Kanye West shot an appearance on Ellen (it aired today), and they really should’ve temporarily changed the show’s name to KANYE! During her interview time with Kanye, Ellen DeGeneres should’ve just quietly exited stage left and chilled out in her dressing room until he was done (which would’ve been the day after never), because he took control. At one point, Kanye turned away from Ellen and addressed the audience as though he was giving a TED Talk if TED stood for Titanic-sized Egomaniacal Delusions.
You better slip on a pair of extra thick heat-resistant socks before you put your feet on the ground, because the flames of Hell are probably shooting up high as Lucifer celebrates the fact that his proudest creation Pimp Mama Kris is getting another family member to pimp out.
Blac Chyna is knocked up and is growing a Keeping Up with the Kardashians spin-off show and a Twitter trending topic in her silicone-encrusted womb, and she was planning to make the announcement on Mother’s Day. But someone decided to beat Angela Kardashian to the STUNT QUEEN punch and called up TMZ. Hmmm, I wonder who did that? Kut to PMK whispering her latest attention-getting news into Harvey Levin’s ear while sipping their morning cup of piping hot virgin’s blood together.
TMZ’s sources say that months ago, Blac Chyna straddled her fiancé Rob Kardashian’s naked body, pushed back his FUPA and he humped a baby into her. She’s apparently a few months knocked up. She’s already got a 3-year-old son named King Cairo with Tyga.
After TMZ broke the news that PMK is going to be somebody’s grandma for the 6th time, Blac Chyna pretty much confirmed it by burping up this on Instagram:
Blac Chyna recently posed for photo-op selfies with Kylie Jenner and PMK, and she hung out with Kim Kartrashian not too long ago, so it looks like they all made up for the sake of the child that’s going to get them even more attention. Touching, I know.
And if Wite Chyna (aka Kylie Jenner) ever marries the tattooed salamander (aka Tyga), King Cairo and Rob and Blac Chyna’s unborn baby will be cousins AND siblings, right? It’s Friday and I don’t need to bruise whatever is left of my brain on trying to figure that out, so can someone please update that Kardashian flow-chart?
Here’s pictures from over a week ago of Rob, Blac Chyna and Kim hitting the ho stroll in Beverly Hills to celebrate the creation of Koryea Kardashian. (You know that’s what Chyna is going to name their child.)
Fresh off from once again flipping the fashion world on its ass by wearing groundbreaking $15 colored contacts from a Halloween store to the Met Gala, Kanye West called into Steve Harvey in the Morning on iHeart radio (via Vulture), because it’s been much too long (read: like 6 minutes) since he’s redefined the definition of “delusional.” Kanye spit out words about his album The Life of Pablo, called slaves “unpaid interns who got promoted to assistants by Abraham Lincoln” and continued to beat a pile of horse bone dust by saying that he acted as an activist when he interrupted Taylor Swift at the MTV VMAs 500 years ago. But Kanye’s mouth really created an important piece for the Museum of Delusion when he said that his wife Kim Kartrashian has broken many things other than four-sizes-too-small dresses and nerves.
Well, it’s nice to see that the contacts John Travolta wore to play Robert Shapiro found another gig on Kanye West’s eyeballs.
Kanye really does live inside of a fart bubble of delusion where he believe he’s a major trendsetter, because what in the hell is new about some beauty supply contacts and a bedazzled Levi’s jean jacket? (Although, THE QUEEN probably loves his goatee since it’s shaped like one of her pocketbooks.)
Nearly ever other girl in the early-90s had to go to the doctor for some pink eye shit they got from sleeping in discount colored contacts. Zillions of chicks wore some Siberian Husky contacts and also had a jean jacket that she glamour’d up with rhinestones and puffy paint from the craft store. And they all wore that shit better than Kanye did at the Met Gala tonight.
Anna Wintour probably has an assistant whose sole job is to provide an arm for her to dig her claws into when she fills with rage over a bitch fucking with her nerves. Well, that assistant probably almost lost their arm when Kanye showed up to the Met Gala in ripped jeans. And speaking of things ripping apart…
I will never be able to eat stovetop popcorn again without smelling burnt plastic, lead paint and piss, because Twitter ruined it for me by comparing Kim Kartrashian’s ass in that dress to Jiffy Pop that was left on the stove too long.
Because self-awareness and dignity are not things Kris’s Kadets learn, Kimmy Krapdashian surprised no one when she tried to make last night about her. Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy… The waxed ball of butt implants decided to post a bunch of thirst trap pictures to Twitter and number them countdown/art serial number style while Beyonce’s Lemonade was airing on HBO last night. Koincedence? I think not. The black and white snaps are close-ups of legs and tits and her face, basically what comes to mind when you think of her. They’re also just krappy pictures kropped krappily with a black and white filter thrown in to try and make you think Kim is entering her “artist” phase.
