Entertainment Tonight is reporting that hell is upon us AGAIN and of course Hell’s sweethearts are the cause of it. Poosh (which fittingly enough sounds like a grossly cutesy name for a fart): Kourtney Kardashian‘s lifestyle blog which will rot society from the inside out has officially launched.
Normally it’s Kim Kardashian winning the Photoshop Awards for having a hiney that looks like the Hindenburg, but this time it’s Kourtney Kardashian’s time to take some heat. Kourt has been promoting some mysterious brand of hers called Poosh, but people have been wondering what kinda poosh is going on with her body in the latest promo shot since her face looks pasted on, she lost a thigh en route to the bathtub, and it looks like she’s got an engorged nipple on her wrist (but it’s probably just a bubble or rogue filler trying to get out of her body).
Just when you thought nobody was watching (OK, it was more than a thought – nobody was watching), Kris Jenner found a new trick up her sleeve, and it might be polyamory! OK, fine, it’s likely just smart co-parenting, but Kris will call it polyamory if it gets more eyeballs to E! on a Sunday night. 35-year-old Scott Disick is vacationing in Cabo at the moment, and rather than seem like an absent father and just jet to Mexico with his piece, 20-year-old Sofia Richie, he did the mature thing: bring his ex Kourtney Kardashian, too!
You’re probably already in your end-of-the-world bunker because of (insert anything that’s on the news), but this should really make you get in your end-of-the-world bunker. As soon as soon as the tip of the hood on John Mayer’s David Duke touched the kooze of a Kartrashian, the earth’s core would explode over this unholy union.
People reports the highly important news that Kourtney Kardashian went to dinner with her 35-year-old ex Scott Disick and Sofia Richie. On Sunday, Scott took his child girlfriend to Chuck E. Cheese and as she played skee-ball, Kourtney’s sloth brain nearly melted while wondering why her salad didn’t have cucumber cubes in it. No, they went to Nobu.
This is why it’s important to take selfie breaks every once in a while to read the damn news. Because if Kim Kardashian did that sort of thing, she might have read about Shaun White getting in trouble for his Simple Jack Halloween costume. And she might have said to herself, “So apparently we don’t use the r-word anymore? Good to know.” But a self-obsessed fame whore never takes a break, and so up until last night, Kim casually threw around the r-word. After getting called out by people who are familiar with the current protocol on such a word (aka don’t use it), Kim is apologizing.