Kid Rock Has Allegedly Been Having An Affair With Julie Andrews’ Granddaughter For The Past 10 Years
If you thought “Kid Rock’s Glass Dildo Has Been Subpoenaed In The Insane Clown Posse Harassment Lawsuit” was going to be the most bonkers Kid Rock headline you’d read today you’d be, well, I guess you’d be right but today’s news comes in a close second. Kid Rock has reportedly been having a secret decade long affair with Julie Andrews’ (yes, THE Julie Andrews) granddaughter. InTouch has the exclusive on the affair between the engaged rapper/singer/politician/rodeo clown school dropout KR, and 41 year old Kayti Edwards whose actual granny is Mary Poppins.
After Donald Trump kind of ruined Election Night by winning the whole thing, political careers have been floated by everyone from Kanye West to The Rock. Kid Rock was even rumored to run for Senate, but just before we could assume Joe Rogan from Fear Factor would take over the Supreme Court, Kid put icy cold water on his political ambition. Continue reading
Because the late 2010s are a time of insanity and confusion, the patron saint of trailer parks is running an unofficial campaign for Senate. (Hold on, let me take a shot to soothe my nerves, cuz’ that’s some bullshit). Unfortunately for the demolition derby aficionados out there, Kid Rock’s political aspirations hit a brief snag this week when he was accused of a campaign finance violation. UsWeekly reports that Mr. Rock’s response to the allegation was as calm and measured as you’d expect from any political candidate. Continue reading
A few weeks ago, Kid Rock begged us for attention by announcing he might run for Senate in Michigan. Nobody was really sure if he was serious, or if he was just trying to move merch. He launched a website and coquettishly teased his intentions. Well Kid Rock is still being coy. He won’t put out, but he’ll let you touch his breasts (over the shirt).
Anthropomorphized shit stain Kid Rock is maybe running for U.S. Senate in his home state of Michigan, because why not, the promised idiocracy is already here. Hot on the heels of the news that the nation’s preferred Rock, The Rock, is planning a 2020 presidential run, the lesser Rock, Kid, posted this to Twitter:
— Kid Rock (@KidRock) July 12, 2017
Two weeks ago, human TruckNutz Kid Rock received a subpoena in his mail box (which is probably shaped like a stripper wearing a Budweiser bikini) asking him to relinquish the glass dildo he received from former Insane Clown Posse employee “Dirty Dan” Diamond so it can be used as evidence in the harassment lawsuit between ICP and their former publicist. The subpoena stated that Kid Rock had 14 days to say his tearful goodbyes and hand over the glass dildo to a court of law. However, its been 14 days and still no sign of the missing glass dildo. Why? Because according to Kid Rock, there is no glass dildo (at least at his house), and he’s pissed off that his good name was ever dragged into this mess.
Kid Rock didn’t have a dildo to return, but he still wanted ICP’s lawyers to get fucked, so he took to his website and wrote two beautifully eloquent letters titled “All Parties Involved in This ICP Glass Dildo Case Can Shove One Up Their Ass: Kid Rock Responds”. They’re both long and hard (like a glass dildo), so I’ve hidden them after the cut.