It’s the weekend, which means most of you are happy. But I’m working to entertain you people. So let me bring a little darkness into your otherwise bright, shiny day. Prepare your mind for a trip to a place so dark, so twisted, one might call it a dark, twisted fantasy. I wouldn’t. But the person in question definitely would and would tell you it was an honor and a privilege to enter this nightmare realm. I present to you, The Bootyhole Baron aka Kanye Kardashian telling the world that he has never watched porn with the sound on. You’re welcome. Now you’ll be thinking of this heaving mound of ego playing skin flute by himself.
It’s not exactly shaping up to be a great week for secondary kharacters on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. First Khloe Kardashian decides that it’s time to stop pretending to care about Lamar Odom’s problems (and maybe to take a look at those divorce papers again). Then Kanye West gets kaught ranting about being an “artist” again. Now TMZ is saying that Kylie Jenner’s broke boyfriend might have to say goodbye to another one of his leased luxury cars.
According to documents obtained by TMZ (aka dropped off on their doorstep by Blac Chyna before her trip to the fire station with Fiance Rob), Tyga owes a whole lot of money to a car loan company called Choice Motor Credit. Tyga hasn’t made any payments on his 2013 Lamborghini Aventador, and now CMC is coming after him for $357,350.77. If Tyga can’t come up with the money, they’re going to repossess his Lamborghini.
This isn’t Tyga’s first repo rodeo with Choice Motor Credit. Back in February, CMC took back Tyga’s 2014 Bentley Mulsanne. TMZ says Tyga still owes CMC more than $91,000 for that Bentley. This also isn’t his first time getting in trouble for being too broke to pay the bills. Back in August, it was revealed that Tyga owed two different landlords a combined total of $150,000 in unpaid rent (with one landlord threatening to evict his deadbeat ass). A month later he was busted giving his girlfriend a $260,000 Ferrari for her birthday that was leased in her name.
Maybe if Tyga is lucky, his sugar teen will swoop in and save the day, and he won’t have to part with his Lamborghini. And if that doesn’t happen, he could always ask one of the producers of Keeping All These Kunts Relevant for an advance on his paycheck. I’d say he could also ask for an advance from his real job, but I’m not entirely sure he still has one of those.
Here’s Tyga’s girlfriend and the factory mold she was cast from (who appears to be cosplaying a hooker from The Matrix) at a recording studio earlier today.
This post is really just an excuse to gently caress your eyeballs with the velvety beauty of the tip moistening Italian Adonis who looks like he was chiseled out of a giant blog of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter by Michelangelo. When the Internet hands you a reason to post an exquisite portrait of the human vibrator for eyes, you take it. But while we’re here, let’s go into Fabio pissing all over Kim Kartrashian, and not in the way that made her famous.
Last week, the company responsible for the Kardashians’ favorite waist trainers was hit with a lawsuit by a group of women claiming the waist trainers worked about as well as the muscles in Kim Kardashian’s face (which is to say, not very much). Well, the Kardashians are once again in trouble for their brand-whoring ways, but this time, it’s because they didn’t sell out hard enough. Damn, the Kardashians kan’t katch a product-pimping break!
The NY Daily News says that a company called Hillair Capital Management has filed a $180 million lawsuit against the trifecta of tacky, Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian, for fraud and breach of contract. Hillair Capitol is pissed off because they put $10.8 million into Kardashian Beauty (formerly Khroma Beauty), back in 2014 and haven’t seen a return on investment. Kardashian Beauty was in need of some financial help two years ago after their original distribution company went tits up. So Hillair promised to fund distribution on the condition that Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe keep promoting it. You know, like pretending they actually use it.
But according to Hillair’s lawsuit, the Kardashians weren’t happy with the amount of coins that were dropped in their beggin’ cups, and they started looking for other investors. Hillair claims Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe then forced Hillair into a buyout by withholding support of Kardashian Beauty. The lawsuit also accuses Khloe of talking shit about the brand at a 2015 beauty expo in Dubai, and slapped at Kim for putting her name on a lipstick for the far klassier makeup brand Charlotte Tilbury.
Hillair wants their $10.8 million investment back, as well as its interest in the company, which they value at being between $64 million and $180 million. A lawyer for Kamp Kardashian has called the lawsuit “a disgrace” and accuses them of spreading “lies.” They also blame Hillair’s mismanagement on why Kardashian Beauty is in the krapper.
Hillair doesn’t realize actually just how large of a bullet they dodged when those greedy opportunists stopped pimping out their khosmetics khompany. I mean, at least waist trainer selfies are somewhat easy to Photoshop. But you know they’d never be able to show such restraint when retouching their faces. So yes, they lost a bunch of money. But it’s nothing compared to the money they’d lose after millions of pissed-off customers hit them with a class-action lawsuit after discovering that Kardashian Beauty products don’t actually transform their faces into airbrushed cartoons.
So it turns out we’re not done talking about Kim Kardashian’s week-old twitter fight today. During an interview with The Daily Beast at SXSW yesterday, Little Annie Fanny’s human cousin Amber Rose once again defended the slut honor of her former enemy/current rubber-faced ally Kim Kardashian. Except this time, it got her in a whole mess of trouble with Beyonce’s legion of rabid fans.