Everyone who you’re not and never will be was at the Adele show in LA last night. Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Woody Harrelson, Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, and John Mayer were among the crowd screaming like the final girl in a horror movie when Adele went “Hello…”.
Here’s some slightly blurry and sort of far-away shots of the various celebrities entering and/or exiting the theater. Let’s see, there’s Katy Perry’s ass arriving. As you will note in those particular shots, I type that literally. Later on, you get to see her and Orlando Bloom exiting out of the VIP fire escape. Katy’s coat is giving me an uncomfortable feeling because it bears an eerie resemblance to my apricot-colored teacup poodle. For serious, his fur is the exact shade and consistency as that piece of apparel. He’s still here and not skinned. I checked. The last thing I need is some pop skeeve with breasts that shoot non-lactate substances breaking into my home and de-furring my dog.
There’s Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone exiting the side door as well. Joy seems to be trying to assist Ms. Stone in navigating those stairs. Drunks! But who doesn’t get shittoed at concerts? It should be noted that someone at the Wiltern obviously hates celebs. Making tricks who can afford the really quality booze and drugs exit down a really high staircase post-concert is asking for ambulances. I’m not judging!
According to TMZ, John Mayer was in attendance with a new lucky lady who’s hopefully had all of her shots. I hope there was some weirdness between him and Katy and Legolas. Legolas is the kind of douche who will slap at another douche so perhaps their celebrity skyboxes got crossed somehow and there was friction.
In lower-tier famous news, David Foster and Gayle King (see below) were on the premises. Wait, are they dating? Does that Lyme-disease claimin’ Yolanda Foster chick know that her ex is stepping out with Oprah’s lady? Shit, does Oprah know? Gayle better proceed with caution. Or the next president she’ll be interviewing will be at the Career Center because O will consign her to the curb.
Check out more pics of Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, David Foster, and Gayle King in the gallery.
Katy Perry and her current maybe-boyfriend Orlando Bloom are still doing the whole casual relationship thing (their matchmaker, that vape pen, must be so proud), and according to Page Six, shit almost got nine levels of awkward on their last date.
Katy and Orlando were attending a birthday dinner the Sunset Tower Hotel on Wednesday night with a whole mess of famous types, like Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman. And as luck (or that vengeful bitch karma) would have it, guess who just so happened to saunter into the Sunset Tower as they were having dinner? Patient zero for vaginal vinegar poisoning himself, John Mayer. A witness claims John skipped the bar and made a beeline for the elevators, and they *think* it’s because he knew two of his ex-girlfriends were inside. Or maybe he hauled ass to the elevators because he was six seconds from a butt blowout? You don’t know, witness!
Of course there is a chance John Mayer knew Katy Perry was in the bar with his replacement. I wouldn’t put it past that sneaky bimbo to use his boner like a divining rod and track down his exes. But clearly his inner Jiminy Cricket told him to leave them alone, and Katy and Orlando were able to enjoy their date without having to do that fake as hell “Oh heeeyyyy” when you run into an ex in public.
As for how things are going between Katy and Orlando, Page Six says several witnesses confirm that Katy and Orlando’s flirt game is still strong.
“Orlando and Katy had that new-relationship glow about them. They were cuddling and flirting with each other all night.”
Meanwhile, another witness described Orlando like this: “He looks like an old baby.” I have no idea what the hell that means either, but I love it. I’m sure there are at least a dozen Hollywood-types asking their plastic surgeons “Can you make me look like an old baby?” as we speak.
“Cause the players gonna play play play play play…my game, because nobody wanted to play yours. Tee hee! Sorry ’bout it!”
Taylor Swift, the world’s wealthiest Willow Tree figurine, is about to get a hell of a lot richer. And no, it’s not because she’s got a pre-Valentine’s Day Etsy copyright infringement lawsuit binge planned this weekend. Variety says that Glu Mobile, the people responsible for Kim Kardashian’s mobile game Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, are developing a mobile game about Taylor Swift.
No doubt this news is making every 13-year-old girl in America scream like its Swiftmas™ Eve, but there’s one 13-year-old girl who is screaming for a whole other reason. And that person is the 13-year-old Lisa Frank-obsessed girl trapped in the body of a 31-year-old woman that is Katy Perry. According to BuzzFeed, one of the reasons why Glu Mobile is developing a game around Taylor Swift is because the game they made about Katy Perry, Katy Perry Pop, was a total flop. Apparently nobody wanted to drain their data plan doing whatever the hell Katy Perry is describing below.
