The news reported yesterday that thousands of people who were in a coma miraculously woke up and doctors can’t explain it. There’s now an explanation: Kim Kartrashian hit the ho stroll AND she took her first selfie of 2017. We all have a reason to live in this world again!
This item comes to us via Radar, so, there’s your salt shaker. All you need is a grain.
A “source” from the Kim Kardashian and Kanye West side of the tracks claims that Beyonce allegedly read Kim her rights during a harsh phone call. Pfff, like Beyonce even uses something as common as a “phone.” All her messages are sent by burning bush or global flood.
Many last-minute attention whore dreams came true for Kris Jenner this year, all thanks to her annual Khristmas party. She got tons of attention by keeping Blac Chyna’s name off the guest list, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West temporarily killed those divorce rumors by taking an awkward family picture together and now this little crusty nugget. Paris Hilton went to Kris’ party and posed for a picture with her fame whore spin-off.
I know what you’re thinking. “When the hell did Cher and Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man drag have kids?!!!” Believe me I said the same thing, but that is not them. 2016’s winner for Most Miserable Khristmas Kard is brought to you by none other than Kim Kardashian-West and her beloved Frank Ocean impersonator hubby Kanye West. I believe if Charles Dickens were still alive, first off, he’d be old as fuck. But secondly, I believe that he would have based his ghosts from A Christmas Carol off of the Kardashians, with Caitlyn Jenner as the ghost of Christmas Past, Kris Jenner as the ghost of Christmas Present (because her children are the world’s favorite stocking stuffers) and all the little Kid-Dashians as the ghosts of Christmas Future, which is a scary thought. And also in his updated tale, Kim is Tiny Tim to Kanye’s evil Scrooge.
Hmmm…do I smell divorce seeds being planted? No, of course I’m not. “Sources” have already informed us that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West aren’t getting a divorce right now. But, let’s say, hypothetically here, if they were to get divorced, it wouldn’t be that much of a surprise, right? According to People magazine’s latest round of sources, it might not have been a surprise before Kanye checked into the hospital.
A source claims that there was divorce talk about KimYe before his mental breakdown. They were apparently under a lot of stress after Kim’s robbery in Paris and weren’t spending a lot of time together, thanks to Kanye being away on the (now-cancelled) Saint Pablo Tour. When Kanye started acting erratic, like verbally slapping at Jay Z and Beyonce, Kim didn’t know what was going on, and it made things weird between them. We now know that what was going: Kanye’s mental state was crashing like a Kardashian’s phone with too many face-editing apps open.
The source says that Kim finally got clued in once she realized Kanye was having a mental breakdown and she is a kind soul who would never divorce someone because of a mental breakdown.
“Truly no truth behind divorce rumor. It’s not something she would divorce him over. He had a breakdown, but it does not pertain to them not getting along.”
It looks like Kim’s going to have to come up with a new reason for why she doesn’t want to be married to Kanye anymore. Luckily, she’s got the perfect excuse in the form of Kanye’s current friendship with Donald Trump. “I’m sorry Kanye, it’s over. If I wanted you to start hanging out with a delusional millionaire who wears too much makeup, I’d pick one of my sisters.”
Despite reports that Kim Kardashian has been going into power saver mode while attempting to read all the big words in her divorce papers, a source tells People that she “currently has no imminent plans to file for divorce” from Kanye West. But of course Kim isn’t quite ready to be done with Kanye West. There’s still at least five or six more months worth of material for the Kim Saves Kanye storyline that haven’t been
exploited explored yet.