Americans are always down for some Netflix and fucking chill, which is probably why Russian internet trolls got their schooling on American Politics 101 from House Of Cards. Reporter Michael Isikoff of Yahoo! reports that Russians in a St. Petersburg “troll factory” (is that where they make those doll inside a doll inside a doll inside a…yeah, you get the point) watched hours of Robin Wright in a fierce pencil skirts and Kevin Spacey dig deep and channel a swarthy, sexually ambiguous asshole to write messages to make us all hate the government. Silly Russians, they could have just written reminders about Tax Day to do that.
John Travolta’s wig tamers better Super Glue, Gorilla Glue, and cement glue his hair to his head, because Kevin Spacey is trying to snatch that shit and take the crown. Nobody can beat John Travolta’s flawless man wig game, but Kevin is giving him a run for his lace front.
At today’s London premiere of Baby Driver (and, I’m still fucking pissed it’s not a Latarian Milton biopic), Kevin Spacey worked that rug on his head and he didn’t even care that the hawks flying above were seconds away from swooping in after mistaking it for a squirrel in distress. Kevin also worked it for the cameras even though his makeup person did him wrong by not blending his face paint all the way. Kevin didn’t only wear the best hair at the Baby Driver premiere, he also wore the best ensemble.
Kevin’s co-stars (Jon Hamm, Ansel Elgort, Jamie Foxx, Lily James and Eiza Gonzalez) all wore stuffy outfits from the House of Boring, while Kevin went full mid-life crisis daddy chic. It looks like his twink friends (or the new Ken dolls) took him to Macy’s and gave him a totally hip and fresh makeover. That IS the look. And I bet that at the after-party for Baby Driver, Kevin went up to Ansel and Lily at the bar and said, “Issa ’bout to be savage ay eff tonight, sis!”
During an interview with The Hollywood Reporter a few years ago, Kevin Spacey made it sound like he’s never going to officially come out about how his tongue gets the tingles for twink ass. But while hosting the Tonys last night, Kevin made jokes about being a permanent resident of the glass closet. I guess Kevin Spacey farting out gay jokes while dressed in Norma Desmond drag (which looked more like low-budget Walter Mercado drag) at the Tonys is the closest he’ll ever get to waving goodbye at fellow polyester wig master John Travolta as he strolls out of the closet.
After Everyone In The World Turned The Job Down, Kevin Spacey Has Been Chosen As This Year’s Tonys Host
Kevin Spacey’s name trended on Twitter today and some thought that he either checked out of the glass closet or checked into the afterworld. It’s neither. The Tony people announced today that on June 11th, Kevin Spacey will take the stage at Radio City Music Hall to host what’s arguably the Gay Super Bowl. I say arguably, because I’m not sure if that title belongs to the Oscars, the RuPaul’s Drag Race season finale or whenever Showgirls comes on premium cable. It’s the latter for me, obviously.
There’s a phenomena in the entertainment industry called
the Scientology Celebrity Centre “the glass closet” wherein everybody knows an entertainer is gay, but the entertainer in question doesn’t acknowledge it. Jodie Foster used to store her pantsuits in there. It’s also where John Travolta keeps his massage oils and fold-out table just in case the guy delivering room service is hot.
Millions of us probably shouted, “Git it, Kevi,” tonight when the Emmys cut to Kevin Spacey sitting in the audience with the lost Hanson brother who ran off to Amish country where he sings and plays guitar every Thursday night in a cold brew coffee shop there.
Kevin Spacey was nominated for the 869th time for House of Cards and sitting next to him was a dude who gave me “Johnny Depp’s stylist” vibes. And sitting behind them were some people who were cursing Kevin’s seat mate out for blocking their view with that douche helmet on his head.
Since random is always finding a way to redefine itself, Kevin’s date is 42-year-old Evan Lowenstein, who made up one-half of the twin brothers pop duo Evan and Jaron. Evan and Jaron did that song that repeatedly fucked our ears raw in the year 2000. I’m going to apologize in advance for putting this in your head again:
Buzzfeed says that Evan doesn’t really do music shit anymore. He’s a manager and he manages Kevin Spacey, which is why they went to the Emmys together. The only thing more random than Evan from Evan and Jaron being Kevin Spacey’s Emmys date is Evan from Evan and Jaron being Kevin Spacey’s manager. I really hope that “early aughts music trick turned manager of a Netflix star” becomes a thing, because I really want one of the dudes from LFO to be Lily Tomlin’s manager.
And here’s Kevin and his manager friend strolling through Milan together last March: