Kelsey Grammer Is A Dad For The Seventh Time

I might need to book an appointment with a memory specialist, because I could have sworn I had just written about Kelsey Grammer’s sixth kid. But that was two years ago, and in that time, one of Fraiser’s 61-year-old sperms got up into his 36-year-old wife Kayte Grammer’s business and successfully knocked her up. Kelsey’s rep confirmed to Entertainment Tonight that their third child (and his seventh) was born on Monday. If only we were all lucky enough to hear Kelsey Grammer’s liquid Xanax voice when we emerged from the womb.

Kelsey’s latest kid is a 7lb boy named Auden James Ellis Grammer. ET says Auden James Ellis, who will go by James, was named after poet W.H. Auden, James Taylor, and Kayte’s great-grandfather. Kelsey’s rep says they’re all “doing great.” Baby James Grammer joins a 4-year-old sister Faith, a 2-year-old brother Kelsey Jr., and four half-brothers and sisters ranging in age from 33 to 12.

I know actors aren’t the characters they play, but damn if Kelsey Grammer isn’t turning out to be the exact opposite of Dr. Frasier Crane. If I had to picture Frasier at 61, the remainder of his hair would start falling out after watching his grown son Frederick spill vape refill liquid all over his acacia wood coffee table. Meanwhile, Kelsey at 61 is elbow-deep in diapers and Baby Mum-Mum rice crackers. Kelsey loves being a dad so much. I bet he wears those hemmed jean shorts from Costco and white New Balances and dreams of trading in his Mercedes C-Class for a teal-colored Dodge Caravan. Frasier Crane would be truly horrified.

Pic: Wenn.com

Kelsey Grammer Is Now The Father To Six Kids

Even though Kelsey Grammer is technically old enough to start picking out lanais to which to retire to with a cold glass of unsweetened sun tea and scratching his balls all day, he’s once again putting it on hold for finding soggy Cheerios mashed into the carpet and making plastic poo sausages in the Diaper Genie. Kelsey confirmed to ET that his 34-year-old wife Kayte gave birth to his sixth child on Tuesday, a little boy they’ve named Kelsey Gabriel Elias Grammer, adding:

“Our son will be called Gabriel as there is a tradition in our family of going by our middle names. We are blessed and excited to have this lovely young man join our family — he is magnificent!”

Hands up if you read the words “he is magnificent” in the smooth baritone voice of Sideshow Bob.

Even though Kelsey has six kids, he’s really only an honorary member of the K-Fed Club. Kelsey didn’t just start popping off pepaw nuts in the past couple of years à la Kevin Federline: Kelsey also has a 2-year-old daughter with Kayte, two children with elegant Beverly Hills freesia blossom Camille Grammer, as well as two adult daughters from two previous relationships.

Congrats to virile pepaw Kelsey Grammer, congrats to his wife Kayte, and congrats to lucky baby Gabriel, who gets to hear Goodnight Moon read to him every night by the relaxing, hypnotic voice of Dr. Frasier Crane.

Kelsey Grammer And Kayte Walsh Are Really Trying To Get That Parents Of The Year Award

Kelsey Grammer and his child bride Kayte Walsh got a little hate a few weeks ago for taking their 3-month-old baby Faith to a Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion. Kelsey said that Kayte is breastfeeding and they don’t have a sitter, so Faith goes everywhere they go. I didn’t think anything of it, because Faith wasn’t the only baby at the Playboy Mansion. A drooling, breast-obsessed mound of human wrinkles owns the place. I’m sure Faith and Hef got burped next to each other.

Kelsey and Kayte are getting more hate today, because they drove away from LAX without putting their baby in a car seat. TMZ has video of Kayte and Kelsey getting into a chauffeured SUV. Kayte realizes that there’s no car seat in the backseat, but she gets in anyway and holds the baby in her arms as the SUV drives away. Kelsey’s rep went out to the farm, found a bull, fed it a bowl of beans and patiently waited until it shat out this explanation:

Grammer’s rep tells TMZ … at some point, before the family left the airport grounds, Kelsey loaded up a car seat and strapped baby Faith inside before they hit L.A. city streets.

Since the footage we posted earlier appears to show Kayte and the baby inside the vehicle WITHOUT a car seat, the rep may be insinuating that the car circled around the airport and picked up Kelsey, who eventually retrieved a car seat. It does appear … after Kayte and the baby drove off, Kelsey went down to baggage claim and picked up the luggage that was checked.

As we previously reported, it’s against CA car seat law to have a 4-month-old child inside of a moving vehicle without a car seat … so even if the car JUST circled the airport, they still broke the law.

