Reality show harpies Kim and Kyle Richards are being sued by a woman who claims that Kim’s perpetually hungry and/or psychotic dog Kingsley attacked her at Kyle’s house. The Botox-sheened sister “stars” of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills welcomed stylist Paige Sanderson to Kyle’s house to dress Kim for a promotional appearance back in April. Well, it appears as though she should have pulled a bite suit for herself alongside the shoot clothes she borrowed for Kyle to drool wine on. Kingsley, already known for his aggression, allegedly chomped her ass.
Back in August, the little girl from Escape to Witch Mountain starred in Escape to the Target Parking Lot when got caught pushing two cartfuls of junk out of a Target in Van Nuys, CA. Kim Richards, formerly of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, was arrested for stealing over 100 items, totaling around $600. Kim was reportedly living in her car at the time and was back on booze and pills. Kim was sentenced today and don’t worry, the Los Angeles Justice System didn’t break their streak of not sending any famous (or famous-ish) people to jail.
TMZ says that Kim took a plea deal and in exchange for pleading no contest, the judge gave her 300 hours of community service, 3 years probation and she must go to 52 AA meeting. Kim got pretty much the exact same sentence last month after she pleaded no contest to kicking a cop and causing a drunken scene at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Kim got 30 days of community service, 3 years probation and 52 AA meetings.
Get this shit. The judge didn’t add her latest sentence to her last sentence. You’d think that Kim would have to do 300 hours + 30 days of community service and would have to go to 104 AA meetings, but nope. The judge declared that she just has to complete 52 AA meetings and 300 hours of community service.
Now you know that if you’re sort of famous in L.A. and you do some illegal shit, you should go ahead and do some more illegal shit a few weeks later, because the judge will give you a 2 for 1 sentence.
Kim was also banned from the Beverly Hills Hotel and that Target in Van Nuys.
Kim got off easy, except for the “banned from a Target” part. I practically live at Target, which is just sad, so banning me from one would be like elbowing me in the throat while shanking me in the chest. I’d tell that judge that I’ll gladly eat ketchup and cardboard sandwiches in prison and suck a whole lot of dirty jail bird dick if I didn’t get banned from any Target.
But then again, I’d probably have more than a few pennies and a gum wrapper in my savings account if I got banned from Target.
E! News says that after Kim Richards, formerly of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the little blonde girl in Escape to Witch Mountain, was arrested for allegedly committing a low-budget Winona Ryder by stealing cheap crap (more on that in a second) at Target, she spent some time in a hospital for reasons unknown. Kim was later released and was seen out in L.A. on Saturday.
UsWeekly co-signed E!’s story and also said that her family are the ones who urged her to check into the hospital since she’s obviously in a bad, bad way. Radar says that Kim’s family is taking a tip from Daddy Spears’ handbook titled “How To Get Your Loved One Together Before Shit Really Gets Serious” by considering a 5150 hold. Kim recently spent time in rehab and she claimed she was sober, but a source says she’s definitely off the wagon.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Kim Richards, formerly of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, told Entertainment Tonight that she loves being sober and her time in rehab really helped her get right back on the wagon. Well, it looks like the wagon crashed into a Target causing Kim to fly off and land into a pair of handcuffs. TMZ says that Kim was arrested over the weekend after she was accused of stealing $600 worth of stuff from a Target in the Valley. If you’re picturing Kim trying to sneak out of Target with a cartload of booze, her ex-husband Monty wants you to pop that thought bubble right away. Monty tells ET that it’s obviously a big misunderstanding. Monty says that alcohol didn’t play a part in Kim’s alleged theft and her shopping cart was filled with toys.
For those of us who watch the broke down reboot of Dynasty called The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, our ears will no longer be filled with beautiful lines like “That’s because you don’t get your period anymore, bitch!” and “Go change your Depends because you’re so full of shit.” The 7 foot tall melting candlestick of rage known as Brandi Glanville has been pink-slipped by Bravo and will not be a regular on RHoBH next season. Joanna Krupa just laughed the stank right off of her pussy.
E! News says that a source claims that Bravo demoted the blueprint for LeAnn Rimes’ life from full-time Housewife to “friend of the Housewives.” The source says that Bravo dumped Brandi, because she doesn’t get along with any of the other Housewives and working with her is about as fun as taking a dump in a rest stop. Brandi hasn’t decided if she wants to take the demotion yet and this morning, she twatted this up:
I woke up with a sore throat and a HUGE decision to make today! #RHOBH Will let you all know later I promise !!
— Brandi Glanville (@BrandiGlanville) June 18, 2015
Brandi’s sore throat is either from drowning her sorrows with rubbing alcohol after she ran out of wine or it’s from her leaving Andy Cohen a million screaming cunt-filled voicemails.
Apparently, Kylie Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Lisa Rinna and Eileen Davidson are all coming back. Yolanda Foster is dealing with her illness, so she may not come back and Kim Richards has already been dumped in the “Bye, Bitch!” pile.
We all know what’s going to happen next. Since LeAnn Rimes is always two steps behind Brandi, she’ll probably join Real Housemesses of Beverly Hills and eventually release a book called Boozing And Instagramming. That’ll be good for Brandi. Because if LeAnn does the show, she won’t be home as much, which means she won’t notice that Brandi has moved into her guest room after not being able to pay rent.
As Kim Richards of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills gets herself together in a Four Seasons-like rehab facility of luxury that talking used dildo Dr. Phil sent her to, the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office has slapped her with three misdemeanor charges including one count of public intoxication, one count of resisting arrest and one count of battery upon a peace officer. I would say that somebody needs to page Kathy Hilton to tell her to use her connections to keep one of her own out of the clink, but I’m pretty sure Kathy Hilton already used up all her favors on trying to keep her piece of trash kids out of the chokey.
Kim was put into handcuffs last month after she caused a scene at the Polo Lounge inside of The Beverly Hills Hotel while under the influence of the sweet nectar and other mind-altering stuff. Kim locked herself in the bathroom and when the police dragged her out, she kicked one of them. UsWeekly claims that the documents say that Kim was high on “liquor and a drug, a controlled substance, and toluene” at the time of her arrest. If convicted of all charges, Kim could be sitting in prison for two and a half years. If Kim Richards actually gets sentenced to two and a half years in prison (shit, if she gets sentenced to two and a half hours in prison), Pimp Mama Kris better start collecting Khlozilla’s waxed-off back hair scraps, because she’s going to need to make an extra warm jacket to send to her maker Lucifer since Hell would have frozen over.