These are dangerous times we live in. Of course I’m talking about our intensely divided and argumentative… social media scene. You never know what will happen each time you like a tweet. Will you go on with your day as though nothing is happening? Will you get incessant death threats and be forced to leave your home and family? Who knows! Katy Perry is feeling the second one today.
Legolas might be trading in hobbit songs for bubblegum pop and and Taylor Swift burn books. Even though Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom had an initial go of it with a relationship, they “split” in February 2017. Those two have spent more time together while apart than I do in a full-time relationship, so most of us figured either she was missing hearing behind the scenes dish on Frodo Baggins or he was just the world’s only Witness fan. Well, Katy made up with Taylor and now she and Orlando have finally made their first official appearance together. Things are looking up in Kitty Purry world, and that might soon include a walk down the aisle.
People says Katy and Orlando have been hot since once again becoming exclusive to each other’s genitals earlier this year. It may be so hot that he’s going to put a ring on it, per a source:
“Orlando doesn’t have a ring yet but has been talking about the future.Everyone would be excited if they got engaged. Katy is wonderful!”
Katy and Orlando have been spotted everywhere from the Maldives to an Ed Sheeran concert to even meeting with the Pope. I guess seeing the Papal Gucci loafers are enough to make any gal want to get gussied up for her own special day, so that’s sent blabbermouths abuzz about those two getting married again. As you know, Katy was with Russel Brand and Orlando was with Miranda Kerr:
“He always said he would absolutely get married again, and it seems Katy could be it. They both seem very happy.”
Hmmm. I wonder why-oh-why Katy might be happy! Just kidding. I’m sure it’s his great personality.
Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom have been together on-and-off since January of 2016, and never once have they made an official appearance as a couple. No awards ceremonies, no movie premieres. Personally, I believe getting caught by photographers doing water activities with a special guest appearance by Orlando’s trouser paddle is a more important relationship debut than any red carpet, but I don’t think that technically counts. The point is, Katy and Orlando finally did their celebrity couple civic duty by showing up to an event together.
Katy and Orlando appeared together last night at the Gala for the Global Ocean at the Opera of Monte-Carlo in Monaco. They were joined for photos by Prince Albert and Princess Charlene.
Katy and Orlando have had years to prepare for their big, official couple debut, and they clearly put a lot of thought into the outfits they chose to mark such an occasion. Orlando went with a look that says: “Gala at 6, audition for gritty movie role as East London club bouncer at 7.” I’m not sure what happened to Orlando Bloom, but he appears to have morphed from Legolas to the guy who threatened to beat up Legolas for his lunch money in high school. Meanwhile, Katy chose a look that combines the hair of a Supreme store employee, the dress of Liz Sweeney, and the arms of Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget. I can practically see her walking in front of a mirror, shaking her fist and hissing “I’ll get you next time…” to her stylist.
Josh Groban wasn’t always just the mom’s choice of soundtrack to put on while she enjoyed her weekly soak in the tub with a glass of chardonnay. At once point in time, Josh Groban was also the boyfriend of Katy Perry, something we found out last year during Katy’s 72-hour live stream of her life to promote her album Witness. Josh is finally talking about that time he dated Katy, and there are parts of their relationship that were news to him as well.
Kesha is still fighting against her former producer Dr. Luke, and currently the battle is over several text messages that were allegedly sent by Kesha to a variety of people, including Lady Gaga. In the texts with Gaga, Kesha alleges some pretty awful stuff, like the allegation that Dr. Luke raped Katy Perry. Katy never publicly commented at the time, but she was deposed in the case and testified that Dr. Luke never did such a thing.
Whether you’re into her corny cotton-candy fever dream aesthetic or not, we can all agree that Katy Perry has had some massive hits in her career. We can also all agree that nearly none of those hits came from her most recent album Witness, which was a letdown on the charts. Katy obviously thought Witness was going to be hugely celebrated, and when it wasn’t, she got depressed.