Category: Knocked Up
Kelly Osbourne Is Pregnant With Her First Child
Kelly Osbourne is having a baby and she shared the big news today on Instagram with two pics that are after the cut. The first shows her doing duck-lips beside a print-out of her ultrasound, and the second is a trés candid shot of 37-year-old Kelly beside her pool, gazing lovingly at the image of her unborn baby. I wonder what she’s thinking. Probably, “Papa don’t preach. I’m in trouble deep!”
Kylie Jenner Released A Video Confirming That She’s Pregnant Again
Last month, it was pretty much confirmed that Kylie Jenner is pregnant again after Caitlyn Jenner opened her big mouth and blabbing about how she’s expecting another grandchild, which naturally everyone believed to be Caitlyn spilling some pregnancy news about Kylie. That gossip was compounded by a TikTok user who believed they’d cracked the code on the truth about Kylie’s current reproductive situation, which involved wondering whether Kylie had accidentally dropped a clue about being pregnant via her fake nails. Then, multiple sources came out of the woodwork to claim that she was indeed pregnant by Travis Scott, her on-again-off-again boyfriend, and father to her first child. Kylie must not have wanted to keep a pregnancy secret as badly as she did the first time around because yesterday she addressed all that pregnancy speculation by posting a little video to Instagram to confirm everyone was correct, and that she is pregnant with her and Travis Scott’s second child.
Well, Knocking Up A Side Trick Is One Way To Completely Ruin Your Marriage
Pimp Mama Kris added Carmelo Anthony’s name to the long, long list of possible suitors for her hos after it was reported that he and his wife of almost 7 years La La Anthony (who is also Kim Kartrashian’s friend) decided that they didn’t want to be together anymore. Carmelo, who currently plays with the New York Knicks, and one-time MTV VJ La La (born name: Alani Nicole Vázquez) are living in separate places, but trying to keep things nice and drama-free for the sake of their 10-year-old son Kiyan. TMZ’s sources said their marriage has been floating in the toilet for a while, and apparently one of the things that helped La La decide to finally hit the flusher was finding out that Carmelo knocked up his stripper side piece. The good news for all of us is that we gained 10 extra minutes in our day because that’s how long the earth stood still from the shock of a professional athlete cheating on his wife.
Natalie Portman Is Probably Most Likely Pregnant
Natalie Portman is at the Venice Film Festival where she’s selling two pieces of Oscar bait: one’s called Planetarium and the other one’s the Jackie Kennedy biopic called Jackee. (Typo and it stays, because I need to put the idea of a Jackée Harry biopic out into the universe.) In the pictures that have come out from Venice, Natalie has been looking a little inflated in the stomach area and some figured that she’s either got some vegan burrito-induced bloat up in there or her ballerino husband’s jizz fish pirouetted into one of her ovary eggs. It’s probably the second one.
Gavin Rossdale’s Ex-Nanny/Side Piece Is Knocked Up
That pounding sound you hear is a Maury producer frantically calling Mindy Mann to get her on a very special Paternity Test Results: Celebrity-ish Edition episode.
UsWeekly says that Mindy Mann, the nanny who fucked on Gavin Rossdale while he was still married to Gwen Stefani, has a baby growing in her body. Mindy’s sister threw up a picture on Instagram of her holding her fetus dome area while covering her face with an “It’s A Boy!” giraffe balloon. Someone left a comment on that Instagram post where they congratulated Mindy’s current dude, snowboard instructor Spencer Gutcheon (Gutcheon sounds like a really painful sex act), and said that he’s going to make a good dad. But bless The Daily Mail for trying to take this into ESCANDALOSO territory.
They posted a video of Mindy Mann leaving a Dollar Tree and keeping her lips shut as a pap congratulated her ass. The Mail also claims that she continued to keep her lips shut when the pap asked her who the father of her unborn baby is. Of course, Gwen Stefani pinked-slipped Mindy after that tattle-tale bitch iCloud called out her affair with Gavin. But even after Mindy got put on the curb, she and Gavin kept in touch. The Daily Mail posted pictures of Mindy and someone else having lunch with Gavin last week. Also, last December, Gavin’s Range Rover was seen in the parking lot of the nursery where Mindy works.
That Gutcheon dude is probably the baby father, but well….Gavin’s dick batter has been known to make at least one secret love child that we know of. But I guess we’ll know that Gavin IS the father when he tries to get more money out of Gwen to pay child support and when Mindy Mann takes her Single White Female act to the next level by naming her first son Montego Bay.
Here’s the greasy nanny fucker wearing an amazing disguise while leaving a Trader Joe’s with the new nanny and his sons.
Uncle Terry Is Going To Be A Daddy To Twins
Two strange things have happened: 1. Terry Richardson jizzed up into someone’s body instead of all over their face while taking their picture. 2. The ovary of that someone he jizzed up into didn’t immediately pull down its security gate and slap a “WE HAVED MOVED! NO FORWARDING ADDRESS!” sign on it as soon as it saw Uncle Terry’s nasty sperm fishes swimming toward it. I thought all women were born with that protective gene. I guess not. Because Page Six says that soon, the humanized skid mark on a pair of crunchy American Apparel chonies is going to be a father to an actual human being. SANTO DIOS!