You’re either reaching for a bottle of Visine’s holy water drops, because your eyes need cleansing after laying them on that unholy sight of fuck effort drag, an F minus tuck game and Control Top L’Eggs. Or you’re reaching for the industrial-strength Morton brand of smelling salts, because nothing gives you the head-to-toe vapors like seeing the panty cream-inducing sight of two Fun House Mirror Jonas Brothers in fuck effort drag and Control Top L’Eggs. Hey, what’s one man’s Control Top L’Eggs nightmare is another man’s Control Top L’eggs wet fantasy.
The current reigning sweethearts of HGTV (now that the Fixer Upper couple are busting out of there), The Property Brothers, did a little renovating on themselves for Shallowqueen by dragging it up as Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman (see: Drew Scott, on the left) and Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman (see: Jonathan Scott, on the right). The half-melted Jesus wax figurines stuffed their Canadian sausages into Rite-Aid Wonder Woman costumes for LIVE with Kelly and Ryan’s Halloween episode. Kelly and Ryan, who wore 12 costumes total, also Wonder Woman’d themselves along with Gelman and that one pepaw. I love how Ryan is really butching it up hardcore. Ryan may be in drag, but he’s still a NASCAR-loving, Budweiser-guzzling, pussy-destroying heterosexual straight bro.
And once you’re done with that bottle of smelling salts, send it to me via drone. I need to shove several bottles up my nostrils before I have a full-body O from seeing Jonathina Scott poke at Michaela Gelman’s Wonder Woman bulge (at the 1:18 mark).
Page Six is reporting that Kelly Ripa’s new co-host, Ryan Seacrest, was to make an appearance on Good Morning America with the FINALLY complete American Idol judging lineup Wednesday, but Kelly threw a fit at the last minute and he had to cancel, so the judges did the appearance sans their Ryan, who a source says is scared shitless of his yapping lapdog of a co-host.
Since the Demon Goblin of E!, Ryan Seacrest, was given immortality when he sold his soul to Satan many, many years ago, he doesn’t need sleep to function, so he got himself a 666th job. One year after Michael Strahan’s exit from Live caused Kelly Ripa’s belly button peen to throb with rage and scorn, ABC has announced who her new permanent co-host is. I’m not sure when ABC told Kelly Ripa that her new co-host is a trick who’s way more powerful in the game than she is, but when she did find out, I’m sure the ears of many dogs fell off and died from the high-pitched screech she let out.
Yes, more awkward than whatever Regis Phibin is doing with his hands in the pockets of that apron.
Regis started hosting Live! with Kelly Ripa in 2001, but he chose to retire in 2011 at the age of 79. Regis appeared on Larry King Now on Tuesday, and admitted that he doesn’t really keep in touch with Kelly, and it sounds like that might be her choice. Reeg explains that he’s never been asked back to Live! in the six years since he’s been gone, and he’s pretty sure it’s because Kelly is still pissed at him. Regis says that Kelly took it really personal when he decided to leave the show. Really? Kelly took it personally when her co-host left the show? Huh, you don’t say.
Regis also told Larry King that he misses hosting a TV show, and sometimes wishes that he’d never quit. As for how Regis gets along with his other former Live! co-host, Kathie Lee Gifford, they still talk and seem to like each other.
UPDATE: Regis claimed he has never been invited back to Live!, but…that’s not true. President and General Manager of WABC (which produces Live!) Dave Davis released a statement today reminding Regis that he was actually on Live! for their Halloween show in 2015.
“It was wonderful to have Regis on the show for our 2015 Halloween special. He’s also been invited back several times as a guest, and in fact was confirmed for a date, but was not able to make it at the time.”
There must be another reason for why Kelly deleted Regis from her life. Surely she’s not so petty that she’d stop speaking to Regis just because he decided to quit, right? (Stop laughing, Michael Strahan). My guess is she killed their friendship after finding a pile of unopened Hope & Faith DVDs in the back of Regis’ dressing room closet on the day he left.
I don’t know for sure if the face you’re looking at above has been done dirty by bad Botox. But considering that it looks like Kelly Ripa’s teeth were called in last minute by her facial muscles to make a smile happen, I’m going to say: maybe? Kelly Ripa has admitted in the past that she loves Botox. Unfortunately, Kelly said on Live with Kelly yesterday that Botox once messed up her face six ways from Sunday.
Andy Cohen Once Had A Threesome With A Married Straight Couple. Hmmmmm, I Wonder Who He’s Talking About….
Alternate headline: CLICK BAIT! CLICK BAIT! CLICK BAIT! CLICK BAIT!
The shifty don of the Housewives, Andy Cohen, is putting out his 46,789th memoir called Superficial: More Adventures from the Andy Cohen Diaries, in November and The Daily Mail got a few excerpts. Most of the excerpts come from the department of DUH, like Andy writes that before taping the reunion, all of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills turn their insides into a CVS pharmacy by downing a bunch of pills. Anybody with eyes that can see, ears that can hear and a sense of reason knows those bitches are pilled up to the ends of the earth. But Andy does write about how two years ago, he decided that he didn’t want to die without his dick kissing a chocha, so he had a threesome with a blonde woman and her muscular husband. SPOILER ALERT: It wasn’t Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, or so Andy claims…