Kris Jenner, the Shonda Rhimes of reality television (she’s a master when it comes to plotting), is prepping for a battle with Blac Chyna.
Since Chyna and Rob Kardashian aren’t together, it was time to cue the requisite custody battle for their daughter, Dream. Chyna, one of the more prominent visitors from “the world of the pole” (thanks again, Wendy Williams), reportedly doesn’t want dual custody with the E! channel’s version of Eeyore. Speaking of Disney, People says that the prototype for every single one of their villainesses is ready to help her frumpy son get what’s his.
The last time we checked in on the status of Scott Disick’s relationship with Kourtney Kardashian, they were reportedly back together. Since Scott and Kourtney get bored with each other like Kim Kardashian gets bored of whatever face she’s had for longer than a couple months, they’re currently off again. But now they’re really off, and it’s all thanks to Scott trying to pull a fast one on the Koven during their recent vacation on the island of Costa Rica.
The news reported yesterday that thousands of people who were in a coma miraculously woke up and doctors can’t explain it. There’s now an explanation: Kim Kartrashian hit the ho stroll AND she took her first selfie of 2017. We all have a reason to live in this world again!
Of course my first question was: “Was he there being treated for konstant fame whore exposure?” Nope, not yet. Sadly there’s no cure for that. Rob Kardashian was actually in the hospital because he had a health scare after his diabetes started acting up. TMZ says that on Wednesday evening, Rob Kardashian was admitted to the hospital around 9:45 for “medical distress.”
Kris Jenner throws a tacky-ass Christmas party every year, and this year she had a really tough decision when it came to making out the guest list. No, not whether Satan gets a plus-one (he never does – Kris would get too jealous). Kris didn’t know whether to invite her son’s baby mother Blac Chyna. Angela Kardashi-in-her-dreams and Rob Kardashian spent the weekend laying the plot-line groundwork for Rob & Chyna Season 2 on social media, and things got messy. If Kris invited Blac Chyna, she could orchestrate several awkward Chyna-Rob reunion selfies and get tons of attention. If Kris didn’t invite Chyna, it would trigger more drama and she’d get even more attention. Obviously Kris chose Option #2.
Phew! Now Blac Chyna can get back to more important things, like negotiating the details of her contracts with E! for Rob & Chyna Get Married and Chyna Takes Rob To Buy Sweatpants.
Earlier this week we learned that Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian awoke from their Botoxed slumber to sic their lawyers on Blac Chyna’s application to trademark the name “Angela Renee Kardashian.” It was claimed that trademarking the name Angela Kardashian™ was a blatant cash grab and that it would tarnish Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe’s “goodwill and popularity.” Clearly Kris Jenner saw everyone laughing hard at how HOpocritical that sounded, because TMZ says the lawyers have been called off.
TMZ has been told that Kris Jenner personally told Chyna that there’s no hard feelings and blamed the drama on the lawyers. Sources close to Blac Chyna say that Kim & Ko. also reached out to her and claimed their lawyers were just following protocol. Their lawyers have been instructed to block anyone trying to trademark the Kardashian name, thus leading to Chyna’s application getting flagged.
Blac Chyna’s trademark application is still pending, which means there’s a chance it could end up getting approved. And once it’s approved, it’s only a matter of seconds before you see a line of Get Paid with Angela Kardashian™ instructional DVDs (Vol. 1: Put Your Uteru$$ To Work) and Angela Kardashian™ No-Flip Silicone Butt Implants at a discount store near you.