File this under: Information Your Brain Really Needed Today.
Kelly Osbourne marched in NYC’s Pride Parade yesterday and sometime during the afternoon, she had a Detrol commercial moment and had to go, had to go, had to go right then. So Kelly went into a Starbucks to piss and she says the rude ass employees wouldn’t let her use their toilet, so she had no choice but to make like she was Ray J and her shoes were Kim Kartrashian’s ass. She busted a golden showers show and got piss in her shoes.
Sure, you might be thinking that Kelly could’ve just bought a fucking cookie to use the bathroom, but then she wouldn’t have pissed on herself and gotten attention for it by tweeting. And even if she did buy a fucking cookie, she still wouldn’t be able to use the bathroom since that Starbucks doesn’t have one!
Thank Kelly Osbourne’s Pom Pom in advance for making a “Bitch, please” face over this interview so you don’t have to!
While promoting her new book There Is No Fucking Secret: Letters from a Badass Bitch, Kelly Osbourne has already called out attention whores who she says are faking Lyme disease to get sympathy and a cover of Life & Style. Kelly is now telling young famous tricks who pretend to be gay for attention that she’s got their fake gay number, hussy. Kelly also says that she wishes she was a gayelle, but then also says that everybody is gay. My brain barely functions as it is and it shut down several times during Kelly’s interview.
Kelly Osbourne has an upcoming memoir called There Is No F*cking Secret: Letters From a Badass Bitch, which would be why she’s doing the “Come children, hear my story” pose on the cover of UsWeekly. As you can tell from the bright yellow letters, Kelly talks about being an addict (she’s been sober for eight years). She also talks about being diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2014. The reason you’re just hearing about Kelly’s Lyme disease diagnosis now is because she didn’t want to work it for sympathy and fame.
Back in August, Allison posted about fragile rocker Ozzy Osbourne’s former mistress, LA hairdresser Michelle Pugh, filing a lawsuit against Ozzy’s daughter Kelly Osbourne for slander. In addition to tweeting Michelle’s phone number (see, the Kardashians don’t have an original implant in their bodies), Kelly also used Twitter to suggest that Michelle’s blowouts came with blowjobs and accused her of alleged elder abuse where her dad’s 67-year-old peen was concerned. Well, all that is in the past now because the issue has been privately resolved (Translation – Kelly wrote a check, because you don’t want to be associated with the word “bullying” nowadays), according to People.
Earlier today I wrote about Michelle Pugh, Ozzy Osbourne’s celebrity hairstylist side piece of four years, talking to People about her recently-ended affair with Ozzy. Michelle said she still dreams about Ozzy, and that he gave her the “greatest love” she’d ever known. Michelle even accepted Ozzy’s decision to leave Michelle and go back to Sharon Osbourne. All in all, it sounded like Michelle had nothing but love in her heart for that old mumbling bat biter. Michelle’s interview was completely devoid of cheater drama. Well, it turns out there is some major drama between Michelle Pugh and an Osbourne, just not the one she was carrying on a 4-year affair with.
And in non-baby related news, let’s talk love lives. Messy ones. Why the hell would we talk about not messy ones? That’s not news. That’s your Aunt Jean and her “good friend” Ben. No. Today we’re checking back in with one of the great loves of our time. And your parents’ time. If you’ll remember correctly, because one of these people for sure as hell can’t, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne apparently split back in May. But Now Kelly Osbourne is saying that no, no, no, it’s all good and her parents are still together.
Back when this SCANDAL broke, source types said it was because Sharon had hard evidence that Ozzy was getting his pepaw peepee pawed at by some “home wrecking” slut. The woman in question, Michelle Pugh, is a hairdresser. Which brings us to the best part of this whole thing. The last time Kelly got involved in this totally real, not PR-smelling stunt for The Talk, she let Michelle Pugh have it on Twitter! We can at least thank her for making “chunky low-lights” part of everyone’s everyday lexicon. A few days ago, while speaking to The Insider (via Entertainment Tonight) at the Babes for Boobs event (which I’m hoping involves people dressed up as sexy, big tittied versions of Babe the pig), Kelly was asked how her parents were doing and she said this:
“My mom and dad are together right now! I will never not be good with my dad. That does not mean that I think what he did wasn’t f**king stupid, but that’s between him and I. I’m a daddy’s girl. I love my dad.”
I’m glad that she and Sharon have seemingly at least moved past something that Ozzy most likely doesn’t remember happening. I would assume that from all the drugs, alcohol and bat blood, not to mention his age, he can barely remember what he ate a few hours ago, let alone a maybe affair from almost two months ago. Good for them. True love wins!