I must have had a lobotomy in the last decade because somehow Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman have been married since 2006 – longer than her marriage to Tom Cruise! A lesser person would give Nicole a gold medal for the beard Olympics, but not me! I’m gonna give a golf clap considering that marriage has lasted through better or worse, sickness and health, Big Little Lies and Grace Of Monaco – not to mention some funky clapping! Alas, Nicole says don’t blame the longevity of her marriage on the strength of their vows. Blame it on an embargo on iMessage! Continue reading
The American Music Awards aired on CBS last night in order for you to have something to talk about with your weird cousin Trisha over Thanksgiving weekend. The AMA’s are the perfect empty vessel in which to hold your familial conversational obligations. That said, a few attendees did come to slay. Like Hailee Steinfeld, who, thanks to that leather bra and sharp shoulder pad situation, is seen giving you The Bodyguard starring a young Joan Crawford.
The difference between goddesses and us peasants is that when peasants like myself wake up with a giant purple ruffled wart on our shoulder, we go down to the free clinic with a list of our past fuck partners while trying to remember which one of them rubbed their dirty dick on our shoulder. But when goddesses wake up with a giant purple ruffed wart on their shoulder, they work it to the core at an event and bring the people to their knees.
Iman put the glamour in Glamour’s Women of the Year Awards in NYC last night when she slid along the red carpet in a Christian Siriano gown that made her look like that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur if that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur got a fairy godmother to turn them into a human goddess. Iman also looks like the most gorgeous venus fly trap that ever sprouted from the earth, and if they ever do that Little Shop of Horrors remake, she can play Audrey II. But instead of eating humans, she causes them to pass out from the power of her pose skills.
Here’s more from last night’s Women of the Year Awards. Nobody can touch Iman and her ruffled fortune cookie, but I am into Nicole Kidman’s tits beneath my wings dress.
Emmys night this year was a big night for Big Little Lies, and the cast was elated to the point where Nicole Kidman laid a big ol’ kiss on Alexander Skarsgård right in front of her husband, Keith Urban. And now she has some ‘splaining to do. Continue reading
Nicole Kidman has four children: two she adopted while married to Tom Cruise (Isabella and Connor), and with her husband Keith Urban (Sunday and Faith). But according to Nicole at the Emmys last night, she’s only got two. I think you can guess which two got that coveted acceptance speech name-drop.
The 16 annual CMT Music Awards (which I’m pretty sure was also the 16th country music awards show to happen this month alone) were last night in Nashville, and no country music awards show is complete with Our Lord of Tang Tanner and Our Lady of SPF 6000 working the carpet. Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman once again showed us that a couple that middle parts their hair (and wears a wreck of an outfit) together, stays together!