Khloe Kardashian used to be known as the bigger Kardashian (that honor now goes to Rob), but she has since shrunk over the past few years. You too could look like Khloe, but not all of us have the money or time for a diet rich in surgery and Photoshop. Good news! You can also achieve Khloe’s results with what you put into your body. No, not pro athlete dicks. I’m talking about food.
I wish I could say this was a story about the person who convinced Khloe Kardashian to transfer that much fat into her booty, but this is about an entirely different, less obvious scam. Last Thursday, Khloe took to Twitter to call out a friend for allegedly stealing from her.
If they really wanted to go crazy with their levels of security, they’d post that picture of Pimp Mama Kris at their front door. PMK’s gaze in that picture can turn almost anything to stone!
When Kim Kardashian returned to the U.S. after getting robbed at gunpoint in Paris, she had an army of security guards following her. Pimp Mama Kris tells UsWeekly that they’ve upped their security even more, and I guess that means that Kendall Jenner is keeping her opulent jewels in a place that’s more secure than a jewelry box, like in a pair of Rob Kartrashian-designed socks or under a pile of Tyga CDs. You know, places where no one wants to go.
Pour some FitTea on the ground in remembrance and wrap yourself in a sasquatch fur blanket for comfort and support, because Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom officially (OFFICIALLY!) filed for divorce in L.A. on Friday.
Phew! Now Blac Chyna can get back to more important things, like negotiating the details of her contracts with E! for Rob & Chyna Get Married and Chyna Takes Rob To Buy Sweatpants.
Earlier this week we learned that Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian awoke from their Botoxed slumber to sic their lawyers on Blac Chyna’s application to trademark the name “Angela Renee Kardashian.” It was claimed that trademarking the name Angela Kardashian™ was a blatant cash grab and that it would tarnish Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe’s “goodwill and popularity.” Clearly Kris Jenner saw everyone laughing hard at how HOpocritical that sounded, because TMZ says the lawyers have been called off.
TMZ has been told that Kris Jenner personally told Chyna that there’s no hard feelings and blamed the drama on the lawyers. Sources close to Blac Chyna say that Kim & Ko. also reached out to her and claimed their lawyers were just following protocol. Their lawyers have been instructed to block anyone trying to trademark the Kardashian name, thus leading to Chyna’s application getting flagged.
Blac Chyna’s trademark application is still pending, which means there’s a chance it could end up getting approved. And once it’s approved, it’s only a matter of seconds before you see a line of Get Paid with Angela Kardashian™ instructional DVDs (Vol. 1: Put Your Uteru$$ To Work) and Angela Kardashian™ No-Flip Silicone Butt Implants at a discount store near you.
Uh oh, do you hear that? That low rumbling sound that tells you there’s a disturbance in the fame whore force? I believe that sound is caused by Kim and Khloe Kardashian angrily bouncing their Hoppy Ball butts down to their lawyer’s office while Kourtney Kardashian trails half a mile behind them (she gets distracted in the outside).