The Billboard Music Awards were last night and if the red carpet is any indication, it lived up to it’s name because most stars looked as bored as can be. With very few exceptions, most of the night’s looks were uninspired and devoid of whimsy. Nick Jonas (above) looks like he just showed up for his shift at Applebees and still needs to go get his flair from his locker and take a quick shot at the bar before getting started. He’ll be with you in a minute, ok?
The Grammys attempted to have their own Time’s Up/#MeToo moment last night; instead of pins or wearing black, some people wore or posed with white roses to symbolize “hope, peace, sympathy and resistance.” Kesha took the symbolism one step further by performing “Fuck You, Dr. Luke” (real title: “Praying“) amid a sea of white-clad backup singers. Some of them famous enough to make the audience at home think, “Hey, wait a minute…is that?”
The nominations for the 60th Grammy awards were announced this morning, and Jay-Z led with eight nominations. I suppose you could say that Jay-Z is the Beyoncé of this year’s Grammys? Although she actually got one this year too, for Best Rap/Sung Performance. I’m sure it’s a big day in the Knowles Carter house. Congratulations on your Grammy nomination, Beyonce! And also, you know, good job on all the ones you got today too, Jay-Z.
The year is 2017, and I’ll be honest, I can’t remember the last time someone has called my phone, besides the relentless credit collector who swears I owe $437 on an old phone bill. Everyone texts. Hell, some people communicate solely through Instagram comments. But apparently Kesha still uses her phone to call people. One of the people who picks up the phone, rather than stare blankly at the screen while wondering why someone is calling them, is her famous friend Taylor Swift.
There was so much fashion fuckery at the MTV VMAs last night, I barely know where to begin! If the Teen Choice Awards are the Middle School dance of awards shows, then the VMA’s are the Junior Prom at an alternative performing arts magnet school. Since it’s high school, I’ll be announcing the winners and losers in several categories. The first category is Most Obvious Genitalia, and that award goes to none other than Nicki Minaj.
The ongoing legal Battle Royale taking place between talk-singing pop songstress Kesha and scruffy alleged perv Dr. Luke is quickly transforming into the most depressing concert ever. And now, after being subpoenaed last month, Lady Gaga has been added to the roster to shake and shimmy in the courtroom. Gaga was unsure of when she’d be deposed, but now sources can confirm that her headlining act at Fuckery Fest 2017 will be taking place sometime in September.