Glu Mobile’s CFO recently said Katy’s game was one of their “biggest disappointments” from last year. And now they’re replacing her game with one starring her sworn enemy. Taylor Swift just gave the marketing team at Glu at standing ovation for their lack of subtlety.
Glu has released zero details about Tay Tay’s game, but I’m going to assume it will probably have something to do with becoming a member of her sugar cookie princess squad. But since Taylor is all about that money, and Glu is all about those in-app purchases, they’re going to have to find a way to rig the game so that players never actually make it that far. Which, now that I think of it, should be pretty easy. “This game is so frustrating. It won’t let me level up to Please Welcome To The Stage because it says I’m not a six-foot-tall supermodel.”
It looks like we can upgrade Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom’s situation from “Flirting” to “Engaging in low-pressure social activities together.” Be careful you two, or your relationship is bound to get whiplash from moving so fast.
Shortly after the booze-induced brain fog wore off from the night before, everyone ran to the cafeteria and started whispering about how Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom were seen “flirting” and “sharing a vape pen” during a Golden Globes afterparty. Clearly they enjoyed all that flirting and vaping, because UsWeekly says were seen together backstage during a performance of a play in Culver City on Thursday night. But did they share a vape pen???
Evidence of Katy and Orlando’s casual date also showed up online when they took a selfie with the play’s star and he threw it up on Instagram. However, the most IMPORTANT part of this story is that it looks like Katy and Orlando were on a double-date with 90s legend (in my mind) Vinessa Shaw! It’s OK, I’ll forgive you for not noticing such an significant detail; your eyes no doubt skipped right past Kimberly Mullen from Ladybugs and went straight to Orlando Bloom’s bad boy earring. If you want to know what the play was about, I wouldn’t ask Katy Perry. I’m sure she spent the entire time texting her friends: “OMG am sitting next to Allison from Hocus Pocus.”
Speaking of Orlando’s sexy cool dad earring, here’s more of Orlando strolling out of The Nice Guy last night wearing pretty much the exact same outfit he wore on his date with Katy Perry. Fun Fact: the photo agency tells me he left The Nice Guy and went to a strip club. Dirty clothes and a trip to the strippers? Watch out, John Mayer, you’ve got some competition!
According to pretty much EVERYONE (but specifically Vanity Fair, UsWeekly, E!, and People), Katy Perry – the Golden Globes presenter that made the majority of viewers turn to the person sitting beside them and whisper “Wait, why is she here?“, and Orlando Bloom – the Golden Globes presenter who I initially thought was a cleaned-up Charlie Sheen, might be a thing that is happening.
A whole bunch of blabbermouths who attended Harvey Weinstein’s afterparty squealed on Katy and Orlando by claiming they spent a good chunk of the night together doing the following: whispering, flirting, being flirty, leaning in close, getting super cozy, “sharing a vape pen“, and dancing together. One source added that Orlando would “touch the small of her back” when talking to her. The small of her back? Calm down, you two! It’s Harvey Weinstein’s Golden Globes afterparty, not the orgy scene from Caligula.
Obviously, Katy and Orlando’s G-rated middle school dance antics could be nothing more than two drunk n’ horny famous types who accidentally brushed up against each other on the way to the bar and were like “Oooh, let’s do that again, but on purpose.” Or maybe hooking up with some random dick like Orlando was Katy checking off Step 4 in her 12-Step dickmatization recovery program. That’s probably it.
Because it was one of the hottest looks of the night, here’s more of Katy Perry looking like the first runner-up in something called a Miss Atlantic Titty pageant.
Okay, no, Taylor Swift isn’t in this video, but I’m almost more than sure that the working title for Bad Blood was “Katy Perry Is A Satanic Woman Who Has Led Millions To Hell!”
You may know so-called Christian activist Christine Weick from the hilarious classic comedy “Bottoms Up and the Devil Laughs” and now the 99 Cent Store God Warrior is back to tell Katy Perry’s father that he’s skipping down the highway to Hell with his daughter. Katy Perry’s Christian pastor dad Keith Hudson, who is giving me Elizabeth Taylor from AHS: Hotel glamour in that still above, did an interview with a radio station in Phoenix, Arizona where he called his daughter a “godly child.” Christine Wreck was listening to that interview and it set her off so she went to the radio station and waited for Pastor Keith in the lobby. When Pastor Keith came out, she pounced and said to him, “You’re the daughter of Katy Perry!” (I want that as my ringtone.)
Christine Wreck then went on a not-nearly-as-hot SHE IS NOT A CHRIS-CHEN-like rant where she rebuked Pastor Keith for not stopping his daughter from leading millions of children to the portals of the underworld with her music. Christine Wreck has condemned her own son to the depths of Hell for listening to Katy Perry’s music. This is like a really, really dark version of your friend’s mom having a serious talk with your mom because a PG-13 movie was shown during your slumber party.
Pastor Keith, who allegedly called Katy Perry a “devil child” during a sermon once, tried to reason with her and told her that she wasn’t acting very Christian-like. But he quickly learned that trying to reason with Christine Weick is like trying to reason with a drunk hyena. She went on and went on and declared Katy Perry’s video for E.T. a work of Satan.
Katy Perry should really hire Christine Wreck as her new publicist, because that mess made the E.T. video sound way more interesting than it is. I mean, Katy Perry has the sex with demons in it? I need to watch it again.
In the Katy Perry concert movie Katy Perry: Part of Me, there’s a scene where she brings the raw emotions and breaks down after her then-husband Russell Brand tells her in a text that just like deodorant, he’s done with her. Well, in a documentary about Russell Brand, he doesn’t get that sentimental about his marriage to Katy Perry. That picture of them pretty much sums it all up. The camera flashes make Katy Perry light up like me when I see any live dick in front of me and they make Russell Brand’s face go glum.
Taylor Swift already peddles her singles like the rent on her backyard Little Tikes Princess Cottage was due last month and the repo men are coming to get it, but now she’s really going to turn it up, because she wants to wet queef on her arch rival’s record.
Just what we’ve been waiting for: Miley Cyrus’ thoughts about Nicki Minaj’s thoughts about racism in the music industry.
When the MTV VMA nominations were announced, Nicki Minaj wondered why “Anaconda,” which she thinks made a huge impact on pop culture, wasn’t nominated for Video of the Year. Nicki said that if her video was filled with skinnies, it would’ve been nominated for VOTY. Nicki went on to tweet that black women constantly influence pop culture and never get rewarded for it. Taylor Swift piped in and made it all about her. Nicki Minaj told Taylor it wasn’t about her. Then, Katy Perry jumped in to slap at Taylor Swift. Eventually, Nicki and Taylor talked and are good now . (Again all of that over a fucking VMA.) That was that until The New York Times asked Miley Cyrus about it…
“OMG don’t you just hate her? I totally hate her. Come by my locker later and we can continue to talk about how much we hate her” is no doubt what Taylor Swift thinks Katy Perry is saying to Miley Cyrus in the conversation above.
Okay so remember back to last week when Miley Cyrus ripped a hot fart in Taylor Swift’s precious direction when she told Marie Claire that the video for “Bad Blood” was a violent mess and side-eyed Tay Tay’s status as a role model? According to Hollywood Life, Tay Tay doesn’t believe for a second that those were Miley’s words, but that she was being used as a puppet for nefarious purposes by none other than her sworn enemy…KATY PERRY. Cue the thunder! Cue the lightning! Cue Katy Perry twirling the end of a pretend mustache and cackling maniacally like an old timey villain!
A source close to Taylor spilled the homemade peach sun tea to Hollywood Life, saying that the most popular girl at the popular girls table in the cafeteria is “suspicious” of Miley’s recent not-nice comments, and she’s pretty sure Katy is behind it.
“She knows Miley and Katy hang out and she knows Katy still talks so much trash about her, she knows she tries to turn people against her. She thinks Miley is just a pawn in Katy’s game, she feels sorry for her.”
Oh my god, is “I feel sorry for you” not the most passive-aggressive popular girl thing to say? I’m pretty sure it’s second only to “That’s sweet that you’re trying so hard to be like me; copying is the most sincere form of flattery.” Of course, Miley Cyrus is blissfully unaware of Tay Tay’s subtle shade, because she’s far too busy Instagramming topless night night selfies with her cat. Or maybe that’s just what she wants you to believe? It may look like a picture of a lady holding a cat, but it’s actually a subtle social media shanking directed at aspiring cat lady Taylor from Katy through Miley, right Taylor? Ooooh Katy, you evil mastermind, you.