Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s new childrens’ clothing line is dropping in a few days. So naturally, little match girl North West has been turnt out onto the streets wearing the a few of the latest styles to help pad the family coffers, so she pay her eventual therapy bills. North looks super cute as always. However, one part of her outfit is raising a few eyebrows: an itty bitty kid sized corset.
With all the nasty Rob Kardashian/Blac Chyna drama in the ether lately, it’s almost a relief to read some good old fashioned, original recipe Kim Kardashian fuckery. Today, we have two riveting Tales from the Kardashian Krypt. “Part One” involves of drugs and children (but not really), and “Part Two” is about child abuse (but not really, not yet at least).
Kim Kardashian has a lot on her plate at the moment. She’s got two kids to text the nannies about, a new puppy that will eventually be dumped onto somebody else, a makeup line that she has already been accused of getting into blackface for. Kim is reportedly looking to get even busier by having a third kid with Kanye West, and TMZ says that they’ve already hired the surrogate who will carry it. This new baby news is coming a few days after the news broke that Beyonce gave birth to her second and third kids, which is much longer than the last time she tried to yank the spotlight away. I’m surprised that Kim was able to exercise such fame whore restraint.
Kim Kardashian West’s ass-tronomical booty is an entity all its own. Of course we all know it’s faker than a $9 bill. But still, her butt has become her calling card. Unfortunately after years of filling it with all kinds of chemicals, that shit is starting to look like a drunken third graders science project. So Kim is taking measures to make sure her poop chute remains among the elite of hot messes, and her husband Kanye West is 100% on board with Kim’s reconstruction plans.
Donatella Versace may be my pick for best dressed mess at last night’s Meth Gala and that’s only because sources (that only exist in my head) tell me that she trolled the shit out of the KarJenners.
Because Anna Wintour will invite any ole’ trick with 10 million Instagram followers or more to the Met Gala, Kylie Jenner went again and looked like the low-tide baby of Draco Malfoy and Travis The Singing Trout who got caught in a barf-colored fishermen’s net. Donatella Versace is partly responsible for that busted look since she designed the dress, but that’s not the trolling I’m talking about. I’m talking about Donatella posing next to Kim Kartrashian’s fame whore apparent while looking like a really glamorous piss stream.
The original Kim Kartrashian was there last night, so I’m surprised that her packing peanuts-stuffed ass didn’t act on instinct and immediately rub themselves against Donatella’s golden showers gown. My only complaint about Donatella’s stunning sopissticated look is that she didn’t finish it off with a boomerang fascinator on her head. Then she’d really look like piss coming out of Ray-J’s boomerang dick. Next time, Donatella. Next time!
Because Kim Kardashian wants to stay Kris’ favorite daughter, Kim saved talking about the traumatic details of her Paris apartment robbery for Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Unfortunately, many people seemed to be busy on the night of Kim’s Very Special Episode. So she packed up her saddest face and hit up every publicist’s favorite daytime talk show, Ellen, and talked some more about being robbed at gunpoint.