When Anna Chlumsky came strolling up the red carpet of the Emmys last night in an ensemble Michael accurately described as looking very bed in a bag, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone in a set of deluxe full/queen sheets sashayed behind her. And that person was Kristen Bell. To be honest, I don’t know who hit the red carpet first, Kristen or Anna. It’s a real “Which came first, the sheets or the duvet” situation.
Regardless, Kristen is doing just as much for me as Anna’s look was. Maybe more, actually, because I’ve always loved a printed bed sheet. I don’t know if everyone did this, but when I was a kid, I used to make my bed with my sheets pattern-side-down. That way, when I made my bed and pulled back my comforter, you got a subtle hint of my elegant bed linens (ie. my Little Mermaid sheets). I felt so classy, like “I bet this is how Margo from Punky Brewster does her bed.” But while I love Kristen’s expensive floral sheet dress, I don’t know if many of us would want to sleep on it. I think I see beading, and I’m pretty sure none of us would want to roll over in the middle of the night and land cheek-first on a cluster of sharp glass beads.
Of course, the cherry on top of a formal bedding situation has got to be the useless satin runner that lives at the foot of the bed. Luckily, Sarah Hyland has got us covered.
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.
As you can see from the picture above, Kerry Washington was giving a master class in pregnancy distraction technique at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday night. Purse in front of stomach? Check. Bright lipstick to draw attention away from stomach? Check. Unnecessary ruffle to draw eyes away from stomach in the event the makeup wasn’t distracting enough? Check. Dress that looks like it was made from Vantablack to kill even the slightest hint of a bump? Check? Even if she wasn’t trying to hide a pregnancy, it sure as hell looked like it.
According to E! News, Kerry Washington actually was working that baby-hiding game on Saturday night, because she’s got a baby in her. Two sources have confirmed to E! that Kerry is expecting her second child with her husband of almost 3 years, Nnamdi Asomugha. Well, that’s one way to silence the divorce rumors for a while. Kerry and Nnamdi already have a 2-year-old daughter named Isabelle Amarachi.
Kerry is all about putting her pointer finger to her lips and going “Ssshhhhh” when it comes to her personal life. She kept her wedding a secret and she kept the birth of her first kid a secret too. So who knows when or if she’ll announce that she’s pregnant. Kerry is supposed to show up at the Met Gala this evening. Maybe she’ll do the hand-on-bump pose (aka Hollywood’s favorite way to confirm a pregnancy) on the red carpet. Or maybe she’ll try to keep things quiet by hiding behind a lamp the whole night, who knows. There’s also no word on whether or not Kerry’s pregnancy will be written into Scandal. But if Shonda Rhimes decides not to write it in, there’s a chance Scandal’s 6th season could be delayed.
For now though, it appears that she’s letting her purses do the talking for her. Here’s Kerry with a giant red purse over her stomach area at Good Morning America this morning.
Photoshopping the faces and bodies of famous people is a tricky business. Some famous people, like Lena Dunham or Kate Winslet, will slap a bitch for retouching their pictures too much. Others, like Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, or the Kween of the Liquefy Tool herself Kim Kardashian, won’t sign off on a Photoshop job until the person in the picture looks like the Total Drama Island version of themselves. Last week, Kerry Washington sort-of came out as a member of Team No Photoshop when she called out a picture of herself on the cover of Adweek looking not a whole lot like Kerry Washington. And now Kerry wants to clarify her own Photoshop beliefs.
UsWeekly says Kerry spoke about her Adweek Photoshop incident at Oprah Winfrey’s SuperSoul Session conference on Saturday. According to Kerry, she’s not here for Photoshop work that makes people wonder who they’re looking at. However, she is still here for the kind that makes your face look like you haven’t been binge watching old episodes of Blind Date on YouTube till 3am.
“I want to be really honest. Photoshopping is not the devil. It’s not all horrible. I’ve had days where I show up to the cover of a magazine and I’m in a more hormonal moment of the month and I may have a big red dot [on my forehead]. When I had comments last week about a cover that I felt uncomfortable with, the response was like, ‘You don’t need anything’ and I was like, ‘Honey, I need something sometimes.’ And a wrinkle in the dress, you want to smooth that out — that’s great.”
She adds that the Adweek thing was a whole lot different than just smoothing out some wrinkles, because she “didn’t recognize” the person on the cover. Okay, but to be fair, it might not have been the photo editor’s fault. There were so many busy patterns going on in that picture that they probably got hypnotized and fell into a catatonic state. But they still had a deadline to meet, so their brain went into famous person picture retouching autopilot. “Is it a famous person? Check. Will I be applying every filter and blur tool known to Adobe? Check. Do we know who it is anymore? Nope! But I’m sure they’ll let us know on social media when the issue comes out.“
Ever since Kerry Washington got secret-married to former NFL player Nnamdi Asomugha back in 2013, there have been near-constant whispers that their relationship has been traveling down a not-so-secret road to a divorce. Since the “Kerry Washington marriage SCANDAL!” rumor is clearly never going to die, Kerry Washington decided to talk about it. Sort of.
Kerry got into her personal life during a lecture called The New Rules of Social Stardom at the SXSW festival in Austin, TX on Sunday (via UsWeekly) after an audience member asked her about the interest in celebrities and social media. According to Kerry, social media is great if you want to prove the haters wrong. Like if you’re Kim Kardashian, you throw up some videos that make it look like you totally spend time with your kids. However, Kerry wants you to know she’s not about sharing her life with strangers, and therefore you’ll never see her denying that she’s getting a divorce on Twitter.
“If I don’t talk about my personal life, it means I don’t talk about my personal life. That means not only did I not tell you when I was getting married, it also means if somebody has rumors about what’s going on in my marriage, I don’t refute them, because I don’t talk about my personal life.”
Kerry takes the “personal” part of her personal life very seriously. She also kept the birth of their 1-year-old daughter, Isabelle, a secret. So who knows? Maybe she’s already divorced, and we’ll only hear about it when she makes the dreams of Scandal fanfiction writers come true by getting secret-married to President Grant. But really, Kerry is smart. Why take precious time out of your busy schedule to talk about your relationship when you could let the Blind Items do the work for you?
When I saw Alicia Vikander (now Academy Award Winner Alicia Vikander) stroll down the red carpet last night, it gave me a massive nostalgia high. A lot of people probably did, thanks to Alicia’s Beauty and the Beast realness. But gazing upon that pale yellow poofy Louis Vuitton dress instantly whooshed me back to memories of playing a game called Beautiful Lady in my childhood bedroom. The rules of Beautiful Lady were simple: look like a beautiful lady. Usually I would play it safe and throw on a Dress n’ Dazzle 3-in-1 Glamour Gown and my exquisite Burger King ThunderCats ring. But if I wanted to look extra beautiful, I’d pull the fitted sheet off my bed and make a stunning ballgown.
I liked to use the fitted sheet because it was far more glamorous and show-stopping than the flat sheet. It puffed out at the bottom, and as everyone knew in the 80s, puffy = instant sophistication. It was dead easy – I’d just wrap it around my waist and fasten it with a banana clip. Then I’d throw on my “wig” (a pair of black nylons) and wait for the flattery to roll in. Alicia clearly knows that Beautiful Lady is always the look, because she made sure to pair her bedsheet dress with flat-on-top/long-in-the-back hair too. Although I don’t think her jewelry came from Burger King. If I had to guess, it’s probably some cheap crap from Harry Winston or something.
Alicia wasn’t the only one who was giving me flashbacks to my homemade fashion years. Kate Winslet also took me for a walk down memory lane.