Because today’s theme seems to be balls flying at faces (and not in the way I dream about in my teabag dreams), here’s a little clip of human Grammy repellent Katy Perry perfectly nailing an audience member with an inflatable eyeball as though someone screamed at her, “Quick, Katy! Your arch nemesis Taylor Swift is lurking over there and is about to strike!”
KatyCat Jordan Hanks was at Katy Perry’s show in Salt Lake City on Friday, and was recording her performance of Roar when she almost took him out with a flying ball to the head. Katy looks about as over it and tired as a hungover preschool teacher trying to teach a stupid song to her students on a Monday morning, but what she lacks in enthusiasm, she makes up for in her impeccable soccer skills.
Katy Perry didn’t even attack your head with a giant eyeball and you probably feel dizzy…. from trying to figure out what in Dollar Tree Jean Paul Gaultier space raver HELL she’s wearing. Jordan is okay. Thankfully he didn’t get injured, like lose his eyesight, because then he wouldn’t be able to take in these breathtaking pictures that have nothing to do with Katy Perry (except for the fact that his peroxide ‘do is hotter than hers) but are too hot to not share. Behold, the Human Ken Doll, Rodrigo Alves, giving you Voldemort Ann Jillian glamour while shopping in Milan.
Santa Claus isn’t the only controversial white dude coming to town, as John Mayer also knows when a few of us (ok, just Katy Perry) are sleeping and when we’re awake. Continue reading
Katy Perry is getting so close to owning the Los Feliz convent she’s been trying to purchase for more than two years. Katy wants to live in the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary convent, damn it! The only problem is, the nuns who own it really don’t want the new owner of their house to be a wicked jezebel like Katy. So sisters Rita Callanan and Catherine Rose Holzman sold their convent to a restauranteur named Dana Hollister.
Unfortunately, the nuns never cleared the sale with the Los Angeles Archbishop Jose H. Gomez. So a judge voided the sale and ruled that Katy could buy the convent. Point for Katy. According to Australia’s ABC News, a judge has recently ruled that Dana Hollister should pay Katy $1.57 million for interfering with Katy’s sale. Points for Katy’s bank account!
The annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show happened last night in Shanghai! The good news is, it wasn’t a total disaster. Despite some stumbling blocks erected by the Chinese Government, they somehow managed to find enough ladies, enough cameras, and drum up enough hullabaloo to pull it off. The bad news is, it was still the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. The uncategorized news is that Harry Styles was the featured performer, since previously scheduled Katy Perry was deemed an enemy of the state.
Katy Perry Isn’t Performing At The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, Because She’s Reportedly Been Banned From China
The upcoming Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show was supposed to be a taste of the Far East that most of us figured would turn into a wildly offensive display of cultural appropriation with the likes of the Hadid sisters strutting down the catwalk in nighties made of fortune cookies or whatever the VS designers could come up with to remind us they’re filming from China. Alas, at the rate they’re going, the only person China will allow in to strut and perform is Taylor Swift (“Mission accomplished!” –Taylor Swift). Continue reading
Lionel Richie’s skills as an American Idol judge are landing him about $15 million less than Katy Perry, a fucked financial move that still has Suze Orman hooked up to an oxygen tank. But that doesn’t mean he’s resting on his laurels. Lionel has a trademarked phrase, and he’s ready to print and sell it on anything that will sit still long enough! Continue reading