Natalie Portman is currently knocked up with her second kid, so I can see why she’d want to show up to the Critics’ Choice Awards last night wearing your auntie’s two best tablecloths as a dress. When you’re shuffling down a red carpet for two, your number one priority is comfort. Your legs are tired, your arms are tired, your stomach looks like the overstuffed backpack of an airplane passenger that refuses to check a bag. Sometimes you just want to wear a cape-thing and call it a night.
Natalie took home the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress for her Jackie. I like to think Natalie kept with the throwback theme and her ensemble was an homage to 1960s maternity wear. Based on years of research (Joan and Betty’s pregnancies on Mad Men), I believe if you got knocked up in the 1960s you were legally required to dress like a deflated shower gel pouf.
It wasn’t all floaty-fabric capes. There were also floaty-fabric robes too.
Good news for the set dressers and prop department people on Scandal today: you no longer have to worry about coming up with hilariously bad ways to hide Olivia Pope’s pregnants stomach. E! News says that Kerry Washington has given birth to her second child with her retired football-playing husband Nnamdi Asomugha.
Just like the first time she gave birth and the time she got married, Kerry kept the birth of her second baby a bit of a secret. Kerry and Nnamdi have a 2-year-old daughter Isabelle Amarachi. E! says they welcomed a son on October 5th. Kerry’s been very private about her personal life, so we probably won’t ever see Kerry posing with her new baby working a “I Love My Auntie Shonda” onesie in the pages of People.
The only other information E! knows about Kerry and Nnamdi’s new baby is that they named him Caleb Kelechi. I can already see the die-hard Kerry Washington/Tony Goldwyn secret relationship conspiracy theorists working overtime to prove the real paternity of Baby Caleb. “If you erase part of the G to make it a C, change the o to an a, reverse the lower-case d, and throw in some letters from Kerry’s first name…oh my god, Caleb! I knew it, it’s totally his.”
When Anna Chlumsky came strolling up the red carpet of the Emmys last night in an ensemble Michael accurately described as looking very bed in a bag, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone in a set of deluxe full/queen sheets sashayed behind her. And that person was Kristen Bell. To be honest, I don’t know who hit the red carpet first, Kristen or Anna. It’s a real “Which came first, the sheets or the duvet” situation.
Regardless, Kristen is doing just as much for me as Anna’s look was. Maybe more, actually, because I’ve always loved a printed bed sheet. I don’t know if everyone did this, but when I was a kid, I used to make my bed with my sheets pattern-side-down. That way, when I made my bed and pulled back my comforter, you got a subtle hint of my elegant bed linens (ie. my Little Mermaid sheets). I felt so classy, like “I bet this is how Margo from Punky Brewster does her bed.” But while I love Kristen’s expensive floral sheet dress, I don’t know if many of us would want to sleep on it. I think I see beading, and I’m pretty sure none of us would want to roll over in the middle of the night and land cheek-first on a cluster of sharp glass beads.
Of course, the cherry on top of a formal bedding situation has got to be the useless satin runner that lives at the foot of the bed. Luckily, Sarah Hyland has got us covered.
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.
As you can see from the picture above, Kerry Washington was giving a master class in pregnancy distraction technique at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday night. Purse in front of stomach? Check. Bright lipstick to draw attention away from stomach? Check. Unnecessary ruffle to draw eyes away from stomach in the event the makeup wasn’t distracting enough? Check. Dress that looks like it was made from Vantablack to kill even the slightest hint of a bump? Check? Even if she wasn’t trying to hide a pregnancy, it sure as hell looked like it.
According to E! News, Kerry Washington actually was working that baby-hiding game on Saturday night, because she’s got a baby in her. Two sources have confirmed to E! that Kerry is expecting her second child with her husband of almost 3 years, Nnamdi Asomugha. Well, that’s one way to silence the divorce rumors for a while. Kerry and Nnamdi already have a 2-year-old daughter named Isabelle Amarachi.
Kerry is all about putting her pointer finger to her lips and going “Ssshhhhh” when it comes to her personal life. She kept her wedding a secret and she kept the birth of her first kid a secret too. So who knows when or if she’ll announce that she’s pregnant. Kerry is supposed to show up at the Met Gala this evening. Maybe she’ll do the hand-on-bump pose (aka Hollywood’s favorite way to confirm a pregnancy) on the red carpet. Or maybe she’ll try to keep things quiet by hiding behind a lamp the whole night, who knows. There’s also no word on whether or not Kerry’s pregnancy will be written into Scandal. But if Shonda Rhimes decides not to write it in, there’s a chance Scandal’s 6th season could be delayed.
For now though, it appears that she’s letting her purses do the talking for her. Here’s Kerry with a giant red purse over her stomach area at Good Morning America this morning.
Photoshopping the faces and bodies of famous people is a tricky business. Some famous people, like Lena Dunham or Kate Winslet, will slap a bitch for retouching their pictures too much. Others, like Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, or the Kween of the Liquefy Tool herself Kim Kardashian, won’t sign off on a Photoshop job until the person in the picture looks like the Total Drama Island version of themselves. Last week, Kerry Washington sort-of came out as a member of Team No Photoshop when she called out a picture of herself on the cover of Adweek looking not a whole lot like Kerry Washington. And now Kerry wants to clarify her own Photoshop beliefs.
UsWeekly says Kerry spoke about her Adweek Photoshop incident at Oprah Winfrey’s SuperSoul Session conference on Saturday. According to Kerry, she’s not here for Photoshop work that makes people wonder who they’re looking at. However, she is still here for the kind that makes your face look like you haven’t been binge watching old episodes of Blind Date on YouTube till 3am.
“I want to be really honest. Photoshopping is not the devil. It’s not all horrible. I’ve had days where I show up to the cover of a magazine and I’m in a more hormonal moment of the month and I may have a big red dot [on my forehead]. When I had comments last week about a cover that I felt uncomfortable with, the response was like, ‘You don’t need anything’ and I was like, ‘Honey, I need something sometimes.’ And a wrinkle in the dress, you want to smooth that out — that’s great.”
She adds that the Adweek thing was a whole lot different than just smoothing out some wrinkles, because she “didn’t recognize” the person on the cover. Okay, but to be fair, it might not have been the photo editor’s fault. There were so many busy patterns going on in that picture that they probably got hypnotized and fell into a catatonic state. But they still had a deadline to meet, so their brain went into famous person picture retouching autopilot. “Is it a famous person? Check. Will I be applying every filter and blur tool known to Adobe? Check. Do we know who it is anymore? Nope! But I’m sure they’ll let us know on social media when the issue comes out.“