There was plenty of opportunity for some good old fashioned country music drama last night at the Academy of Country Music Awards (the ACMs, which are not to be confused with the CMAs, the other white meat of country music awards shows), but there was nary a whiff of grain alcohol-soaked card cheatin’, man stealin’, hair pullin’, cussin’ and a’fightin’, and hootin’-n-’hollerin’ at the event. The only scandal worth tellin’ a mule happened on the red carpet when Miranda Lambert, the savior of country drama, showed up looking like the cat who chicken fried the canary and ate it with a side of grits . She brought her new husband Brendan McLoughlin with her.
The Gagabot 3000’s mission won’t be complete until it either wins an Academy Award for its stirring performance as Human Woman In Love, or fries its circuits in front of an audience of thousands (if we’re being generous) when it ultimately loses to Glenn Close. But it’s already achieved one important step in its mission to achieve Global Domination, it’s rendered me susceptible to its star signal Shallow. I resisted it at first, but repetition is a son of a bitch, and now it’s an earworm I’ll probably have to live with for at least the next 5 years.
Thankfully, it’s been popular for long enough now that it’s getting covered by singers other than Gagabot 3000 and its maker Bradley Cooper. Enter real life, flesh and blood human woman Kelly Clarkson, who covered Shallow at a gig all by herself, rendering poor Bradley even more superfluous than his monstrous creation has.
The Queen of Soul may have also been the Queen of Debt. Aretha Franklin died in August, and she obviously left behind a legacy of music. The tax man has a different way of remembering Aretha. The IRS now claims Queen Aretha owes millions in back taxes, and let’s just hope a planned tribute concert will put a dent in that pile of debt. Continue reading
Last month, Kelly Clarkson filmed a pilot for a syndicated daytime talk show, which was all the information we had at the time. Now Deadline says that she’s bumping Steve Harvey out of his regular slot. If this was Family Feud, Steve Harvey might be asking you to name something that might have Steve Harvey anger-sweating into his mustache today.
The Billboard Music Awards were last night and if the red carpet is any indication, it lived up to it’s name because most stars looked as bored as can be. With very few exceptions, most of the night’s looks were uninspired and devoid of whimsy. Nick Jonas (above) looks like he just showed up for his shift at Applebees and still needs to go get his flair from his locker and take a quick shot at the bar before getting started. He’ll be with you in a minute, ok?
Allison Mack, who used to be known as the harmless unflavored microwave oatmeal blonde from Smallville and is now known as the alleged sex slave recruiter for a cult called NXIVM, is currently sitting in a NYC jail cell on sex trafficking and forced labor charges. Allison pleaded not guilty to the charges, and she and the leader of the sex slave cult, Keith Raniere, are both facing a life locked up in the clink forever. Allison is apparently looking to cut a plea deal with the feds (translation: Bitch is ready to spill it and turn on her former sex slave master), and as she does that, more bits of chunky messy details are popping up in this giant bowl of thick fuckery.