Just one more Kartrashian pregnancy and we’ve got ourselves The Four Horsemen….Unless one of them is pregnant with twins. SANTO DIOS!
The toilet that Ian Somerhalder flushed Nikki Reed’s birth control pills down must’ve been nowhere near Calabasas. Because there’s something in the water in fame whore ground zero and it’s not birth control pills. (It’s the fertile seed of Satan that Pimp Mama Kris puts into the water bottles of every one of her koven members.) UsWeekly, People and TMZ all say that yet another junior koven member is growing inside the body of another Kartrashian and this time it’s Khlozilla. The wombs belonging to Kendull Jenner and The Slow One must be feeling a lot of pressure from PMK, because all they need to do is get a fetus in them, and then all of her girls will be pregnant, and then she’ll be able to take over the world with her army. Blehehehehehe!
It’s hard to believe, but it’s been a solid ten years since our screens weren’t dominated by nasal-voiced broads hawking lip plumper and eyelash extensions. The Hollywood Reporter is out with a biblical-length profile titled “The Kardashian Decade” entailing all the behind the scenes dish on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. The serious cover, nude-colored wardrobes and the fact that the whole thing blurts “KIM IS MAKE-UP FREE! ALERT THE TOWN CRIER” in the first three sentences are supposed to make us think this is Raw! Unscripted! Real! Kar! Dash!
The fact that it looks like Kris Jenner’s head was photoshopped onto her body makes us realize this is business as usual. Continue reading
Blac Chyna, Lamar Odom, Tyga, and Bella Thorne were all at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel Wednesday night, and, no, it wasn’t because there was a $4.99 buffet. I checked. Entertainment Tonight says Blac was there for something called an iGO.live launch, which apparently is some sort of streaming service… girl, that just sounds like a faster way to spread revenge porn- not exactly something these four horsemen of the apocalypse should want promoted!
Khloe Kardashian used to be known as the bigger Kardashian (that honor now goes to Rob), but she has since shrunk over the past few years. You too could look like Khloe, but not all of us have the money or time for a diet rich in surgery and Photoshop. Good news! You can also achieve Khloe’s results with what you put into your body. No, not pro athlete dicks. I’m talking about food.
I wish I could say this was a story about the person who convinced Khloe Kardashian to transfer that much fat into her booty, but this is about an entirely different, less obvious scam. Last Thursday, Khloe took to Twitter to call out a friend for allegedly stealing from her.
If they really wanted to go crazy with their levels of security, they’d post that picture of Pimp Mama Kris at their front door. PMK’s gaze in that picture can turn almost anything to stone!
When Kim Kardashian returned to the U.S. after getting robbed at gunpoint in Paris, she had an army of security guards following her. Pimp Mama Kris tells UsWeekly that they’ve upped their security even more, and I guess that means that Kendall Jenner is keeping her opulent jewels in a place that’s more secure than a jewelry box, like in a pair of Rob Kartrashian-designed socks or under a pile of Tyga CDs. You know, places where no one wants to go.