This reminds me…. When I was 4 or 5, my dad let my sister and I take turns sitting on his lap while he drove the car. People who pulled up next to us would wave and they all thought it was real cute. I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad took a nap behind me and let me actually drive the car. He was lazy! I bet if I was actually driving the car while smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer and writing a letter (aka the original texting) at the same time, people still would’ve been like, “Awww, how precious!” Don’t you miss the early 80s?

A #GetMoneyBitch Victory!

Bitch is so rich that her nipples are made of diamonds!

Mushu the Dragon’s twin sister separated at the plastic surgeon’s table will take her tossed salad and scrambled eggs with a side of Beluga caviar and liquid gold foam from now on, thankyouverymuch. Because TMZ says that all three of the mansions Kelsey and Camille Grammer bought while they were married together are on the market and when they’re all sold, she’ll get half of that money. Camille’s half will total around $30 million. TMZ’s source says that Camille is pretty much the Steve Jobs of gold diggers, because when she met Kelsey, he had snorted most of his Cheers and Frasier money up his nose. Camille became the CFO of Kelsey’s life and took whatever money he had left and turned it into a mountain of millions.

I kind of find it hard to believe that Kelsey couldn’t even cough out a dime when he met Camille, but I’m still going to choose to believe it and I’m also going to say that she deserves $30 million and then some. Camille has IBS, so not only did she have to deal with her own shit (literally), but she had to deal with Kelsey’s shit too. If it wasn’t for Camille, Kelsey wouldn’t be doing the backstroke in a pool of hundred dollar bills and if Kelsey wasn’t doing the backstroke in a pool of hundred dollar bills, his newest gold digging wife wouldn’t be licking on his taint. So when Kelsey’s gold digging wife finishes licking on his taint for spending money, she can lick on Camille’s next!

Frasier Is A Dad Again

Kelsey Grammer and his wife Kayte told everyone earlier this year that she had a double case of the babies. But in a statement released today to People, Kelsey said that one of the twins, a boy, died right after they told everyone. That’s the drop of sad news for them. The drop of happy news for them is that Kayte birthed out a baby girl early this morning in L.A. and no, they didn’t name her EffOffCamille:

“We are thrilled. Mother and child are in excellent health.

We were ecstatic earlier this year, when we announced that Kayte was carrying twins. Tragically we lost the little boy shortly thereafter. This was not something we cared to make known publicly at the time. It was unspeakably painful and we know that people will understand our desire to keep the news private then, as we know they will respect our privacy in this matter now.

A glorious birth with a lingering sadness is ours today. We choose to celebrate the life that has been given us. We proudly introduce our Faith Evangeline Elisa Grammer, to the world today looking forward to the days ahead and the children yet to come.”

Just add that sadness to Kelsey’s Wikipedia page. Have you ever read Kelsey’s Wiki? It’s like a novella. Tragedy after escandalo after tragedy. Kelsey’s estranged father was shot dead, his twin half-brothers died in a scuba accident, his younger sister was murdered by a serial killer and his second wife tried to shoot his ass. There’s like a full season of 48 Hours Mystery right there.

I get why the named their kid Faith and I kind of like the name Faith (any name that shares a name with a George Michael song is a good name), but did they really need to give her the initials F.E.E.G. FEEG!

Start The Countdown To Kelsey Grammer’s Fourth Divorce

In Chicago over the weekend, a tattoo artist got a face full of luscious gut fur when he inked the kiss of marriage death on Kelsey Grammer’s body. The Chicago Sun-Times (via People) says that Kelsey and his child wife Kayte Walsh sashayed into a tattoo shop in Noble Square on Saturday night and he paid $60 to get her name tattooed in fancy font on his shimmy place (aka his right hip). Kelsey was nice to everyone and blah blah blah, but the best quote comes from the 72-year-old memaw of the tattoo artist.

“She (Kayte) was pretty, but not gorgeous, in your face. . . . They were fun. Very friendly and into each other. They were just talking and enjoying each other.”

That dot dot dot is Braille for: like the stunning silicone dragon flower Camille Grammer. We know which 72-year-old memaw from Illinois has a Team Camille leotard in her drawer.

Kelsey is a dumb bitch and he’s obviously so straponmatized that he doesn’t realize getting your piece’s name tattooed on his body is like setting up a game of Spin the Bottle between his marriage certificate and the Grim Reaper, but I don’t think that tattoo was totally a bad decision. I mean, just think of the precious image of Kelsey showing off his fancy tattoo by cocking his hip while wearing his favorite pink satin panties. Yes, that’s what it feels like when your brain jizzes glitter.