Category: Kirk Douglas

Kirk Douglas Was Named By Natalie Wood’s Sister As Her Alleged Assailant

November 4, 2021 / Posted by:

It seems like just yesterday that Catherine Zeta-Jones was rolling out the withered husk of Kirk Douglas on stage at the Golden Globes, much to the dismay of many who either weren’t ready to see the ravages 100 years takes on the human body in high def, and/or didn’t want to see a man suspected of raping a 16-year-old Natalie Wood heralded as a hero. According to The Guardian, Natalie’s sister Lana Wood has completed her memoir, Little Sister, and with its publication, “one of Hollywood’s darkest rumors” has been corroborated. Lana says that since Kirk has died, she feels like she’s not betraying her sister by revealing that he was Natalie’s alleged rapist. Poor Lana probably woke up every morning for the last 20 years checking her Google alerts going “damn, how this bitch is STILL ALIVE?

Continue reading

Kirk Douglas Has Died At 103

February 5, 2020 / Posted by:

Kirk Douglas, one of the last surviving stars of Hollywood’s golden age, died today. Kirk’s son Michael Douglas confirmed the news. Kirk was 103 years old. Somewhere in the Dolby Theater, the Oscar producers are scrambling to put together a Kirk Douglas montage while they text Brad Pitt, Joaquin Phoenix, Laura Dern, and Renee Zellweger with, “Keep it short, bitches!

Continue reading

Tags:
SHARE

Many Were Not Happy About Kirk Douglas Getting Honored At The Golden Globes

January 8, 2018 / Posted by:

When that long Golden Globes montage to 101-year-old Kirk Douglas ended on Sunday, I was mainly enraptured by his daughter-in-law Catherine Zeta-Jones’ blowout (and apparently so was Kirk), thinking it was about to snatch away Oprah’s Cecil B. DeMille Award since it was contributing plenty to television in just its three minutes of air time. Alas, others thought the whole pomp and circumstance was brutally tone deaf the same night where “Time’s Up!” was the message since Kirk is said to have been a Grade-A Hollywood predator when he allegedly raped Natalie Wood back in the day. Continue reading

Happy Thanksgiving!

November 24, 2011 / Posted by:

As Kim Kuntrashian served up a paper plate full of lukewarm publicity stunt, Kirk Douglas, who has volunteered at the L.A. Mission since the beginning of time, NOM NOM NOM-ed on a piece of turkey. The world could’ve been ending around Kirk, but he wouldn’t have noticed since all of his focus was put into gumming the hell out of that turkey. Kirk eat, prayed and loved that piece of turkey. This pussy knows what I’m talking about. Before I recreate these pictures with a dinner roll dipped in cooking wine, I just want to wish all you sluts a Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for giving my posts your eyes even though I talk about dick fromage and anuses all the time. So I’m thankful for that and thankful that dick fromage exists so I can talk about it all the time.

It’s true that us Americans only have Thanksgiving dinner so that we can build up our strength for the Running of the Assholes at midnight tonight. You know, that’s when we all gather at Best Buy and kill each other as we run toward a 5% off 3D Plasma TV. It’s like the capitalist version of The Hunger Games. So I hope that when you knee me in the dick and chin me in the nipple to keep me from grabbing at that 3D Plasma TV, you do so with love. We’re practically family!

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >