Taylor Swift And Katy Perry Made Up, But She’s Still Crying Over Getting “Bullied” By Kim Kartrashian And Kanye West
The stupid feud that started over a stolen back-up dancer (or John Mayer, or Taylor Swift telling Katy Perry she has cankles in front of the entire homeroom, or Katy Perry telling Taylor Swift her split ends are gross in front of the entire homeroom, or Taylor Swift stealing Katy Perry’s panties and freezing them at Becca Moyer’s slumber party) has finally come to an end. Katy Perry said publicly said before that she wants to be done with the junior high school cafeteria tussle with Taylor Swift. Taylor hasn’t said anything, but yesterday was the first night of her Reputation tour and she has empty seats to fill, so she posted an Instagram story of her opening up an olive branch from Katy. Are we sure that the olive branch wasn’t covered with laxative fumes that caused Taylor Swift to get the violent shits during her show? I mean, I did see some clips from her show in Glendale, AZ last night and she was dancing in a stiff “clenching my ass cheeks” sort of way. But then again, doesn’t she always?
At This Performance Of Omaha Community Theater’s Production Of “Perestroika,” The Role Of The Angel Will Be Played By…
Pro tip: If you’re going to a party dressed like an intergalactic go-go dancing angel complete with ten hundred foot wide wings and you have to travel in a convertible since your ass can’t fit in a regular car, make sure that convertible is working right. Or else your big grand dramatic entrance will turn into a scene from the saddest parade ever:
Taylor Swift wasn’t at the Met Gala last night, but I’m sure that earlier in the night, she was in front of Katy’s hotel taking some pliers to that car’s wires as Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey played lookout.
We all know by now that Orlando Bloom has no qualms letting his peen fly in the wind, but he’s been notoriously quiet about how things are going with is on-and-off Pope friend Katy Perry. Apparently, a visit to the Vatican gives one the feels because Orlando is now out blabbing to the press just how he really feels about Katy. Continue reading
Taylor Swift must be in full on Serpentor rage mode this morning. Last night, she probably received a DM from her arch-nemesis Katy Perry depicting the “Swish Swish” bish posing with Pope Francis of all people! “Didn’t she kill A NUN?!?!“ Taylor must have hissed to whichever bicurious Victoria’s Secret model she currently has lying around the Pippy Yawnstocking Palace. “WHERE’S MY INVITE? I JUST RELEASED TWO VIDEOS FOR THE SAME SONG AND I HAVE MULTIPLE STALKERS! I’m way more popular than that tramp!” Or so you can imagine.
It’s true, Katy Perry, 33, and boyfriend Orlando Bloom, 41, met the Pope, 81. Orlando was wise enough not to wear his paddleboarding outfit. Take it from me, a lapsed Catholic, the Church frowns upon nude paddleboarding. It’s in the Bible.
People always say they do the darndest things on TV in foreign countries, but wouldn’t it be a real gas that the joke is on us Americans and Japanese people are all like, “Let’s see what kind of weird shit we can those Yankee Doodles to do for the sake of entertainment.” The Germans got Celine Dion (I get she’s Canadian but close enough!) to gargle “My Heart Will Go On,” and now it’s Katy Perry’s turn to “shine” by showing the Japanese people how many chicken nuggets one pop princess can take. Continue reading
As you can see, Katy Perry’s head didn’t immediately explode after giving Taylor Swift a compliment. Progress! Before you know it, they’ll be able to sit within 200 feet of each other at the same awards ceremonies.
Katy continues to get ABC’s American Idol reboot some much-needed attention. A week ago Katy was kissing contestants, and last night she was laid an unenthusiastic kiss on her enemy’s ass during an audition. Luke Bryan asked a male contestant, “Who do you look up to as an artist?” He replied, “I’m sorry for this, Katy,” and said Taylor. Inside Katy’s head might have been playing the siren from Kill Bill, but on the outside she remained diplomatic by responding: “Oh you don’t have to be sorry!” The contestant then doubled down on a risky gamble by uttering, “I love Taylor Swift,” and Katy awkwardly said:
“I love her as a songwriter as, as well.”
Katy couldn’t have paid Taylor a cheaper compliment if she got it with a 75% off coupon. I believe “I love her as a songwriter” is the pop star’s equivalent of walking into an open house and saying, “Well, the walls are straight.” Although it’s no great gowns, beautiful gowns, it’s still a pretty shady compliment being told you’re a great songwriter from one of the co-writers of the lyrical cringefest “Bon Appétit.”
— TalentRecap (@TalentRecap) March 19, 2018