Harper’s Bazaar’s September issue should’ve been called the “Necrophilia Issue,” because that picture has about as much sexiness and charisma as a picture of a crime scene photographer taking a picture of a dead body. No disrespect to crime scene photographers and dead bodies.
The publishers of Harper’s Bazaar are probably going to be hit with a class action lawsuit from subscribers who no longer have eyeballs because that shit rolled out of their faces and out the door while reading the magazine’s Q&A with Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian. It reads like one of those Facebook quizzes filled out by a fart bubble and a queef bubble.
It’s been almost two weeks since Kim Kardashian rinsed the salty blonde victim tears off her husband’s reputation by releasing several Snapchats of a conversation about the song “Famous” between Kanye West and Taylor Swift. And ever since then, there’s been no end to the reminders of the second time Kim took down a snake on camera. Kanye kept the party going last night by reminding everyone at a Drake concert about What Kim Did. You know, in case any of us accidentally got amnesia in the past 12 days and forgot. Thanks, Kanye.
The Daily Mail has thrilling pictures of the diabolical piece of julienned jicama Taylor Swift smiling while walking with Tom Hiddleston in Los Angeles yesterday. Yes, the people of the Gold Coast in Australia can once again leave their homes without a bottle of Pepto on them, because now that Tom and Taylor are gone, they won’t get hit with the heaves while watching those two display their love in a photo-op.
Tom has finished up filming his scenes for Thor 3 in Australia, so he and Taylor are back in California, where they’ll probably spend the next few weeks with a choreographer and a body language expert who will coach them on how to look so naturally in love while posing on the red carpet at the Emmys in September. A source tells E! News that Tom and Tay are still very much together and the entire scandal of her getting exposed as a liar by Kim Kartrashian, of all tricks, didn’t dim the love he has in his heart for her.
Taylor is still painting a thick layer of victim all over herself and thinks that Kimye are just using her for publicity (well, yeah, but pot…kettle). She has vowed to never speak to Kanye again! And Tom has vowed to stand by Taylor forever! A source read from the script that Taylor’s publicist gave them, I mean, spilled out these spontaneous words to E!:
“Tom is not annoyed by the negative media attached to Taylor. He knew that would come with the course of dating her. He has been supporting her and enjoying the time he’s having with her. They’re having a great time and are always laughing.
Taylor and Tom are in love with each other. He told her she is the kind of woman he wants to spend his life with. They have gotten very close. She is enjoying the time off from working. She has been writing during her travels, and Tom has been an inspiration in her music.”
What I’m getting from that statement is that if there is a relationship contract, that shit is no joke and the out clause portion of it probably reads:
ONLY DEATH! BLEHEHEHEHEHEHEE!
It feels like the only thing anyone has wanted to talk about (or more accurately, stop talking about) this week has been the Snapchat war between Kimye and the human snake emoji Taylor Swift. So not surprisingly, 22-year-old Canadian tennis star Eugenie Bouchard was asked about it during a press conference on Tuesday.
TMZ says Eugenie spoke to reporters after she was eliminated at the Citi Open in Washington, D.C. Once reporters got all of the tennis questions out of the way, one of them asked her if she was Team Taylor or Team Kimye. Eugenie is a Canadian person, so I figured her answer to start with a “Pardon?” and end with a couple sorrys before trying to change the subject back to tennis. Instead Eugenie went in on Taylor.
Yesterday, Allison brought us the news from TMZ that Kim Kartrashian probably won’t have to figure out a way to make prison-made Botox out of anus-numbing cream and pen ink from the commissary, because she and Kanye West didn’t commit a felony when they recorded and posted his telephone conversation with Taylor Swift about his song “Famous.” Only “confidential” conversations fall under California’s wiretapping law and since Kanye had Tay Tay on speaker and other people were in the room, it’s apparently not considered “confidential.” But that piece of information hasn’t stopped Taylor from putting together a mock trial, starring her cats and Furby collection, to practice for the day when she sees those whores in court!
Shortly after Kim Kardashian won the hearts of millions on Sunday night by Snapchatting clips of Kanye West’s konversation with Taylor Swift about that lyric in “Famous,” people brought up California’s wiretapping law. There was a chance that Litigious Barbie would sue Kim and Kanye for recording their conversation without her knowledge. There was also a chance that they could face charges.