Kelly Ripa has been on television for three decades, and a lot can change to a person in thirty years. For example, they could one day find themselves sitting across a table from what appears to be a spray-tanned robot in TV host autopilot mode. Or maybe they post a throwback picture on Instagram, and people in the comments ask if it’s supposed to be a Spot The Difference game. Kelly Ripa recently squared off with face-shamers on social media, and schooled them on what hasn’t changed.
The response to the allegations against Ryan Seacrest by his former stylist Suzie Hardy have been varied. Some publicists reportedly don’t want anything to do with him, but Kelly Ripa, Ryan’s aggressively chipper co-host on Live with Kelly and Ryan, came out in support of him yesterday on the show by saying she “adores” him. She might adore him, but according to Page Six, she hates the awkward, weird situation he put the show in.
You’re either reaching for a bottle of Visine’s holy water drops, because your eyes need cleansing after laying them on that unholy sight of fuck effort drag, an F minus tuck game and Control Top L’Eggs. Or you’re reaching for the industrial-strength Morton brand of smelling salts, because nothing gives you the head-to-toe vapors like seeing the panty cream-inducing sight of two Fun House Mirror Jonas Brothers in fuck effort drag and Control Top L’Eggs. Hey, what’s one man’s Control Top L’Eggs nightmare is another man’s Control Top L’eggs wet fantasy.
The current reigning sweethearts of HGTV (now that the Fixer Upper couple are busting out of there), The Property Brothers, did a little renovating on themselves for Shallowqueen by dragging it up as Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman (see: Drew Scott, on the left) and Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman (see: Jonathan Scott, on the right). The half-melted Jesus wax figurines stuffed their Canadian sausages into Rite-Aid Wonder Woman costumes for LIVE with Kelly and Ryan’s Halloween episode. Kelly and Ryan, who wore 12 costumes total, also Wonder Woman’d themselves along with Gelman and that one pepaw. I love how Ryan is really butching it up hardcore. Ryan may be in drag, but he’s still a NASCAR-loving, Budweiser-guzzling, pussy-destroying heterosexual straight bro.
And once you’re done with that bottle of smelling salts, send it to me via drone. I need to shove several bottles up my nostrils before I have a full-body O from seeing Jonathina Scott poke at Michaela Gelman’s Wonder Woman bulge (at the 1:18 mark).
Page Six is reporting that Kelly Ripa’s new co-host, Ryan Seacrest, was to make an appearance on Good Morning America with the FINALLY complete American Idol judging lineup Wednesday, but Kelly threw a fit at the last minute and he had to cancel, so the judges did the appearance sans their Ryan, who a source says is scared shitless of his yapping lapdog of a co-host.
Since the Demon Goblin of E!, Ryan Seacrest, was given immortality when he sold his soul to Satan many, many years ago, he doesn’t need sleep to function, so he got himself a 666th job. One year after Michael Strahan’s exit from Live caused Kelly Ripa’s belly button peen to throb with rage and scorn, ABC has announced who her new permanent co-host is. I’m not sure when ABC told Kelly Ripa that her new co-host is a trick who’s way more powerful in the game than she is, but when she did find out, I’m sure the ears of many dogs fell off and died from the high-pitched screech she let out.
Yes, more awkward than whatever Regis Phibin is doing with his hands in the pockets of that apron.
Regis started hosting Live! with Kelly Ripa in 2001, but he chose to retire in 2011 at the age of 79. Regis appeared on Larry King Now on Tuesday, and admitted that he doesn’t really keep in touch with Kelly, and it sounds like that might be her choice. Reeg explains that he’s never been asked back to Live! in the six years since he’s been gone, and he’s pretty sure it’s because Kelly is still pissed at him. Regis says that Kelly took it really personal when he decided to leave the show. Really? Kelly took it personally when her co-host left the show? Huh, you don’t say.
Regis also told Larry King that he misses hosting a TV show, and sometimes wishes that he’d never quit. As for how Regis gets along with his other former Live! co-host, Kathie Lee Gifford, they still talk and seem to like each other.
UPDATE: Regis claimed he has never been invited back to Live!, but…that’s not true. President and General Manager of WABC (which produces Live!) Dave Davis released a statement today reminding Regis that he was actually on Live! for their Halloween show in 2015.
“It was wonderful to have Regis on the show for our 2015 Halloween special. He’s also been invited back several times as a guest, and in fact was confirmed for a date, but was not able to make it at the time.”
There must be another reason for why Kelly deleted Regis from her life. Surely she’s not so petty that she’d stop speaking to Regis just because he decided to quit, right? (Stop laughing, Michael Strahan). My guess is she killed their friendship after finding a pile of unopened Hope & Faith DVDs in the back of Regis’ dressing room closet on the day he left.