know, former NBA player Lamar (probably having experienced an epiphany along the lines of “my wife only married me because her family are professional fame whores and they kollect famous penises of color like some people collect coins from the Franklin Mint),” mired himself in leased vagine and hard drugs and nearly died at the Love Ranch South in Pahrump, Nevada. Well, the owner of the Love Ranch, Dennis Hof, has discovered that the merest whiff of a Kardashian in your life (think burning pool innertubes and formaldehyde) brings ruin and devastation. His house in Reno burned down and he thinks the Kardashians kursed him!