Keeping Up With The Kardashians premiered last night, and, no, dem babies weren’t mentioned. Pimp Mama Kris is a grower and not a shower, so instead we got the real tea on Kendall Jenner’s Pepsi commercial as a starter to tide us over until we get the unholy trinity pregnancy presumably later in the season.
Kendall Jenner, one of Victoria’s more recent secrets, is skipping the 2017 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show because she has skankier panties to fry and a bigger cash to check. TMZ says expensive underwear company La Perla is tossing millions at Kendall to work her America’s Next Top Model third-episode-of-the-season-caliber modeling into their britches, and that shit comes with a non-compete! So no more Vicky for Kenny, which is a shame because it’s the one night of the year people younger than 900 tune into CBS.
While I’m not surprised La Perla has a non-compete clause, I am surprised they have their French lace panties in a wad thinking Victoria’s Secret is actual competition. Every time I walk by a La Perla, I get anxious thinking they make you take an AP French exam before they let you try on a thong. Meanwhile, I see Victoria’s Secret more often than not slumming it in the corner of a mall next to Old Navy! Check out Kendall’s first Le Perla post below:
This leaves thwacking Ariana Grande with angel wings and playing the “How long can you walk down a runway with a pout while Leonardo DiCaprio wolf whistles from the sideline” game to the likes of Gigi and Bella Hadid and perpetual angel Adriana Lima. I’m also sure Kendall realized Taylor Swift has an album to push, so she would naturally be there. Tay and Leo both view that shit as open hunting season for squad members and girlfriends. Get out while you can, K!
Yes, of this decade. Yes, of this Earth’s decade. Yes, the Kendall Jenner you know from that semi-plastic reality television family. And no, today’s date is not April 1st. Don’t worry, I too had to double-check and make sure they weren’t talking about some charismatic alien fashion icon from a future universe that was also named Kendall Jenner.
Kendall Jenner has been in the heat for allegedly not leaving a tip on a $24 bar tab at Brooklyn bar Baby’s All Right. The bar took to Instagram because, well, it’s a Kardashian-ish person, and I’m pretty sure Snapchat and Instagram are the only way they communicate.
Considering it was a bar in Brooklyn, and A$AP Rocky was performing, I would normally understand fleeing the scene and haphazardly forgetting to leave a tip because that many hipsters in close-knit quarters gives me the shakes. But Kendall tweeted how she left dollah dollah bills, the bar deleted their original post, and things seemed to cool down… only they DIDN’T!
Kendall Jenner has been caught up in another tipping scandal. Back in 2014, she was accused of throwing money in a waitress’s face. This time, a Brooklyn bar has publicly accused Kendall of failing to leave a tip on a $24 bar tab. According to Eater:
Williamsburg bar Baby’s All Right has blasted model Kendall Jenner on Instagram, posting a receipt that shows the Kardashian spawn allegedly left no tip on her $24 bill.
Kendall #tooktotwitter (it’s been a minute, right? Feels good, but somehow still not trending) to defend her honor (can you do that if you’re already in the hole for a million honor points?) claiming to have tipped in cash.
damn, i guess next time we won't tip in cash https://t.co/iZ4tFt3pg7
— Kendall (@KendallJenner) August 8, 2017
The bar has already deleted the original post, but as we know, there are no take backs on social media. I honestly don’t know which is worse: A Brooklyn bar that attracts the likes of Kendall Jenner, or Kendall Jenner.
I don’t want to be within 100 feet of either. Eater reports that Kendall was at Baby’s All Right (which serves Korean fusion and has a bottomless brunch *hard eye roll*) because her maybe boyfriend A$AP Rocky was performing a record release party there later in the evening. Seems like a real petty thing for the bar to do, given the piddly amount of the tab. Whomever posted that is either a colossal asshole, or more likely, the bar was looking for a quick hit of that sweet, sweet Kardashian publicity. But as the saying goes; lay with dogs, wake up with fleas. Kendall has got fleas, ticks, mange and bed bugs and Baby’s All Right will likely have to fumigate.
That memory you have from yesterday of you deep throating two charbroiled hot dogs as your friend lit a sparkler that was stuck in your asshole in the name of freedom is just a figment of your imagination. That didn’t happen, because Fourth of July didn’t happen. There were no fireworks. There were no BBQs. There was no family party where your auntie got drunk on Svedka and La Vie (aka Aldi’s bootleg La Croix) while dropping it low on the concrete patio to Night Ranger’s (You Can Still Rock) In America. None of that happened yesterday because Fourth of July got canceled since it seems like Taylor Swift didn’t throw her annual Taymerica extravaganza. Every bald eagle is probably drowning in a puddle of their own tears while in the fetal position on the ground somewhere.