If Kanye West’s recent semi-coherent ramble at the MTV VMAs is any indication, then Kanye West still has the mind of an ADHD hamster that just discovered what a mirror is. Since Kanye has an attention span of about 0.3 seconds, one would think he would have gotten bored of pulling at Taylor Swift’s metaphorical pigtails by now. But apparently Taylor is still someone he loves to talk about. He reminded us about their feud in his VMA speech, and he did it again backstage.
When it was reported that MTV was giving Kanye West 4 minutes to do whatever he wanted at the VMAs, I figured that he’d come on stage completely naked, sprawl his legs out in front of a three-way mirror and jack off to his own reflection with one hand while finger blasting his asshole with the other as he screamed his own name. And I was right! Sort of. Kanye did that in speech form.
Kanye walked out on stage and he rambled out a stream of messiness about calling Taylor Swift, the violence in Chicago, oppression, comparing himself to Steve Jobs and Walt Disney and his wife being a “G” (and in this case “g” stands for GiganticFameWhore). He also shouted out Amber Rose. It was like his Twitter come-to-life, and it was also like the kind of coked-up Ted Talk that makes you tell yourself to never watch a Ted Talk again. Nobody loves hearing Kanye speak (I could stop right there and it’d still be a fact) more than Kanye loves hearing Kanye speak:
And after mess, he played his video for Fade for starring Teyana Taylor. This video is Flashdance wrapped in Janet Jackson’s Pleasure Principle and covered with a thin layer of Cremaster and two thick drops of Jocelyn Wildenstein’s cat saliva.
F A D E https://t.co/IWLWpQmbfh
— K-Boogie™ (@iDntGetCurved_) August 29, 2016
That terrifying “Thundercat on human” shit is the reason why my eyes will stay wide open tonight.
And here’s Kanye with Kim who wore a dress that made her look like she’s got a 3-foot long vagina (“So what you’re saying is that her vagina looked smaller than usual.” – your ass)
The song and video that started the most important and future-scorching clash of pop stars in the 21st century so far is also an art exhibit. Kanye West has displayed those nude, night terror-inducing celebrity figures from the video for “Famous” at a “secret art exhibition” somewhere in Los Angeles. A blonde Kim Kardashian-West attended the show yesterday, along with the one with the modeling career that has nothing to do with nepotism. Kanye was there, too. On a video monitor that he was operating by remote control so he could chat about himself on two coasts at once. In the video on TMZ, it looks like, wait, is it moving? No. NO. Imagine a video Yeezus rolling up at you to complain about how the whore derves look over Skype? *shiver* He’s in NYC to perform his top-secret free-for-all shitshow at the VMAs tomorrow night, but his ego is far too bloated to let Kimmy have all the press at HIS exhibition.
If you were saving your coins, hoping that one day you’d be able to afford a Kardashian U Master Class taught by Professor Pimp Mama Kris on “How To Kontact The Devil So You Can Sell Your Soul And The Soul Of Your Children In Exchange For A Multi-Million Dollar Whore Empire,” you’ve been saving your money for nothing. Because PMK is no longer the chairpimp of the “university” she helped re-launch a few months ago. The good news is that Michael Lohan is probably still teaching classes on “How To Whore Out Your Children So You Never Have To Get A Real Job” in the back room of a strip club in Pompano Beach, so you can still take that.
Tyga “bought” his girlfriend, Kim Kardashian impersonator and Better Business Bureau favorite Kylie Jenner, another car for her birthday. Word is that the poor bastard can’t even afford these vehicles. Tyga and the repo man are closer than Kylie and illiteracy.
During an interview with BBC Radio 1 yesterday, Kanye West confessed that he’d like to add “furniture design” to the Shit Kanye Thinks Kanye Can Do section of his LinkedIn profile. Specifically, Kanye wants to design furniture for the mecca of cheap chairs and frozen meatballs, IKEA. Kanye said his dream is to make “a minimalist apartment inside a college dorm.” In case Kanye wasn’t clear enough about how much he wants this, he begged them in the third person.
“Yo IKEA, allow Kanye to create, allow him to make this thing because you know what, I want a bed that he makes, I want a chair that he makes. I want more products from Ye.”
Kanye is serious about his love for IKEA. Earlier this year, Kanye made a visit to IKEA head office in Sweden and tweeted about how much he wants to create some KØNYË crap for them. The only problem is, IKEA isn’t feeling it right now.