The picture you see above was taken several years ago. I’m pointing this out, because after what happened between Kid Cudi, Kanye West, and Drake on Twitter last night has probably killed any chance that Kid Cudi will ever be on the same stage as a smiling Kanye West ever again. Although I feel like neither of them are dabbing at tears with their hankies over that thought.
Not since a smallpox hospital burned down in the 1800s has Roosevelt Island seen a bigger disaster than the disaster that went down on Wednesday afternoon. Kanye West showed his latest collection of zombie rags and off-brand Capezio leotards for Yeezy, and it was a hot shit puddle of a mess from start to finish. Some models fainted, others nearly killed their ankles while trying to walk in the busted shoes and some fashion editors left after waiting more than an hour for it to start. Kanye’s collaborator and performance artist Vanessa Beecroft, who is a crazy mess in her own right, says that their shit show started 2 hours late, because it was meant to start 2 hours late, thankyouverymuch.
And yes, it was an even bigger disaster than Kylie Jenner’s bleached mop, which makes her look like KimBot 2.0.
Don’t ever try out to be a model in one of Kanye West’s fashion shows. You’ve probably made that mental note already, but make it again. Because you do not want Kim Kartrashian’s rubber alien mask face to be the last thing you see before you die of heatstroke. Kanye’s Yeezy season 4 show was held on Roosevelt Island in NYC today, and just like last season’s show, he had a bunch of models standing around for a long time. But since they were outside for hours and it was over 85 degrees in NYC today, some couldn’t take the heat and did what Pimp Mama Kris does when one of her hos jokes about hating fame: they passed out.
If Kanye West’s recent semi-coherent ramble at the MTV VMAs is any indication, then Kanye West still has the mind of an ADHD hamster that just discovered what a mirror is. Since Kanye has an attention span of about 0.3 seconds, one would think he would have gotten bored of pulling at Taylor Swift’s metaphorical pigtails by now. But apparently Taylor is still someone he loves to talk about. He reminded us about their feud in his VMA speech, and he did it again backstage.
When it was reported that MTV was giving Kanye West 4 minutes to do whatever he wanted at the VMAs, I figured that he’d come on stage completely naked, sprawl his legs out in front of a three-way mirror and jack off to his own reflection with one hand while finger blasting his asshole with the other as he screamed his own name. And I was right! Sort of. Kanye did that in speech form.
Kanye walked out on stage and he rambled out a stream of messiness about calling Taylor Swift, the violence in Chicago, oppression, comparing himself to Steve Jobs and Walt Disney and his wife being a “G” (and in this case “g” stands for GiganticFameWhore). He also shouted out Amber Rose. It was like his Twitter come-to-life, and it was also like the kind of coked-up Ted Talk that makes you tell yourself to never watch a Ted Talk again. Nobody loves hearing Kanye speak (I could stop right there and it’d still be a fact) more than Kanye loves hearing Kanye speak:
And after mess, he played his video for Fade for starring Teyana Taylor. This video is Flashdance wrapped in Janet Jackson’s Pleasure Principle and covered with a thin layer of Cremaster and two thick drops of Jocelyn Wildenstein’s cat saliva.
F A D E https://t.co/IWLWpQmbfh
— K-Boogie™ (@iDntGetCurved_) August 29, 2016
That terrifying “Thundercat on human” shit is the reason why my eyes will stay wide open tonight.
And here’s Kanye with Kim who wore a dress that made her look like she’s got a 3-foot long vagina (“So what you’re saying is that her vagina looked smaller than usual.” – your ass)
The song and video that started the most important and future-scorching clash of pop stars in the 21st century so far is also an art exhibit. Kanye West has displayed those nude, night terror-inducing celebrity figures from the video for “Famous” at a “secret art exhibition” somewhere in Los Angeles. A blonde Kim Kardashian-West attended the show yesterday, along with the one with the modeling career that has nothing to do with nepotism. Kanye was there, too. On a video monitor that he was operating by remote control so he could chat about himself on two coasts at once. In the video on TMZ, it looks like, wait, is it moving? No. NO. Imagine a video Yeezus rolling up at you to complain about how the whore derves look over Skype? *shiver* He’s in NYC to perform his top-secret free-for-all shitshow at the VMAs tomorrow night, but his ego is far too bloated to let Kimmy have all the press at HIS exhibition.