Kim Kardashian-West recently benefited from all the hard work of the American Civil Liberties Union and Mic by getting herself some airtime as the sudden savior of the free Alice Marie Johnson movement. Johnson, a non-violent drug offender who was serving a disproportionate-to-the-crime life sentence without the possibility of parole, had her sentence commuted by President Trump last week, seemingly at Kim’s behest. Kimmy got this done during a visit to the White House to meet with our burgeoning Dictator-In-Chief one-on-one. She’s just lucky that Alice Marie Johnson is black and that someone clued Agent Orange in that proclaiming white nationalists to be “fine people” probably won’t earn him the black vote in 2020.
Kanye West took time away from healing the racial schism in America, contributing to the midterm elections and saving Chicago, to release some new music to the world. Oh and you better believe 2018’s rap version of Plato served you up some Allegory of the Cave-reallness, honey. Time for a mental and emotional deep dive into Kanye West’s psyche. Strap in and strap on.
Last week, Travelocity’s site crashed after hundreds of millions of Americans went on there to immediately book a one-way trip from (insert your city here) to Fucking Mars after the President of the United States twatted out a picture of him putting on a diarrhea-eating grin next to the President of Fame Whores who would’ve put on a diarrhea-eating grin but her face is permanently stuck in the “sedated Joker” position.
Kim was at the White House to meet with Jabba the Trump and Jared Kushner about a cause that is important to her. Surprisingly, the cause wasn’t to make silicone ass jelly tax-free or to grant her Church of Fame Whores non-profit status (like her mom’s tax shelter, I mean, church). Kim was there to ask Trump to pardon Alice Marie Johnson, a 63-year-old great-grandmother who was a first-time offender and given a life sentence for a non-violent drug charge. Alice and more than a dozen people were busted in a Memphis-based coke trafficking operation. Alice said that she never made any coke deals or handled the bad shit, and all she did was relay coded messages over the phone. Alice was sentenced to life without parole in 1997.
Kim has been trying to get Alice out of prison, and it worked. Trump granted Kim’s wish. I guess piss queens gotta stick together.
There were some real upside down and sideways looks on display at the The Council of Fashion Designers of America awards in NYC last night. Most notably Whoopi Goldberg giving us Little Bo Peep who lost her sheep and was forced to go to the big city and take out a bank loan for more, wearing her best Big Business suit. The added bonus of that suit is that those giant bell bottoms probably ring so damn loud, the sheep should have no problem finding their way back home.
Other notable looks included: Cate Blanchett‘s tuxedo/ baked potato/ butcher’s apron combo, and the night’s host Issa Rae’s belt that read “Every Nigga Is A Star”. All of those looks and more are in the gallery but for now, we’ve got plenty of high fashion to keep us in “what is going on here”s for a week.
KKW is in tha HOUSE, Y’ALL! The White House that is! Everybody’s favorite reality star, Kim Kardashian West, managed to get an invite to the flashiest house on Pennsylvania Avenue where she met with the President of The United States of America to discuss a topic near and dear to her heart: Prison reform! To have the ear of Donald Trump, the most powerful man in the world, is no small feat for a humble gal from Calabasas!
Kim Kardashian has set aside her Twitter feud with the charity Kanye West established to go to the White House to meet with Jared Kushner to discuss prison reform. This is according to Vanity Fair which shares the same water supply as you and me. Look, I’d never done acid before Donald Trump was elected president, and I don’t really appreciate his covert initiative of forced national dosing. It makes me very disoriented and confused. If and when I decide to trip balls Ken Kesey-style, I’ll do it on my own terms, thankyouverymuch. But since group LSD hysteria is the only explanation for #thesetyringtimes and for Kim Kardashian visiting the White House to talk prison reform, Imma try to just go with it.