Precisely! Anyone who’s ever clocked the ladies room line at any highly-attended event knows this. Keira Knightley is plugging her new flick Collete and, in an interview with The Guardian, opined that having a penis must make life a little easier. At least when it comes to peeing. “Yep. Sure does.” – people with penises.
Not too long ago, I went to visit some friends who are parents to a 3-year-old girl. After the second day, I almost used my phone to call the nearest mental hospital to beg them to please come collect me since my already-shredded brains had been shredded even more by the non-stop warble of Emma Watson singing in the CGI turd of a live-action Beauty and the Beast movie. My friend’s 3-year-old watches it on a loop, and I’m convinced that the demonic genius that is Mickey Mouse has evil hidden messages in his movies, which hypnotizes 3-year-olds into watching that shit show non-stop. I have the brain of a fetus so it doesn’t work on me. Nice try, Mickey! But you won’t find certain Disney princess movies playing on a loop at Keira Knightley’s house.
Keira Knightley dragged Duchess Kate and her perfect post-birth look in an essay titled “The Weaker Sex.” But according to Keira, she didn’t mean it and the whole thing has been taken out of context.
Keira Knightley has shared her childbirth experience in an essay entitled “The Weaker Sex” for a book called Feminists Don’t Wear Pink (And Other Lies). Keira spares no detail of the birth of her daughter Edie in May 2015. Gag reflex trigger warning: unless you like your brunch frittata with a side of umbilical cord, skip the essay and stay for the shade of it all, because after giving us the gory/wonderful details of giving birth, Keira had something to say about how Duchess Kate turned from an Autocrat into a Decepticon when she presented a perfect image of herself to the world just hours after giving birth to her second child, Princess Charlotte.
The venerable Emma Thompson will be joining the ranks of the Dame’ed. According to the Associated Press, Queen Elizabeth II about to get her investiture on, and give Emma the title of Dame Emma. It’s the lady equivalent of a knighthood. Emma will finally be able to join fellow Dames Judi Dench, Julie Andrews, Angela Lansbury, Helen Mirren, Joan Collins and Maggie Smith in the secret underground Dame Fight Club where the only things that land harder than the punches, are the devastating one-liners.
Under that hat could be one of two things. It’s either a scalp full of healthy hairs that are mad at Keira Knightley for inflicting years of processing damage, or an itchy wig. One thing is for sure: you won’t pull off that hat and find a patchy follicular Hellscape of tiny regrowth hairs. Because Keira Knightley stopped letting them fuck with her hair on film sets a long time ago.